I think the kids are in trouble
by WonderousPlaceForAnEcho
Summary: Zombies, Glee Kids, Faberry, Chaos Makes A Bittersweet Apocolypse
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hello, thank you for trying out this story. I felt like writing a psychological story that is hopefully intense, depressing, realistic (even if its about zombies) but the realism will be focused on emotions. Its based on the song Conversations 16 by The National. Because I love it in its addictive way. More chapters to come. Reviews are appreciated. And also I love the story Better Run, Outrun my gun by . Thank you to the author for writing such a brilliant story.

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><p>24 Hours Ago:<p>

"This is like the finale of Buffy when they all dogpile into the bus and get the hell out of there," Santana said robotically but somehow managed to sound awed at the same time. It only added to how bizarre it was. Santana Lopez sounding aloof was not something Rachel Berry expected to witness. But anything was liable to happen when faced with a zombie attack-right? All logic and expectations fly out the window that make the cliche of flower pots or pianos falling child's play.

How they had come to this no one knew. Their small, misfit group were rehearsing then Rachel's phone rang and a professional sounding man she called dad gave her specific instructions, which she factually expressed to her peers. They had to reach her grandfather's lack house since her fathers were in the bunker in their suburban home-the panic room. She refused to call it a panic room because she wanted to avoid panic and it frankly did the exact opposite whenever they did drills together. It had seemed like imagination time and loved that her fathers were spending time with her and actively engaged, but it wasn't until years later that it was training, at an unaware level.

But here they were with Quinn raising her eyebrows at Santana while the Lady Macbethian cheerleader replied, "What Blondie? The show was about a badass chick and Faith was my girl."

The singer wanted to argue that Faith was two dimensional and god she would have willingly accepted the debate but she was a little occupied creating a plan-sliding into the leader role without anyone having the faintest idea how their dynamics were really shifting.

"What's going on?" Finn asked, confused, and although Rachel could tell he was in shock she wanted him to not be so dense, as cruel as she felt that was to think. At this point it was life or death and she didn't want to seem Darwinian but she couldn't take five minutes and explain everything to him.

"Finnocence, get with the program. Don't you play a bunch of video games?" Santana cut in smoothly, words as always like a knife as her patience was clearly growing thin, the little she had for Finn was being pushed to its limit. For a second Rachel hoped that the former cheerios captain would be good with a blade, it would be too fitting and maybe almost poetic in a disturbing kind of way.

"Yeah, but they don't prepare us for a zombie apocolypse," Sam interjected, arms at his side, appearing calm as usual. "No matter how epic Emma Stone is," he added as an afterthought which got Rachel thinking-would Emma Stone survive the undead, she liked her as an actress...

She shook her head. "Stop. In a nutshell the undead are slowly taking over. No one knows how fast the plague is progressing. We need to move," she said in a clear manner as she enunciated everything to avoid repeating.

"Can't we go to our lockers and get stuff?" The quarterback asked and Rachel hummed for a moment to collect herself. As an excuse for Finn's lack of intelligence she questioned if he'd ever had any concussions from his sporting activities, but she needed to hum. Music was her cure.

"If its of dire need such as a cell phone fine, but we'll all go together. There's security in numbers," the short brunette replied as loud, disruptive banging started again in the hallway. Everyone grew tense at that. Tina flinched, Mike stepped closer to her, Rachel assumed with the intent to protect his girlfriend, Kurt and Mercedes held hands as the R&B singer's eyes were clenched tight and seemed to be praying. Puck had his arms crossed over her chest, looking a little intimidating. Finn was whispering to his father figure, Mr. Shue, Sam was clenching the handles of Artie's wheelchair tightly to the point that his knuckles were ghost white while Artie seemed like he was calculating statistics of survival. Santana was doing an impressive job covering up any fear as Brittany held her hand and for a moment Rachel missed their pinky likage. It was so simple and innocent, but it only proved that reality wasn't innocent at all anymore.

Links would have to be strong, unwavering and firm in their convictions. And finally her eyes rested on Quinn who seemed in her own world, cut off from everyone as her jaw clenched, eyes narrowed with squared shoulders. The glee captain considered the former cheerleader's dance classes and natural grace lended her the fierce look but she also saw something shift in Quinn. She caught her breath from having been thrown. It was shock that Quinn exuded this air of-I've been through x,y, z in life, I will get through this. The certainty, whether Quinn knew she was protecting that vibe or not was powerful and Rachel stared at her a little longer until she felt the image was memorized.

"I think my locker is first," Brittany said almost in a whisper, but managed to break Rachel from her thoughts, "but I forgot the combination." Immediately Santana moved even closer and squeezed her hand. Rachel watched and very briefly glanced at Quinn who had tilted her head and gave the smallest smile she had ever seen even as hazel eyes seemed distant. It was intriguing how one of her bullies seemed to convey she'd nonverbally take care of the blonde dancer.

"Rachel...how do you...how do you know what to do here," Will asked, baffled and clearly a little scared of Rachel. If he didn't think she was intense and driven before this was another story.

"My fathers and I treated The Walking Dead and the classics like research for a few years now." She offered without any defensive tone.

"Bat shit crazy," the Latina mumbled.

"Like it or not her crazy is the only thing that may save our lives," Quinn said back without any pause.

"Sometimes crazy is good," Tina offered kindly, always one for dreaming, regardless of the impression her usual attire implied.

"Do you think bears like in the zoos with become zombies? That's something I don't want to face." Finn added causing Tina to immediately frown and Mike to slowly shake his head and look back to his girlfriend.

"I stand corrected," Tina said with furrowed eyebrows.

"Regardless of my preparation I doubt any of you own the Zombie Survival Guide or have read Pride, Prejudice and Zombies." Rachel voiced, trying to get them back on track which wasn't hard considering everyone was ignoring Finn's comment.

"Q has," Santana said with a shrug and received a glare from the former head cheerleader. "What? Its on your bookshelf."

"Whatever, I like Jane Austen," the blonde said flippantly to avoid sounding defensive. "But way to assume Berry," she said with a bite that made Rachel want to sigh. They were always vitrolic and tense with one another but it was ridiculously counter-productive at this point. Quinn was always pointing out her flaws, why would this setting be any different? High school was war-wasn't it? Just on a small scale. What did it matter that the stakes were raised to life or death?

"Soooo cell phones..."Artie trailed off, trying to get them back to more important needs.

"Let's go." Rachel said with command, already leading the way, and a small part of her was amazed everyone was following her. She felt like a little general. The unexpected feeling of pride hit her, then the intense wave of responsibility resting on her. Could she do this? Was this asking for too much? It was only drills with her fathers, they were never in real danger in her house as they role played and promoted a healthy imagination in the process. She planned to take Broadway by storm, she could do this. Right. She nodded to herself. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Of course I don't own Glee, seems pointless to mention. But this chapter is longer than what I considered the intro. Please point out anything you like/dislike. I want this to be intense and most of all in character. Pardon the typos please. Not much dialog in this chapter but I'm looking forward to more dialog in the next ch. Also this won't be a long story. Lastly-if you want anyone to die feel free to mention it. And naturally everyone will jump to Finn but he may serve a purpose, a small one.

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><p>The silence was overbearing, overwhelming and everyone seemed over it. They all loved music, notes, and making mash-ups. Rachel could feel it on her chest as she questioned if she had gone deaf, but she looked at everyone and caught them squinting through the flickering lights of the high school. It was sudden and shocking how the electricity was flickering in the bus garage. Eery was the perfect word but Rachel felt it was too cliche. Their lives were a horror movie and not the campy, off humor Scream slashers. This was heart palpitations, sweat, adrenaline, fear and stomachs unsure of what to do from every other thought overloading their senses. But there was the silence and that only added to the uncertainty and distubing atmosphere.<p>

Rachel was crouching down and looking around, careful to mind every step and not create noise to attrack any undeads. Every cell in her wanted to screa, her vocal chords were begging to express her dismay that this was reality, there wasn't any escaping it. When Will stepped on a pile of tools and broke the painful lack of music, chatter, gossip, everything that made up an everyday occurence in high school it seemed more sharp and intense. The produced sounded bounced off the barren walls making Rachel shut her eyes tightly and almost beging to pray that any Instinctuals, as she wanted to dub the zombies, didn't catch the disturbance. It seemed more human than calling them zombies. The term seemed archaic and they were still humane, she wanted to believe, but were reduced to acting on pure instincts.

A strong part of her didn't want to pray to god. What god would allow this to happen? If people had souls were they still inside the undead? They weren't fully dead. That was the problem, part of them kept going. If only they would just lie down. That was rational. It would be the end. Was it an out of body experience being an undead? Was it like being on drugs-foggy, all too hazy, void of control over your mind? Rachel shook her head to stop that thought process, there were of course more important things to focus on.

Mr. Shuester gave a grimmace as though to say sorry as he held still and resumed to follow the glee captain. Giving a small nod the singer accepted and squinted her eyes at everyone, edging on a glare. She couldn't help but notice that Quinn glared back and she felt safe in thinking her glare paled in comparrison. But then it softened and her eyes appeared to lighten as well. That was another bizarre thing that she put in her mental bank-Quinn's expressions being a little more open. That was a welcome change. For a selfish second she wanted to be in Quinn's mind. But would it be worse than this freakish nightmare?

The former cheerleader was mirroring the same thought the broadway obsessed singer was. If she felt like gambling she could bet musicals were the farthest thing from Rachel Berry's mind, but Quinn was fixated on getting into the bus. She was working in steps. Step 1-get on the damn bus. Step 2-get out of this town. Step 3-figure out what the next steps are. In between steps 2 and 3 she threw in-stop staring at Rachel.

Both of them didn't know they were both questioning who was a zombie...Russel, Judy, Rachel's dance teacher, Crazy Pete at the bus stop who always ranted the end is near, the nice guy at the bookstore who helped Quinn without hitting on her obnoxiously and anyone else who they had basically seen more than five times in their lives. Smoothly moving into the small bus they were caught up in the escapism of magical thinking, Rachel hoping people were unaffected and Quinn hoping their deaths were quick if they became affected, ever the cynic.

"The short bus, so help me, we couldn't carjack a bunch of ferraris," Santana whispered.

"Or an army of lamborghinis," Puck said with a small smile, "but fat chance in hell that's gonna happen," he said with an edge of sadness.

"Hummers," Artie said with a small nod. "We could steal them...borrow from Bryan Ryan," he said with some nods.

_The environment!_ Rachel screamed in her head. Her overly concerned awareness for the earth still protesting.

"The curbs will be our victims," Finn said with a lopsided, goofy smile. Again Tina frowned, wrinkles forming on the inside of her eyebrows and if Finn kept up his comments the girl might have them permanently.

"Dude, you make me look like a rocket freaking scientist, thanks," Puck said enthusiastically though in a whisper.

Quinn smirked at that, Rachel stiffled a laugh and cut through the needed comedic relief. Would she always be the buzzkill?

"Can you drive it? I should have asked before..." she veered off.

"I can drive it," Puck said, steady and sure. Everyone seemed to breath a sigh of relief at their bad boy's certain attitude. Pulling himself up and rubbing his mohawk as he sat in the driver's seat he waited for everyone to get on, his arms tensing, tendons twitching as he clenched the steering wheel. "Let's hit the road." He said with a glint in his eyes as everyone saw the small hoard of Instinctuals gathering at the garage exit, a digusting human barricade that made a few people's stomach contest and commit to flipping.

"Let's rock and roll," Puck said as he pressed on the gas when everyone was seated. When he hit a few undeads and a layer of blood splattered against the windshield forcing him to flick the wipers rachel thought she had certainly never seen anything like this in a rock and roll music video.

Sam looked like he was about to say whoooa, gruesome as his eyes enlarged but Santana beat him to it as they saw auburn hair and pale skin dart from around the corner.

"Her heinous bow has come undone, I'm predicting a freak out from the ocd spaz." Will quickly cut her a look but refrained from commenting, instead choosing to clench his jaw and demanding the mohawked boy to pull off and let her in. Naturally no one argued though they held their breaths when the door opened. That level allowing easy access for all of them to become zombies, infected, bitten, ripped apart and every other miserable thought that quickly went through their minds.

The fear, that mind numbing, solid, clenching feeling was holding them hostage. Their bodies were frozen. It was like a silent movie where everyone spoke with exaggerated facial expressions as Emma leaped onto the bus, like a frightened deer and exhanged a relieved look at Will who looked back with a mix of love, pride and renewed strength. They matched each other and supported one another. They were honed in on one another, it was sweet, if anything, clinging to someone you love and having someone in your corner. For a moment Rachel was envious of that, having someone offer mutual assurances. Wouldn't that be beautiful?

Her head slammed back against the padded seat and she swallowed saliva that was flooding her throat. She felt nauseous now that she had a few seconds to sit and acklowledge everything. It would have been best for her sanity if she didn't let everything settle in and seep into processing.

Going from locker to locker minutes ago, that felt like hours was like a game. Catch me if you can. She almost laughed. They were hardly gingerbread men, most were kids and most of society barely considered them adults. They couldn't vote yet, legally drink, though a drink seemed appealing right now, but she took note how Sam and Puck were good at sneaking around, taking cover and moving with a degree of stealth. Maybe it was the paintball she heard Finn mention, but they were all huddled together, arms touching or hands holding onto one another for the sake of feeling connected, to not get pulled away. It was in her mind's eye, playing like a medium of everyone being dragged away and she kept checking back over her shoulder making sure eveyone was accounted for.

It shouldn't have shocked her but it did. Why did Quinn always throw her off? Then again this was the most unpredictable situation they could be in so Rachel berated herself for thinking Quinn would only think of herself. Status wasn't an issue now; popular vs unpopular, labels, pretty vs unpretty, they were just survivors now. When she noticed the former cheerleading captain making sure everyone was still together she would follow directly behind the glee captain.

Rachel was distracted. Even though it wasn't about labels anymore she was hit with the fact that she and Quinn were once captains, and they both had type a personality traits. Even though Quinn seemed more subdued at times, but she considered that being a small part of their complicated dynamic of why they were often at odds with one another. But here they were, nonverbally agreeing they had each other's backs. As the brunette sat, inhaling and exhaling deeply as though she were doing yoga she turned her head and saw Quinn was sitting across the aisle from her on the bus. She wasn't sitting prim and proper as per her norm, her elbows were on her knees, she was cracking her neck released a tense breathe from her mouth.

_Why are you looking at her mouth? _

As if Quinn could hear her thoughts she turned her head and made unwavering eye contact and god as if those eyes could talk Rachel thought Quinn was saying I see what you're doing. Now focus on something else. Now!

Biting her lip was impulse as she turned away, feeling like an idiot. How could Quinn make her feel insecure without saying a word? Finally Rachel noticed the hum of background conversations. Everyone was whispering but began to pick up as they moved further away from the school. It only seemed fitting she and Quinn were the only ones not talking and the only ones who were sitting alone on the large green, pleather seats that vaguely smelled like vinyl.

"Where we goin' my jewish princess?" Puck asked, not taking his eyes off the road as he wound through the few deserted cars on the street. Rachel thought bitterly-_to a land far far away where happy endings are possible..._

"Nearest unpopulated police station." She said without a pause and saw Quinn raise an eyebrow.

"Tell me I'm stealing from cops, please make my year." He said with slight excitement as he looked in the rearview mirror and gave her a wink. For months, close to a year Noah had been like a brother to her. How she had ever kissed him really made her question her sanity, but she chalked it up to the bad boy appeal.

She had the jock boyfriend, the boyfriend who had the same goals and dreams she did...would Jessie survive? She briefly had the bad boy and she prided herself on being versatile. Her therapist said she had a deep and unhealthy need to connect and feel approval from someone, whether it be sexually or emotionally, but Rachel knew her pattern was they went hand in hand. Months ago she decided it would be healthier to be friends with someone first, get to know their pet peeve's, intense loves, things they couldn't live without and then maybe date them. That notion and every other thing on her bucket list were ghosts now as she looked at her peers in the seats and knew these were the people she was going to fight for and fight with. A family.

"Supplies and ammunition. Yes, Noah, everyone needs to be careful going in. If there are any police who are carrying any weapons that can act unpredictably. No one has been trained for this and I feel as though I don't need to remind people that fear makes people dangerous." She said in a professorial tone and almost smiled at how commanding she sounded. If only she was doing a workshop for broadway right now, this hidden strength would make her a powerful force. Her heart clenched for the second time that day at the daydream.

"Redundant, but noted Berry." Santana said and Rachel was thankful to hear it lacked the bite the Latina often directed at her and everyone seemed to be nodding. Will and Emma were too busy looking at eachother as he held her head and wiped a tear that had escaped her closed eyes. The leader turned her attention back to everyone else and held onto the professor role.

"We're going to call them U.D.'s for undead or Instinctuals. We don't need to get caught up on semantics, but they're people we know or have crossed paths with and I don't want us to think of them as just zombies. If we have to harm them then we will and we will practice shooting and more or less raid a sporting goods store for other supplies, but in case their are other people alive and...pilageing its safe to assume they're just as scared and may attack us so keep a safe distance from anyone." She said clearly but with run on sentences. This was valuable information. It was a plan, it would provide a focus and everyone needed to understand. "Any questions?" She asked patiently.

"What about our families?" Tina asked meekly, her face already showing signs that she would be crying.

"After this you should make your calls." Rachel said concretly.

"Grab as much ammo as we can carry even if we don't know how to use it?" Sam spoke up.

"Yes, we can train and hopefully learn from eachother if anyone has any hidden capabilities and think positively, we may have untaped potential." She replied, trying to keep moral. Glee was great for that. That was unforced and she said it with sincerity. Hopefully others felt the same.

"How far is this lakehouse?" Santana asked. "Not that I have anything better to do exactly, but I don't want Finn here asking are we there yet every fifteen minutes," she said with a smirk. At least the girl was reliable and for a second everyone relaxed at how this hadn't completely changed and stripped away everyone to shells.

"Half hour." Rachel said with a small smile, trying not to offend Finn who seemed to be taking it well, not minding he was the butt of the joke for once. Maybe his ego would take a backseat through this. Again she made eyecontact with everyone who seemed set with their brief questions though she did hear Brittany ask Santana if Lord Tubbington would be okay. Even that was endearing and she turned back around to look at the grey road with faded painted lines. A few minutes passed and the small brunette went over the checklist in her head of places to go. Police station, a sporting goods place, grocery store.

_Damn_ she thought. _Should have told everyone to gather fruits and vegetables and quality food before it goes bad and forget the canned items for now_. The canned food would keep for a long while. She made a mental note to mention it before looting.

Everyone was on their phones, trying desperately to get through and it was remarkable their weren't any screaming or raised voices, though she did hear a lot of "please pick up, pick up, come on..." It was chatter and her fathers had already called. Logically all she had to do was sit and wait to reach one of the destinations before reaching "homebase."

What broke her from her thoughts was a soft, but solid voice asking, "How are you?" Looking up Rachel took in how Quinn wasn't on her cellphone. It wasn't even in her hand. It took a full minute for the singer to realize Quinn had turned towards her and spoke to her, intently asking something that went beyond common courtesy as she emphasized the YOU.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thank you for reading! I'm having a lot of fun with this, its like a destress to the day. Excited to write the next chapter because its madness, sheer madness! Hopefully you enjoy it, review if you'd like, they're appreciated. And if possible-try to listen to The National song this story gets its title from. Its creepy and just great. (In my opinion.) And hey, this chapter is much longer than the others. Good times all around. Especially when I have Starbucks.

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><p>Blink. They were on the bus. Blink. Clammoring off the bus, everyone taking catious steps as they silently tried to go through a police station. Blink. In a sporting good store. Blink. Everyone was walking in a tight group through a grocery store. Blink. They were back on the bus. Most of them...<p>

Rachel felt like she was losing her mind. Everything was happening too fast. When they were on the bus everyone but she and Quinn had made phone calls. No one got through to their parents or siblings. All the lines were jammed or said in that robotic, overly fake tone-the number you have reached is no longer in service, please check the number and dial again. The patronizing tone had clearly been too much for Puck when he threw his phone against the windshield and it popped open. Tha battery flew out and Quinn felt that it was part of his sanity crashing to the floor as well. As tough as Puck tried to play it, his family meant a lot to him. At least the concept of a family did. The lack of a father plagued him and shaped him into who he was.

There was a disconnect and Rachel was trying to weed through it. She was in front of the group, Puck was next and crouched down, copying her stance. They all made their way through the police station, picking up discarded weapons until they reached the jackpot of rooms that held an array of options. That couldn't stop Puck from smiling, even if he was tense and was clearly itching to shoot any undead that came into view. Everyone was focused, yet had a glazed look in their eyes from repressed tears. Sam gathered every grenade he could find and mumbled to himself, "why the hell would police have grenades?" It was another thing to add to the list that didn't make an iota of sense.

The bus felt like days ago, but the search through the sporting goods store made Rachel shudder. It was desolate. They had the place to themselves and she wondering if this was how murderers felt when they went shopping for the ideal killing tool. Mike grabbed a baseball bat and swung it a few times. Rachel thought he looked confident and solid. Alterations would have to be made, but they would make due. For a second she thought this was like Project Runway for Homocide. By hammering a few nails into the bat that would make an excellent weapon of choice for him. her own line of thinking disturbed her and she shook her head only to see Santana choosing more guns after she had taken two from the police. _Dear god help us_ she thought sardonically as Santana smirked as she tested the feel of the guns. Finn was getting sleeping bags and Rachel had to admit that was pretty smart when she recalled him telling her about camping with his family-Kurt's dad, his stepdad now...

Tina was grabbing backpacks and gym bags, tossing them to everyone, not really interested in finding a tool of destruction. Glimpses were caught of everyone else, but she barely registered them. She was tired, adrenaline was running low and she wanted to sit down. Give into the fatigue or cling to being antsy? Both were little devils on her shoulders, neither providing what she wanted. Feeling a headache build she sat down on a padded bench.

Breathe in, breathe out. Do this, do that. Don't do this, don't do that. Her brain was working on different ends of the spectrum. It wasn't until she saw Quinn with her hands on her hips peering at the archery section did her mind blank. A pale hand reaching out to touch the beautiful, dark wooden bow was like seeing something that was meant to happen slowly build. When the former cheerleader took the bow and an arrow from a tube that bundled them together and gracefully put the arrow in place and draw the tight string back it was like seeing a violinist play their instrument. And when Quinn pivoted to the target, lined the shot and released it in under five seconds Rachel held her breath, almost hearing the arrow sing.

"Damn Q." Santana said with respect as Brittany had an arm around the brunette's waist.

"Well done, Quinn. Its wonderful to see somehow have such a natural affinity towards something, how marvelous." Emma said in a maternal tone. Well one that she presumed was motherly, fully aware she never really had a mother. She had a woman that took her off the shelf, played with her, got bored and put her back on the shelf. And yes, she knew that was dramatic, but sometimes it felt that was it in a nutshell.

Emma was underselling it though. Rachel thought Quinn looked stunning. Fierce was another desriptive that popped in her head and almost smirked when Brittany said, "That was really hot," because Rachel couldn't deny that, but she wasn't going to jump on that live wire and agree either. Quinn seemed to ignore everyone and grabbed another arrow, lined the shot and hit the red center again that was obviously meant for show and not funtional use. The arrow lodged into the padded wall, inches away from the other and Rachel felt her eyes enlarge. The muscles in the taller girl's arms weren't straining. She was poised as ever and Rachel though it was insane how Quinn had such an affinity for archery; how graceful she made it look. Those were the words she used and she could have combined them to their own sentence-graceful affinity. Because watching Quinn master it as though it were a part of her being was a gift. For once Rachel was short on words as she kept watching and only stopped when Quinn ran out of arrows that met their mark and littered the bullseye.

Finally when Quinn strode over and turned around after yanking the arrows back out and palming them did she notice their group had formed a cresent moon and watched. When the blonde looked at everyone in a challenging question of "what the hell" Rachel chose to clear her throat.

"Okay. Everyone gather what you want, anything you need and lets get to the grocery store."  
>She said with command and felt their little microcosm shift again.<p>

"B found a four wheeler so we're following," Santana said as she pulled a backpack onto her body and fastened it. Brittany gave the smallest smile and a small skip.

"It'll be like motorcross, but completely different," she said. "You'll have my arms around me the whole time or you go back on the bus," Brittany said with her own command to Santana is a gentle whisper, but Rachel heard it, given that she had perfect pitch. Santana didn't even seem to mind that she was essentially being bossed around. The leader smirked and looked back at Quinn.

Quinn, who had strength. It was always hidden and they caught glimpses over the years, but her former tormentor would be an allie now, she hoped for it more than anything as she took another breath. "Gather fruits and vegetables and anything perishable. The canned food we can go back for, but get bottled water, gatoraid, essentials." Again she nodded, turned and felt everyone follow her. When she was back on the bus, surprised to be lucky enough to avoid U.D's at both locations did she crack her neck when they were on the move again.

The bus seemed more weighted down with their gear and stolen merchandise as everyone moved most of it to one seat, but the brunette saw Quinn slide into the seat across from her with two bows in hand. And with the arrows were strapped to her back, the sundress and wedges it seemed so conflicted to Rachel. The outward image and attitude didn't match up. Though Rachel felt she would miss the dresses and sweaters Quinn wore, she didn't stop herself from entertaining the thought of Quinn in black jeans, a t-shirt and a faux leather jacket. Of course faux. She hadn't lost all her standards, but she knew she wouldn't have a say in Quinn's choice of fashion if they ever decided to go on a new wardrobe hunt. Something she thought Kurt would eventually make them do. Instinctuals be damned, he would find Marc Jacobs and make it work. Looking down at herself she thought the skirts would have to be put in storage, so to say. She was already feeling a little cold or it might have been the fear that created goosebumps, but she knew at the lake she'd feel cold.

At the grocery store everyone kept together, until Emma found the cosmetic section and wandered, followed by Santana. Quinn gave an eyeroll. Makeup at this time? Her cynical thinking stopped when she saw Ms. Pilsbury load up her own backpack with sanitizer and facial wipes. Quinn did the same, but not to the guidance councelor's extent until she felt someone watching her as Emma gathered tubes of toothpaste and handfulls of toothbrushes, Rachel assumed was for everyone. Quinn's hand froze midair and asked Rachel, "can I help you?"

It was said kindly but that pure, harsh attitude was right under. The brunette was about to reply when Quinn cut her off. "Nevermind-how many bathrooms are in the house?" She asked in a professional tone and Rachel was a bit thrown how fluidly Quinn could bound from one tone to another.

"One."

"Looks like Britts and myself will bite the bullet and combine our shower times-conserve water...and time." She said with a lopsided smile and then went back to grabbing items. Quinn gave a small smile-not expecting anything else from Santana and it was reassuring. Some things wouldn't change as they all waited for the other shoe to drop-the volcano to explode, the bomb to go off.

With food and provisions and supplies they all made it back onto the bus. The guys were thrilled to grab some junk food and Rachel offered a tiny smile to them, knowing it was normal to get a few bags of pure carcinogens.

Blink. A week had passed. No, no, she was wrong. Two weeks. Two weeks! How did that happen? Rachel remembered telling everyone where they could stay and everyone decided on rooms. She remembered there became a routine, but she didn't remember being this quiet. Talking with her dads after school was normal, listening to music was normal, popping a dvd in and appreciating Barbara Streisand, not in an envious way, was getting to her. But she remembered snippets. Tina took to cooking and although she told her she didn't have to the girl seemed more than willing to stay out of the potential fighting and guard duty. Of course everytime Mike went out she became tense.

Not that it was anyone's duty but the guys seemed to make it their jobs. Protect the women. Rachel had rolled her eyes at that. They weren't barbaric but the women in their group were hardly defenseless. Santana had gotten really good at using a hand gun and killed a few zombies when they become too close to the fence for anyone's comfort. Quinn shot her arrows when they got past Santana and Britt was used as bait on the dirt bike they had gone back and stolen.

The dirt bike and four wheeler were huge helps. They allowed the group to make quick trips for supplies and two people were able to go instead of the entire group. Stealth wasn't an issue for anyone anymore, even Finn, though he wasn't on the level as the others, but he got by. They had built a ramp for artie by taking apart a picnic table to get him into the house which he was extremely appreciative of. Things were running, sometimes roughly, sometimes smoothly. She remembered Quinn coming out of the shower, hair brushed back, in a grey t-shirt and black pants and stood with squared shoulders than yelled for the house to hear. Rachel wouldn't have seen it if she wasn't in the hallway trying to find another blanket.

"Everyone-listen up. When you are done with the shower clean it. Common sense. Or I will kill you." She bluffed and everyone knew it, but a pissed off Quinn meant tension and possible violence and not on U.D's. She saw a few of the guys look away and Emma shake her head that it wasn't clean. As far as hygiene went everyone still smelled fine, no one was ripe, thank god for that, but Finn was starting to look scruffy since he chose to not shave as much. Puck was letting his hair grow and the mohawk was there was less maintained, Sam still looked like a little boy, though Rachel thought he did have nice lips for a guy. Santana wore makeup but not as much and a tiny part of Rachel was thrilled when she saw the Latina natural and thought she's pretty, but she also used makeup to look the way she does. Will looked the same except for vests. Of course Santana commented on that. Kurt and Blaine looked stylish, though not as expressive. Their fashion altered a little more miltary,less flare. Tina was the same, bit punk and it worked for her. Quinn...Quinn had changed the most. She wore her short hair usually in a small ponytail, was often seen in a t-shirt and dark skinny jeans. No one commented, well, Puck did once, about her backside and Quinn looked like she was was ready to slap him when she moved closer. Rachel remembered stepping between them and quickly saying "violence should be used for survival." She noted that Quinn narrowed her eyes at Puck but walked away.

Now a day after she was looking at Puck who was shoveling food into his mouth. "Don't bother me. This is like my zen," he said gruffly but smiled after he swallowed.

"Noah, I think you know that its not productive to antagonize Quinn. Everyone is tense and ready to snap. Please don't provoke her or anyone. We need to hold each other up, not make jabs that you know won't be appreciated." She said diplomatically.

"Good speech babe, but my baby mama was freaking cruel and prvoked or whatever to you for years. Maybe its karma and I'm just the bastard dollin' it out." He said with a nod.

"You're not a bastard, Noah." She said quietly and didn't deny that Quinn had been mean to her for years. He noticed she left that part out and was glad for it. Rachel was incredibly forgiving, but sometimes he wished she'd have defended herself more often.

"I miss your singing." He said quietly and with complete sincerity. Rachel was touched. He hadn't offered such a considerate compliment to her...ever, if her memory was right. "I miss alcohol too," he said with a large grin and that got a smile out of her. Also an eyeroll, but he was pretty content with himself that he made their unofficial leader smile. She hadn't genuinely smiled for over a week. At that joke the small brunette got up and said something about trying to take a nap. He knew it wasn't an invitation, though he wouldn't have minded, but Rachel looked exhausted.

She didn't have dinner like everyone else, even though somedays they all ate together and others they sat around wherever. He watched her walk away. It wasn't that he was checking her out, he wasn't at all, but he noticed the way her clothes hung loosely one her and made a note to work on that. It wasn't all about zombies all the time. When he was alone, in his zen moment, he thought about life, how much it had changed, surviving and the quality of life. Strange, yeah, but he wasn't an idiot. School just wasn't his thing. Maybe making people better would be his personal mission.

By the second week the masochistic tendencies in Quinn wanted her to walk into an empty liquor store and take whatever her heart desired. The larger part didn't want to be her father's daughter. Luckily that won out and she declined Puck's offers to go on trips with him, even though he was getting beer and never drank to get drunk. Nearing tipsy, sure, but he explained he couldn't take the risk of letting his guard down.

When was the last time she let her guard down? She watched as Emma was the mother figure and would lightly pat a shoulder or squeeze an arm when anyone came back from a trip. Will had been akin to a father figure for Finn for years, but he stepped it up for others, though Quinn never wanted them as parental figures and she noticed Rachel was reserved around them. If the blonde was honest with herself she wanted to know what happened to the people who were once her mother and father. The issue was for years they hadn't earned those titles. She was silently playing a mental battle in her head-if she should go back to that house that wasn't her home for years or stick to being busy-taking from abandoned stores, surviving, not getting killed, not being turned...

Every thought stopped as she heard Rachel humming in the hallway. It seemed strained, as though she was about to actually sing, express lyrics and words that would probably convey everything the girl felt, but instead she kept humming until it was cut off after the sound of a door closing practically echoed.

That night became bitter. Not just their group's moods but the weather blew through you, into your bones and Rachel's jaw was so tense and sore from clenching it that she had to unhinge her jaw, resulting in a click. She was unbelievably tense and wanted to grumble when she realized everyone had someone to share body heat with. Ms. Pilsbury and Mr. Shue, Mike and Tina, Sam and Mercedes, Kurt and Blaine, Santana and Brittany...okay, not everyone. Again, Rachel felt like she was outside looking in, the unintentional loner, the loser who wasn't part of the group. It made her feel pathetic that she didn't have someone to hold onto. Then again...Puck and Finn weren't about to cuddle, but at least the thought amused her when she considered how absurd it was.

She could imagine seeing them fight over who the big spoon would be if they were ever comfortable with their mascilinity to do so. That left Quinn...

Quinn could have cuddled with either of them if she seemed at all interested, but there was that intense history and resentment between the three that made U.D's seem like cute baby pandas. When her joints started to ache she groaned and got out of bed when she pressed her hands into her stomach and flinched at how cold her fingers were.

It could have been sleep walking or desperation but she was moving in a half sleep towards Quinn's room. She didn't bother to knock on the closed door, but she whispered the blonde's name and didn't hear a response. She felt like a creep but wanting to last through the night won out over becoming a corpse. Be tense, tense, tense, TENSE. She was tired of the word. The cold made her muscles lock and more vulnerable to feeling miserable. It was pure survival that she sat at the edge of the bed.

Quinn felt the bed dip and a coldness get under the blankets in a draft. She pulled the blankets closer to herself, though didn't need to, she felt plenty warm, but it was for security more than anything. The cacoon was hers.

"You hog the covers?" Rachel whispered, amused and shocked Quinn seemed possessive with the subtle act. The blonde glared but it fell unnoticed in the dark.

"I wouldn't know, I've never slept with anyone." She said tiredly and wasn't fully thinking, but she blushed a moment later. "I...haven't had someone sleep next to me," she ammended.

"That's about to change. I can't feel my extremeties and you seem fine in sweaters though its been freezing out and...can I sleep here?" Rachel asked quietly and feared being kicked out. The thought almost made her eyes water, but she wasn't about to cry in front of Quinn, even in the dark. No one in their right mind would want to be that naked.

"Rachel Berry-the klepto. You're planning on stealing my body heat. At least you were blunt about it." Quinn said back calmly, not annoyed and equally as amused. No one had ever asked to sleep next to her and although she felt vulnerable, she deemed it oddly sweet. With a sigh she pulled the cover open and watched as Rachel slowly got in, looking as though she was about to get bitten. And maybe to Rachel, Quinn was a bear, but she really didn't have the energy to bite the head off "goldielocks".

A minute later with Rachel settled in, back turned to Quinn, the blonde could see the smaller girl was stiff, though she wasn't shivering. She was about to say something, but couldn't decide on which thought until Rachel beat her to it.

"I'm less freezing already, thank you." She said gently and awkwardly. Quinn, woman of few words that she was kept looking at Rachel, feeling tense herself that Rachel was so close to her. Small hands were trapped between thin, though toned thighs and Quinn caught the flinch and the shivering that hit Rachel's body immediatly after. She rolled her eyes, though she knew Rachel couldn't see, and slowly, as though she were witnessing someone else's hand them arm move in front of her she gently pulled Rachel's hands from her own body and held the smaller hand in her own, trying to ignore how they fit together well...remarkably well, like a damn glove, like she was suppose to protect Rachel.

"Quinn..." Rachel questioned, shocked the former cheerleader would even touch her, least of all provide comfort in the form of heat.

"If this...if this is going to continue when its cold you have to call me Lucy." Quinn swallowed and her voice remained composed. "I need you to call me Lucy."

Rachel wanted to ask why. Of the top three questions that came to her immediately, to her, why was the most important. But she guessed, astute as she was, that it was easier for Quinn to create another wall, another pointless barrier. For Quinn it was the opposite, but she wasn't about to voice it. With Rachel every miniscule interaction was real and a showing of the real her. Everyone else still expected her to act a certain way but with Rachel it was like a blank slate. Tabula Rasa.

"Just go to sleep," she sighed in reply, exhausted from being woken up, not that her sleep was restful, but it was better than nothing. The last thing she remembered was Rachel's shoulders slouching and her breathing getting deep.

Kurt was trying to whisper but was failing miserably as Quinn was coming out of her sleep. More like being pulled out as she caught the words, "they're adorable together," followed by Mercedes saying, "so cute, so strange, but cute." Since their friends were incapable of whispering she opened an eye and replied in a sleep filled, graveled voice.

"I have a gun less than three feet away and you choose to call me adorable?" She raised her eyebrow after that and wondering if they had redefined death wish.

"Quinn, love you girl," Mercedes said at a nearly normal volume, giving up on whispering, "but after the chaos of zombies your bitch look just 'aint cuttin' it." Laughter that was trying to be held in followed by the two standing figures until Quinn pushed herself up on her left arm to come closer to the intruders.

"Wake her up and I'll kill you." She whispered harshly knowing Rachel's dark spots under her eyes seemed permanent for the last week. The racoon look detracted from Rachel's recent tough attitude.

"But there are endless comments to be made," Kurt said with a smirk and wasn't focused on Rachel in the meantime and didn't notice how the smaller girl tense after feeling Quinn coil-ready for a verbal throw down with her close friend.

"Quinn, stop it." She said after she stretched her body against the blonde's like a cat. It almost sounded like Rachel was singing and Quinn refrained from expressing how much she missed Rachel's voice. "I want Lucy right now," she said lazily as Rachel's back pressed into the front of Quinn.

"Out," the blonde commanded. An absolute-you cannot argue with me tone in that one word. Finally they left, but not before Mercedes shot her a "rock on girl" smirk.

Rolling over Quinn ignored everything as best as she could. Dreams were a break but hardly healthy to indulge in, though she wanted to get back to hers where Beth was alive, okay, and somehow miraculously cared for.

"What immortal hand or eye dare frame they fearful symmetry." Rachel said in a reading voice, as though she were narrating. She wanted to reach out and touch the skin below Quinn's shoulder blade. It seemed soft and somehow strong once the muscle rippled. Her fingers were centimeters away from grazing the inked skin, amazed that Quinn would mark herself with words. "The Ryan Secrest tattoo was a fake?" Rachel asked, confused, her voice back to normal.

"Of course. I'm not an idiot. It was a decoy," Quinn said with humor, still not fully awake as she smirked. Although Rachel couldn't see the playfulness she could hear it. She caught the carefree lightness and wanted to commit it to memory but Quinn shocked her again by turning around and facing her, arms hesitantly holding her waist, but a strong arm keeping her grounded. It was the hazel eyes that added to the surrealness. The "I'm playing with you" and mysteriousness to them...Quinn was a tiger, Rachel realized. She was so many things and the beauty was she'd never be able to pinpoint Quinn, even if she asked her a hundred questions. As much as she tried to understand while Quinn encircled her.

The blonde didn't feel self-conscious as she felt Rachel roam over her features, looking her over as though she were cells under a microscope...but Rachel somehow managed to seem respectful at the same time. Not an examination. It was appreciative more than anything and she felt her back relax. Quinn thought that was the beauty of Rachel. They could be silent and it wasn't heart attack inducing. The woman before her, who was willingly with her, as she had been throughout the years telling her she was there to be a friend, there to talk to, that shoulder to freaking lean on, that she made the point to be with Quinn, maybe be more than a friend in secrecy, because she felt the potential in that, but even before the instinctuals she tried to know her without setting limitations or restrictions.

"What is it from? It seems familiar." Rachel said softly, voice still unused from the few hours of real sleep. She smiled up at Quinn, enjoying the laid back conversation. She should have crawled in bed with Quinn ages ago, but that would have never happened. She knew the threat of an apocolypse was the only way she'd be allowed in this position. Though she was formal with Quinn they were both relaxed, it might have been perplexing if it wasn't their norm.

"A William Blake poem. Tyger, Tyger. It was spelled with a y until it was changed to the modern t.i.g.e.r." She said with closed eyes, close to being back asleep, even though she didn't mind having this conversation with Rachel, someone that she thought wouldn't judge her.

"That's beautiful," the brunette said after it all sunk in. It took a moment and she censored herself, stopping in time from saying-you're beautiful. Rachel had lost count of the times she had called Quinn pretty or beautiful over their high school careers and combative history, but this felt heavier. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. The word was stuck on repeat in her head and she didn't mind it. Quinn was sharing, granted under half-consciousness, and Rachel made a mental note to try for honest conversations with Quinn while the blonde would be half asleep again, but at the moment she thought Quinn's mind was beautiful. There was something still beautiful in the world.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews and alerts-very cool. This is really a lot of fun to write and this chapter was brought to you by a lot of espresso and frustration after I lost one of my notes. My bed ate it since I can't find them. Plus side-the next chapter should be longer.

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><p>"What are you thinking?"<p>

She had asked the question with heavy hesitancy and spoke it in a whisper. Her voice didn't trust the question or fully trust the person she was voicing it to or the outcome, she couldn't decide. What she knew was she felt intrusive asking.

Quinn looked out the window, eyes unfocused, and distant.

"If my sister is alive," she said in equal softness to Rachel's tone and she had strained to hear the smaller girl's statement. Somehow that made it feel more real. That they were being bare, feeling everything, and yet they were actively straining for it. Would that always be the case? they would always be out of reach to one another? Or was it that there would always be that struggle? Either way Quinn's answer came after a solid three minutes of waiting.

Rachel was shocked. She wondered when she would stop feeling shocked by this girl who was often so combative and yet let her into her bed last night. Quinn had a sister? How did she not know that? "Where does she live?" Rachel asked, trying to find something safe.

"Massachusetts. We used to be close," she said with a sigh and immediately regretted sharing that. She grimaced and Rachel could practically tell what Quinn was thinking.

"Have hope." She said with strength and Quinn questioned where she found the energy when she looked exhausted. Two small words but such optimism. They needed it. They all needed it. The blonde frowned as Rachel moved to get out of bed. It had to be 8 o'clock. There wasn't anything to do. Why would Rachel need to be out of bed? Quinn made the choice to stay in bed until 9:30 usually. The question was on the tip of her tongue-where are you going? Naturally she didn't want to appear too eager for human interaction or conversation so she repressed the question and kept staring, but then her mind went blank.

Why was Rachel wearing such short shorts? Was that legal? No wonder the girl was freezing. Was she addicted to short items of clothing like her skirts that she couldn't refrain from wearing inappropriate clothing? Quinn's thoughts jumped from one to the next as Rachel lifted her hands over her head and stretched, back cracking and a still half asleep yawn making its way out.

"You have a lot of books..." Rachel said through the quiet. It was a simple observation but she wondered when Quinn took them. On their raids? They never searched bookstores.

"Mhm," Quinn offered and settled back into bed, but kept a watchful eye on Rachel.

"When She Woke..." Rachel trailed off as she tilted her head and squinted her eyes at it, expecting it to hold secrets to Quinn. Like any room the items a person had gave an impression of their personality and if this was the only time she'd get to know Quinn she would take it. "What's it about?"

"You're illiterate and can't read the back?" Quinn said back quickly and with amusement. Rachel snapped a look over her shoulder, surprised the blonde was being such a smartass. But maybe this was the real Quinn, who was apparently witty, still a little mean, but smart.

"I'm asking for a synoposis. You don't have to be such a...pain." Rachel said with a smirk, indicating she could have chosen a different word but purposefully didn't.

"I'm not a bitch, I'm momentarily difficult," the blonde said in a light tone, but challenged the smaller girl at the same time.

Isn't that the truth? Rachel thought but asked, "What's it about, Lucy?" Again she used Quinn's birth name. The blonde would always be Quinn but she was beginning to see bits of Lucy or traits to Quinn that had been buried beneath a seemingly very conservative, Christian upbringing.

"Abortion." Quinn said nonchalantly, but to Rachel it was like a bullet. Why would Quinn read that? She had a child, she gave birth to a child. Beth existed, she hoped she still existed. Had Quinn ever wanted to not have Beth? Not keep her baby but didn't have other options. Oh god. Rachel felt the need to sit down and took a seat at the end of the bed. In the light of day she noticed how large the bed was, how Quinn must have moved closer intentionally because they could have comfortably been apart the entire night.

"Do..did...I don't know what to say," Rachel said looking at the floor.

"Read it." Quinn said without a demand. If anything it seemed to be an invitation.

"It really doesn't seem like light reading..." the brunette tried to joke.

"Your choice." Quinn said and Rachel turned around to frown at Quinn, wondering if the former cheerleader who was the poster girl for abstinence realized how fitting her short reply was. It was a choice; Abortion...living...dying...

Slowly Rachel got up from the bed, feeling like she hadn't been punched in the stomach. Really-how often could Quinn surprise her? The steady intake of air helped her to not overthink. She wasn't going to ask any of her questions. Lucy was less...guarded than Quinn but that didn't mean that couldn't change in a second if anything became too personal, hit a nerve or ten...

Rachel felt unsolid and needed to retreat to anything that was familiar...her room.

"I'll see you..." Rachel trailed off and left the room, forgetting the book and leaving to her blande room that didn't hold books like Lucy's. Her thoughts shifted to another to do list: grab a change of clothes for her shower, check the lakehouse, go on an errand with Mike, Finn and Mercedes, help Tina with laundry, check supplies...she felt like passing out in the shower if she made it there.

For four nights Rachel snuck into Quinn's room and laid beside her. They didn't speak and most of her didn't mind, but she was discontent knowing she looked forward to the nights more than the daylight hours. Everything was starting to seem grey. The U.D's skintone, the sky, her friend's clothes...nothing was vibrant, she hadn't felt that anything was envigorating for days...except her nights. And that was the problem. she felt more alive at night when she should have been winding down. It was Quinn's arm securely around her, not constricting or sexual in nature, the blonde's body was close to her, but she was never held her near her chest and Rachel wished Quinn was a cuddler. _Lucy. She's Lucy when she's like this-when we're together...but not together. _Rachel reminded herself as moved closer to the ex cheerleader after a shiver went through her body.

Fingertips pressed into her lower stomach more, a palm holding her closer, and Rachel wished they talked. Their silent arrangement was beginning to frustrate her. They were civil and bordering on friendly when everyone was awake and they wandered throughout the large house, but when it was only them, in their little bubble they shut up and were tight lipped. Rachel didn't agree to it, though she felt like an enabler. Quinn accepted that Rachel came in at night and that was more than obvious when on the third night the blonde had moved to one side of the bed and had left the other bare for Rachel, assuming she'd be in. The sentiment amused the brunette and she found is slightly charming, though distressing that Quinn was growing to expect she would be sharing her bed. Rachel didn't want to overstep but she thought the archer was nonverbally saying she wanted to be used as a human heater, not that Quinn would want to be used...

"Quinn..." she whispered. There was fear that waking her would result in death, but this was more important. They needed to connect and discuss anything they had before. It was as though they had taken a few steps forward then ran a mile backwards. "Lucy..." she tried again and spoke louder.

"Mmm." The blonde said, slowly coming out of her sleep. It wasn't a "what?" but Rachel took it as an indication that the girl was awake.

"I think I'm losing my mind," she whispered, voice lower than before because this was hard. God damn it, it was like taking off a cast before the bone was completely healed. "I miss watching Funny Girl even though I have it memorized...and when I close my eyes I can see it scene for scene." She said in a soft rush. It was pety. Funny Girl was comforting to her. It was her go to routine when anything upset her and this nightmare of a reality was making her desire escapism with every fiber within her. "But I have to think about other things...like how unsafe it is to use Brittany as bait on the dirt bike so a line of U.D's follow her and then its like that game at carnivals where you line up the shot and try to get as many down as you can...and its like an absolute death line...because...there WAS death and now there's sleeping death and...I don't want to wander. Its not true-that saying...I think those Instinctuals are lost." She admitted and felt a mental release. Those thoughts had been in her head for days and she hadn't voiced them. It was like emotional throw up, but she needed it, even if Quinn wasn't listening, it felt better to know someone was in the room with her. "You make it less hard," she admitted to the darkness. How strange that she hated all the grey but found comfort in pitch black.

"Rachel," Quinn said gently, as though she was talking to a scared animal. At least that was how the brunette took the tone. The hand that moved back and forth over Rachel's lower stomach, fingertips grazing under her shirt and over bare skin made the brunette close her eyes and bite her lower lip. The action was completely gentle and reassuring with the intent of soothing and the smaller girl was baffled that Lucy could offer such comfort. "You won't turn into them." The reply was said in a solid, certain tone. How could Rachel argue against that? Really-she didn't want to. There was strong conviction in those words and she didn't have the energy to give a retort when she felt fingertips still grazing her skin, coaxing the tension from her body.

"Mmmm," she moaned as though she was being given a massage._ Oh my god_! She moaned because of Quinn Fabray, she made an unintentionally noise due to Lucy Fabray and she couldn't take it back! Thank god they were in the dark and she was facing away from the woman holding her because she didn't know she could blush this badly. Her face was burning, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears and there was a headache forming. She hated being overwhelmed, its why she spent years being rather type a personality and admittedly controlling. Space was more than needed and she moved a few inches away and felt Quinn's hand stop, but lightly held her hip. To the blonde that hip bone was more prominent than she thought was healthy and it really worried her. She knew Rachel avoided mirrors, that she rarely looked at herself and was more focused on surviving, but the smaller girl felt too small and it scared her.

"Rachel..." she said in a come back tone. Both knew the former blonde would never actually say those words but the subtext was so keenly there, so present that it was like an invitation; a letter that Quinn sent out that Rachel could physically hold. Quinn saw the girl flinch and felt that this unspoken agreement of silent meetings weren't working. "If you need to talk then get it out. I'm not in a position to judge you. And god...after years of you saying you'd listen to me I should return the offer," she said at a normal speaking level as though they were having a simple conversation that could have taken place in their school hallway or in the bathroom after prom. Hell, she knew, she probably should have said this after she slapped the girl. Maybe it was that realization that made her move her hand and slowly rub the girl's back.

A minute passed and Quinn noticed that Rachel seemed less stiff, but was now shivering.

"Turn around and look at me," Quinn commanded softly and Rachel's mind flashed to Quinn in a cheerios uniform. This was the captain talking and not Lucy. She didn't want that version of Quinn and she knew it was selfish but she didn't stop herself from expressing it.

"Mmm no. I want Lucy. I'm sorry, but I can't have a conversation with you if," she said gently, without any critical tone and heard the blonde inhale deeply.

"Fair enough." The tone that delivered the statement made Rachel think Quinn would make an excellent lawyer. "Please turn around," she said in a softer voice and Rachel was amazed how the girl with her could shift so easily. It was like she had a split personality, a multiple personality to be more clinical, but it was also depressing how Quinn was behind closed doors and how she was to the public. If she had seen Lucy throughout high school Rachel thought they would have been friends. That thought made her roll onto her side to face hazel eyes that somehow managed to be seen in the dark...Rachel thanked the moon for that.

Those hazel eyes roamed her features and she felt bare. Now she didn't want to talk, she went as far to bite her bottom lip again to hold in her thoughts. Quinn saw brown eyes become more troubled as a deep frown formed on Rachel. It was a crutch to use gestures and physical reassurances over an open conversation but Quinn's arm reached out and held the smaller girl's hip again. Soft fingertips grazing over a flat stomach to rest in the dimples of Rachel's lower back. She was confused when Rachel moaned again but didn't run from the room. If anything it was thrilling to get a reaction from Rachel who had become robotic over the past week.

"The Rachel Berry I knew wouldn't hesitate to take center stage right now," again with that reaching tone that made Rachel want to confess every thought and every emotion even as Lucy was lightly joking.

"I was a selfish girl then. I was allowed to be. My fathers promoted it...but I have to worry about how we're all going to make it through tomorrow and into the next week...and I really wish The Lima Bean was open because I could go for a soy latte, double shot of espresso, with a sugar free shot of vanilla." She tried to joke but the humor fell flat, but the blonde was decent enough to give a small smile.

"You're ridiculous," Lucy said with amusement though and Rachel immediately relaxed more once the hand on her lower back resumed making small circles.

"Sometimes," she said with a small smile of her own. "Are you tired?" She asked the taller girl, feeling it necessary to check in and make sure she wasn't keeping her from sleep. It was the considerate thing to do since she always felt that she was intruding on her and taking over her space.

"I was," she said honestly, "but never as tired as you seem if you want to juxtapose our need for sleep," she said in an observational manner. In an instant Rachel thought about how wonderful it was to have an intellectual discussion with someone who used the word juxtapose. She hadn't been able to when she dated Finn and this was a nice change of pace.

"I don't," the brunnette said with a sigh and decided to steer the conversation somewhere else. It was taking a risk, a dangerous gamble, but she wanted it and what Rachel Berry wanted, she knew she would try to get. "I need something else," she said in a steady voice even though her body shook. To Quinn it came off as a shiver and she moved an inch forward as she pulled Rachel closer by her strong arm. It wasn't difficult considering how small the girl was, but feeling how tiny Rachel was and seeing the shiver run through her frame hit a nerve and made Lucy want to protect the heady girl.

"What do you need?" Lucy asked openly, feeling as though the question needed to be ask for Rachel to continue.

_Tell her or not tell her? Are you even positive you want this? Is it a want or a need? Are you desperate to feel something that you're forcing more for very selfish reasons? Is this fair to Quinn...Lucy, who's let you intrude on her? Are you confused and you just want someone to make you feel something? Where's a therapist when you need one?_

"Rachel?" Lucy asked in a way that made the overthinking girl hope she'd hear more often. It was soothing. It had an air of patience and wanting to draw Rachel back to the bitter, harsh present. It said what you have to say will be safe behind closed doors, and Rachel knew she wouldn't grow tired of the way Lucy said her name.

Slowly and as though she were having an out of body experience she felt her hand lift from the mattress, her arm moving from being tucked under her and she moved fingertips to touch a pale cheekbone then cupped the strong jaw. She saw muscles in fair skinned neck rippled as the taller girl swallowed and realized that would be the only give away that Quinn was overwhelmed.

"Please don't hate me. I know this is asking a lot...and I can't believe I'm going to ask this, but I should because I value honesty and..." she inhaled sharply to allow herself a moment to think. "I don't want to demand anything from you. I don't expect anything from you and I can leave if you want."

"I'm not going to kick you out," Quinn said gently and her eyes narrowed. A frown forming on her expressive eyebrows and Rachel wanted to run her fingers over them to will them to soften but instead moved her hand slightly so she was ghosting her fingertips along the blonde's hairline at the back of her neck.

"Okay. And I hope that's true because...I haven't asked anything from you in the years we've known one another and what I want to ask is...its rude and immensely presumptious and I don't want you to hate me or..." god she was nervous. But she would beat herself up if her question resulted in a negative outcome like she was expecting. She didn't want their dynamic to shift. Selfish, she felt completely selfish and still like a diva that she didn't want to go to sleep alone if she didn't have to. The posibilities were painful and having this conversation was equally as painful, if not worse, and Rachel Berry was not one to trip over her words! This was frustrating and unreal. Of course it was unreal. When did she ever think she would be laying in a bed with Quinn?

"Rachel," she said in that beautiful tone that made the smaller girl take a minute to breathe in and out consciously. Lucy wanted to joke that she wasn't getting any younger but knew that would have distracted her bedmate who was often blunt and had a rather impressive vocabulary for someone their age. It crossed her mind that if Rachel's hand wasn't playing with her hair..._when did that occur? Whatever._ She thought the smaller girl would be ringing her hands together or twisting at her clothes like she tended to do during glee; her small give away that she was nervous when the rest of her was composed and professional when they were only in their teens. _Jesus, Rachel Berry has layers_.

Quinn noticed Rachel swallow, close her eyes as though she were saying a prayer and open them with renewed strength. It was like seeing the singer who had the power to control a room by giving a song to an audience with everything she had in her. On some level Quinn tried to ready herself, feeling as though this was on the same level as hearing the girl sing; something that had the ability to throw everyone off when notes were projected from a tiny figure. But how would you? It would be in vain to try to stop the inevitable-Quinn knew you couldn't prepare for Rachel.

"Can you kiss me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Hopefully this story isn't predictable or out of character. Please note it if it is. Thanks for reading. I have one person in mind who is certain to get pushed towards Death's doorway, but free speech-so mention if you want anyone to bite the dust, kick the bucket, sleep six feet under...etc, etc. I've recieved various alerts for this but not as many reviews and feedback is appreciated. Thank you to ShadowCub for suggesting a tank. With working through the dialog and trying to make longer chapters I forget obvious details that should be put in.

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><p>Can you kiss me?<br>CAN you kiss me?  
>Can YOU kiss me?<br>Can you KISS me?  
>Can you kiss ME?<p>

The syntax was tripping Quinn mentally. She was fixating on it and it became engrained in her head, like a nail that couldn't be pried loose from a board. Silence was the painful side effect from one question. She knew on an intrinsic level that Rachel was fully aware of how she posed the question. Rachel hadn't said Quinn, can you kiss me, nor, did the blonde know that she had said Lucy, can you kiss me? It was can you. Her hearing was perfect and she couldn't have been mistaken in the dense silence of her bedroom.

It was a plea and the underlying message that the ex cheerleader heard was-do you have the capability to? If she would, and the question allowed the archer a position of control, the choice. Rachel thought she was being beyond rude but Quinn believed Rachel was incredibly considerate in that moment. Never had anyone asked if she could kiss them. Even when a guy asked can I kiss you the focus seemed to be about them. It might have been as simple as the placement of pronouns...how the I was before you and set a sort of platform, but Quinn had never been asked that question and it hit her that someone should have. The question, so innocent and honest set off a dominos effect of cerebral stream of conscious thoughts to the blonde who still remained quiet to Rachel's dismay. But it was bizarrely fitting it was Rachel who asked.

The girl with the endless ability to forgive who told her she was pretty more than any of her boyfriends who asked the whispered question with sweet trepidation. Hazel eyes watched the smaller girl create distance between them and push away from her. The bed literally groaned at the movement and Quinn wished she could look at an alarm clock and see how much time had passed. _No...no... _

"Come back here,'' she said so gently that Rachel did a double take and lifted her brown eyes to meet the blonde's. Those exact words had once been said to her in a command and impatience when they had spied on Vocal Adrenaline but now it was soothing and like a verbal caress while Lucy's arm wrapped around her waist again and smoothly pulled her closer so their forearms were touching. It was Lucy. This side of Quinn was like the ideal boyfriend. Still quiet as Quinn tended to be but supportive, a listener, someone who was less reserved. Rachel drew in a sharp breath at the realization. "I need to know if this is going to be a regular thing that happens..." Lucy tried to sound clinical but there was still a slight waver in her voice. If Rachel didn't have perfect pitch she swore she would have missed it. It was like Quinn was right under the surface, trying to coach Lucy on how to be composed and shield herself from anything that was too emotional and too raw.

"I don't know," the brunette admitted and hated to confess that. She knew a lot of things. In their class she was going to be valedictorian or salutatorian and she had a range of talents, not just singing, but when the plague swept through Lima every goal and dream was put on hold. There were now an insurmountable amount of things she didn't know and this was another of them that were unsteady, frustrating, heart attack enducing and flat out terrifying. The not knowing was horrible and she wanted to scream and protest the expression that ignorance was bliss was a blatant lie!

"That's fair." Lucy said and let out her own breath after seeing Rachel relax a little. "If...I do this... you can't take whenever you sleep here...you have to ask," Lucy said with long pauses but refused to say that she would not be used. Then again Rachel was smart and she was certain the brunette was intuitive enough to understand.

"Okay..." Rachel said and wanted to say more but only nodded her head, letting the words and restrictions sink in while she considered that the her ex bully hadn't denied the option. They were still laying close together. Closer in fact and if Rachel moved two inches forward she'd be able to press her lips against ones that she somehow knew would be soft, likely addictive and also detrimental because this was still Quinn. A girl that looked the epitome of innocent, sweet and beautiful but could be viscious and incredibly brutal in her claim to power.

"Okay." Lucy whispered that seemed more akin to a ghost of a thought. The brunette wanted to know what okay meant but two seconds later the blonde's lips were barely grazing her own and her mind halted. This was happening. Alright, it was close to happening, it wasn't a real kiss, but Rachel felt the potential behind the hesitancy. It was like a feather was being brushed over her bottom lip as the taller girl felt like an electric blanket. How was she giving off so much heat? Apparently Rachel's mind wasn't broken as she thought it was since the archer had invaded her personal space. An act Rachel had allowed and wondered why they hadn't done this sooner? Because they needed the build up, it had to be slow so she could take it all in, they didn't have the need to rush, the situation made them desperate?

Then her mind crashed and more or less burst into a combustable pile of trash, far too similar to when she had seen a car wrapped in flame on the side of the highway. Lucy's lips were pressing against her more firmly and her bottom lip was taken between the blonde's so slowly that it was a caress. That was the perfect word for it. Lucy was pulling her apart and building her back up and god...she was making her feel something other than fear, worry, exhaustion, and utterly scared beyond belief to the point that she was in shock for weeks and appeared calm. Her own hand came up and tangled in short blonde hair that was out of its small pony tail that it was entraped in throughout the day. It was too much like a puzzle piece when her palm came to hold Lucy's jaw and it fit. She didn't stop the moan that was swallowed by the blonde's delicate mouth. Rachel didn't bother trying to withhold that she enjoyed this, if anything she embraced it and Lucy at the same time as her arm came up and rested on a strong shoulder, pulling the ex cheerleader in more and finally kissed back with intention.

Another soft moan was emmitted into the air but Rachel shivered at how low and pained it seemed. She wanted to ask what was wrong, worry flashed through her, but that sound from Lucy was such a damn turn on that Rachel bit down on the blonde's lip and swept her tongue over it to stop any pain she might have inflicted. When the brunette shivered Lucy pulled her closer and held her waist more securely. She was pretty sure this was beyond kissing. They were making out.

_Jesus Christ we're making out. You're making out with Rachel Berry and she's moaning and she tastes good. Oh my god, did you really think that? But she does and she feels good. She's not all muscle and she smells good._..

The hand tangled in her hair. Light pulls at the strands while Rachel ran her tongue over a now swollen bottom lip, that the blonde wasn't fully aware of made Lucy graze her nails under Rachel's t-shirt and into her lower back. Again. She wanted that again and was so close to voicing it...if her lips weren't occupied but this seemed fast and they weren't those kind of girls even though Rachel had once called Quinn a harlot. Maybe she felt guilty at that and it was partially her reason for pushing Lucy back. A small hand gently pressing into a pale shoulder.

"Wait...wait..."

"What?" Lucy asked with a tone that said what did I do? Did I do something wrong? Again Rachel was struck at how unlike Quinn...Lucy was. It was confusing how vastly different they seemed and the brunette's mind had to play catch up. It was sweet, if not self-depricating that Lucy thought she was at fault here was Rachel felt on a fundemental level that she needed to know if she was pressuring her. The often stoic girl had been the grin and tolerate it type while she silently sat and read in the back row of glee.

"It...I...we..." Rachel let out a huff. Beyond frustrated that she was falling over her words. There had to be lyrics that could suit this moment and it was very unlike her to be this uneloquent. She watched as hazel eyes became playful and a smirk adhorned her lips when the brunette looked down. "I don't want you to feel pressured. I mean...I want you to kiss me. I want to kiss you." She wanted to groan. For weeks she had felt like an adult but this was a reminder that she was an awkward teenager who was having her first experience with the fairer sex. And really Lucy seemed so delicate until a strong arm wrapped around her waist again.

"I said okay," Lucy said quietly without any edge, accompanied by a lopsided grin and Rachel thought it was incredibly cute. Since when was Quinn ever cute? She was beautiful in an ice queen way but...right...this was Lucy and this was a new level even though the blonde still had her Quinn tone when her statement was said with ease and absolution; that it was the end of the discussion.

The bed dipped and Rachel watched as Lucy moved forward again and breezed her lips across her own. That caress was back and stronger. Was that even possible? Maybe this was why the guys were enamored with Quinn. Again a slue of thoughts crossed the brunette's mind and she wanted to be certain that Quinn wanted this, that Lucy wasn't just giving in and offering something to make her feel better.

"But..." she mumbled against the blonde's very soft lips.

"God you're ridiculous." Lucy said quietly but it was clear she was becoming annoyed. Rachel was sure Quinn would have left already. But left where? And she needed to stop viewing them as two seperate people. They were the same entity and...she shook her head and tried to stop psychoanalysing. Why was she complicating this? They could be friends with benefits...if they were even friends...but they could try. And so Rachel made a decision and stuck with it and drove head on like always did. She moved forward, her hand coming up to play with blonde hair again and brought their lips together.

"A ridiculously good kisser," she said lightly, trying to bring some humor to the growing tension with the hope that she could manipulate t.

"Mmm," Lucy hummed against Rachel's lips rather than admit to the shorter girl that this felt good, that she was indeed a very good kisser._ Would she have to put that on her resume for broadway? _Quinn was amused though and smiled into the kiss. It seemed wonderful that behind closed doors she got to see this playfully arrogant Rachel. This moment was hers. A charming side to the brunette that Rachel didn't share with anyone else. Somehow that was reassuring and made Quinn feel better about this bizarre situation where never in a million years would she kiss...for an extended period of time Rachel "man hands" Berry who really didn't have masculine hands at all. As they massaged her scalp and left her head tingling she moaned into Rachel's mouth again, feeling safe in knowing the brunette would consume any sounds she made.

"I like your short hair." Rachel admitted in her constant whisper, almost out of breath and Lucy smirked, feeling a sense of pride that she did that to the girl who always mentioned her rigorous work out routine.

Quinn didn't reply. With Rachel everything was raw and she wanted to run screaming, but the calm part of her that felt small hands practically massaging her shoulders thought this was something beautiful. She didn't reply but chose to press her lips more firmly against Rachel's very soft ones. Sam was a great kisser, it helped that he used a lot of chapstick, but Rachel's she wasn't ready for. And why would she be? She'd never thought of kissing Rachel Berry before...okay, she knew that was a lie. In the few days when Rachel slept next to her the girl wore little makeup and appeared bashful everytime she slipped into bed. A blush would appear Quinn admitted,she thought...dare she say it...Rachel looked cute. She wasn't an idiot. It was common knowledge Rachel could be attractive. Over the years the tiny girl had managed to date her exes and even though Santana was verbally abusive, the blonde noticed her staring at Rachel and overheard Brittany nonchalantly mentioning they should invite Rachel into a threesome.

"I like that you don't wear your inappropriately short skirts." Lucy said in a teasing tone and Rachel's eyes widened at how Quinn was joking with her.

"I rather miss them." The brunette said in a whistfull tone. It was easier to dance and skip in them, but she hadn't done that for weeks. "You're one to talk. Those Cheerios skirts were designed by a pervert at best." She finished with a frown but really wanted to see how the ex captain would react. An eyeroll followed after but she gave Rachel a very brief kiss on the cheek then set her head on her pillow for what seemed to be a long conversation.

"They were part of the outfit. I...hated them but Coach Sylvester made them mandatory." She tried to rationalize. "They looked fine on Brittany and Santana but...ugh...my butt is big and makes them look even shorter," she ended with annoyance. It was surprising to feel Rachel's fingers resume their threading and light pulling as the brunette's face came closer and kissed her on the cheek, but for a longer, linger period than she had just done.

"This is perplexing. For various reasons. You're the prettiest girl I've met and you have a great figure. I wish you'd see that. Obviously being a cheerleader doesn't matter now but...I prefered you out of the uniform. You seemed more comfortable in your own clothes and yes, they looked nice on Brittany and Santana, but you never looked bad in it either. I almost miss them if they didn't cause slight panic attacks at that certain shade of red and connection to slushies." Rachel said with such sincerity and honesty that Quinn was glad the darkness served as a cover, a convenient mask. It was malicious what she had done to this girl for so long. Yet-was this why Puck and Finn had been interested in Rachel? Because she was unbelievably talented at delivering a compliment? Who wouldn't want to date someone who built you up and saw something better in you? Quinn wanted to compliment Rachel but didn't want it to seem cheap as though she were offering one on account of one being given. Girls did that and it often came off as incredibly fake. That's not what whatever this was.

Instead she inched forward and ran her nose along Rachel's giving her version of an eskimo kiss making Rachel laugh. Who the hell knew Quinn could be endearing? Rachel wondered this as the girl kept lightly touching her features while her hand pressed into her back.

"What else do you miss, besides Barbara Streisand?" she asked as she breathed in the same air as the brunette but maintained that light joking tone.

"Music as a whole...dancing...even though I'm not as wonderful as Brittany or as graceful as you...and" hazel eyes widened, unaware that the glee captain watched her dance. "baking...but really I miss having songs available at the click of a button." She said longingly and sighed when she felt a hand smooth over har back in trails.

"You should sing." The blonde admitted after she bit her own lip. It needed to be said though. Rachel was composed of lyrics. Her mind had to be a library of songs that could fit every minute and Quinn could bet Rachel woke up with music in her head.

"No, I don't want to." The saddened reply came. That was the most depressing thing the taller girl had heard since the plague.

"Are you sick?" She tried to joke but fell flat. Sometimes humor wouldn't always work and she felt like she was coming up short.

"If I was...I wouldn't do this..." the smaller girl said with a lowered voice and moved closer to the blonde. Her lips met hers and although Quinn knew the ex-singer was avoiding the discussion she was too distracted to press the issue. Rachel was very talented and took her time kissing. It was like an artform with her as though it were being commited to memory. When Rachel pressed further into Lucy and moved so her head was resting on the same pillow the blonde thought this seemed very domestic. Kissing Rachel...it was like they had kissed each other before and were comfortable with it. It seemed routine and normal. That was what threw Quinn the most; how good, freeing and natural this felt. She knew Rachel was feeling calmer since her back was less tense and when she moaned a shiver ran down the blonde's spin. A sense of contentment and elation that she produced that. She didn't even mind that she wasn't on top of Rachel controlling every second. It felt good that they were both on their sides, equalls in their positions and not pushing for more. This is how Quinn wanted to be kissed and it was thrilling. She didn't know her hand was moving, grazing from Rachel's back to her hip, up her side to her neck until she was holding the smaller girl's face. Her thumb was rubbing back and forth across Rachel's cheekbone when she felt a wave of exhaustion hit her.

It could have been the amount of thoughts that bombarded her, their conversation, the fact that she gave into Rachel's request or that she wasn't familiar with feeling this much so soon, but she pulled away and opened her eyes to see questioning brown eyes stare back at her.

"I'm tired," she admitted and felt that she was saying its not you, its me. Rachel gave the smallest smile and relaxed into the bed more as she removed her hand from the girl's jaw back to her hip. Leaning in again the archer kissed Rachel's nose and placed her head back on her pillow.

"Goodnight," the brunette said in her quiet, sing-song voice. Quinn thought that was the closet she'd been to hearing Rachel sing.

An annoying and massively loud noise woke them. Quinn groaned and squinted her eyes open. It sounded like metal was clinking together and it disrupted the often dead silence. Looking down she saw Rachel frown in her sleep. The brunette was almost pressed into her chest, forhead resting near her collar bone and Quinn tried to smooth the deep lines away.

_Don't wake up. Do not wake up. _It was like a silent prayer, although she had stopped praying. Slowly she got out of bed and trekked downstairs after grabbing a sweater from the closet. Grabbing her bow and arrows that leaned against the doorframe she gently shut the door but almost groaned at how ludacris it was to worry about a door slamming when something was grating outside.

"What the hell." She whispered harshly when she reached the front door and stood outside. Everyone seemed to be stricken with hypophonia. Even when they didn't have to whisper it was the standard. Unless they were yelling at one another as a means to not be hurt or of equal importance. The noise had stopped twenty-ish seconds ago and out in the front yard half of Puck's body was seen from the top of a tank.

"Badass," she heard Sam say next to her, followed by a yawn as she scratched his shoulder.

"Does he need a license for that?" Brittany said with a tilt to her head and Quinn saw Santana stand next to her and slip her pinky into the blonde's.

"No B, you can take anything you want now."

"Can we go get a hoola hoop?" Brittany asked with excitement and Quinn watched, amused, but got to thinking that they could now have anything they wanted. If she wanted to get a rolex she could, if she wanted to steal a bank she could. But those were things she didn't need. Really-money and things that showed off status were useless. However she could think of other things she could use that seemed of life or death importance; even if it was still materialistic.

"Britt, can I borrow your four wheeler?" Quinn posed, even though they weren't exactly Brittany's, but they seemed to be since the taller blonde took care of them and made sure they worked a hundred percent.

"Of course, Q. Are you going to take Rachel for a ride? I bet she'd like it, she needs to have some fun," she said naturally. "I want to have fun. San, can we go get a hoola hoop now?" She said turning her attention back to her girlfriend. The ex Cheerios captain wanted to shake her head. It was rather adorable how Santana was clearly debating it since the still sleepy and mentally jumpy blonde went from one person to the next. Quinn turned away and went back into the house, but heard Santana say they would go as soon as they took a shower.

Back upstairs Quinn grabbed some clothes as quietly as she could while Rachel amazingly slept. The girl had to be in a deep sleep if she hadn't heard or chose to ignore the sound from Puck's new toy. When she walked into the large closet and shut the door she changed quickly. The black jeans and grey v-neck tshirt that fit her well was somewhat see through. Her black bra was barely visible but she didn't care anymore. She had learned not to care about her appearence as much now that her parents were...where ever they were...

Grabbing a towel she rolled it up the long way and shut her door. Bending down she pushed the towel against the crack and reached for her weapons again.

"Where are you going?" Santana said with a raised eyebrow.

"Store. Grocery shopping," the blonde said and almost smirked at how normal that sounded. As thought she were going on a simple errand where she'd have to hop in her car, listen to some music, wander the aisles with a cart and place whatever items in the basket where an apathetic cashier would bag them. She didn't mention to the Latina that she was going to stop by what they used to call The Mansion. That would lead to more questions of-so you're going to see if your evil parents are alive? It'd be typical if they survived. I mean they probably sold their souls to the devil himself because they knew this shit would happen. Quinn could practically hear the girl say these things but watched the girl only narrow her brown eyes.

"Be safe, come back without a scratch on your pretty little head, Blondie. '' the girl said with her slightly maniacal smirk and walked away to what Quinn assumed the shower with a certain Brittany S. Pierce inside. It was the closest Santana got to fully saying the words-I care about you. And when Quinn went back downstairs and looked at the flat land that allowed them to see any dangers she breathed deep. Willing the energy and emotional strength to do this.

The fourwheeler was loud but fast. Not that the U.D's were faster than healthy humans, but no one wanted to be snuck up on. Situating her bow and arrows securely she made her way to town, avoiding any Instinctuals and enjoying the breeze. Fresh air felt amazing and her lungs craved it. When she parked in front of her house she felt all the air leave her lungs, like a punch to the gut or like when she was dropped from the top of the pyramid and she had to ignore the sharp pain when Sue Sylvester barked out-Again!

Standing next to the machine that was no longer rumbling as she stared at her desolate house was like looking at another life. How had she lived there for years under a roof that provided shelter but was devoid of love? Why had she felt that being kicked out was the end all be all at the time? What made her say daddy with such desperation when she couldn't remember the last time he showed any consideration to her wellbeing?

There were too many thoughts and she didn't notice the bulky figure coming from her right side until hands were around her throat.

"You criminal, get out of here! All you people do is try to steal from us! I won't have you coming in our house, taking what's ours!" Russel Fabray yelled in a craze. All rationality was gone. Quinn heard the sheer terror and fear that made this man, once her father, enraged and act out in violence, but it still took her a solid three seconds to react even as Judy Fabray screamed for him to stop, that's Quinnie.

The grip loosened and she was surprised he dropped his arms but seemed stiff. His hands were horizontal and he looked so much like a horror movie zombie that Quinn took a step back. She wanted to cough from the abrupt soreness and dryness that hit her throat but wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Instead she swallowed what little saliva she had and stepped further back from him. He should have recognized her. She felt offended that he didn't. Her hair was down, it was still blonde, but becoming a shade darker, and sure, she wasn't wearing her usual dresses but she should have been recognized. As they stood, shoulders square to one another, eyes narrowed and judging, Quinn was the first to break eye contact. She had better things to do than have a staring contest with this stranger. Smoothly she walked to the front door and ignored her father.

"Quinnie..." her mother said as though she were looking at a ghost. The girl looked the woman over. She seemed disheveled, overwhelmed and scared. That look of fear seemed permanent and Quinn wanted to ask if her mother would come with her but it would be pointless. She wouldn't leave her husband who had clearly come back for her. It might have been romantic if Quinn didn't think it was a little pathetic. Russel Fabray being back at the house was the last thing she expected.

"I'm just getting a few things..." she said in a bland tone. Pleasantries would be time consuming and flat. It might have been a relief to Judy that Quinn was alive, but the woman was still in shock and didn't make a move to embrace her daughter.

"Are you okay?" The woman asked with a shakey voice and the blonde knew how absurd it was. Her father just tried to strangle her, she was walking into a house that felt cold and she was ready to have a heart attack every other day because her friends were going on errands and there was always that overbearing fear that someone may not return. Oh and she was spending her nights laying in bed with a girl that she had just started to kiss less than twelve house ago. She paused on the stairs and tilted her head but didn't bother to look over her shoulder.

"I'm fine." And then she ascended to her bedroom. Scanning her personal space felt odd. This was like a five star hotel compared to her room at the lakehouse but she prefered her new one. Possibly because it didn't have Jesus hanging on the wall...

Shaking her head she crossed the room to her desk and pulled our a drawer. Palming her ipod that had the headphones wrapped around it she closed the drawer, rather than make the room look like it was ransacked. A drawer being open would look out of place and for some reason she didn't want her parents to think she was a slob. Would she always seek their approval? At this point what did it matter? She groaned as she cracked her neck and refused to look in the mirror to see the reflection of bruises forming.

Walking to her closet she took some sweaters, her Cheeriors shoes, a scarf, and a few things she really liked. It didn't take more than three minutes and she was back downstairs, leaving through the front door, only at this moment a timer wasn't counting down how long she could stay. Her own internal clock and desire to leave was telling her to exit with her head held high.

"Quinn..." Judy tried again and the blonde wished she would call her Lucy. Russel was the one who suggested they call her Quinn after she had lost the weight and began her transformation. But did she become a butterfly or a death moth? Then again the girl always knew Russel had wanted a boy so it was fitting to be called Quinn from then on.

"Goodbye." Quinn said gently and wanted to hug the woman but was glad her hands were full. "Goodluck," she added with a miniscule amount of hope offered. If she could provide her mother with anything she wanted it to be that. That she wished her well.

The items were deposited in the backback that was duct tapped onto the front of the fourwheeler. It wasn't used only for bait purposes, everyone took it to go on searches and errands, but when a breeze picked up she didn't bother to put the scarf in. The light pink, almost white material was slipped around her neck, effectively covering the bruises. Not that it was her intention, but it kept her warm. The damn t-shirt was too thin. She should have put the sweater on but she wanted to get the hell away from these people. Russel was in her peripheral vision and kept away from her. Silent and somehow menacing at the same time. She didn't look back or take a fleeting glace over her shoulder then back to the lake house that felt more like a home than temporary housing.

It wasn't as freeing on the dirtbike on the ride back. Her...parents were upsetting. She didn't expect them to be alive, let alone both of them but she tried to shut off any emotions connected to them and focused on giving something to Rachel. It was lame, to give her a present...well, not really a present, but Quinn felt like it would be taken as such. It wasn't in her nature to be giving and considerate of the tiny diva, but she felt good doing it. She hoped Rachel wouldn't read too much into it or cry. Rachel needed music like she needed books. Its why her room was steadily accumulating novels and makeshift bookshelves.

Her hands turned the handle and made the four wheeler slow when she came across a GMC. She hated these places and could have sworn that Sue Sylvester had stocks invested in the company considering how many protein shakes the woman consumed. Cutting off the bike she parked on the side of the deserted building and went in. A bell didn't sound, but a chime followed when the delapitated door closed. The tiny shards of glass that looked like diamonds crunched under her shoes and she heard a groan from behind her. Pivoting and taking her bow and an arrow out she lined the shot and hit the man through the eye. The stench that came with the U.D's was disgusting. The stale air in the store carried the scent directly to her nostrils and she wanted to gag. This one had been turned for a while. The newer ones didn't smell of decay and rotting meat. Her stomach flipped. Maybe Rachel was onto something being vegan...but then she considered how thin Rachel had become and looked at the products lining the walls. Quickly and not much caring how much noise she made she greadily took vitamins and suppliments. Her arms were full by the time she get back to the street and the small vehicle. The sound of the zipper cut through the air and she heard another groan to her left. In haste she dumped the bottles in and swung her bow up, arrow sliding into place and released it into an Instinctual's chest. It lodged in and the barely recognizable woman went down, knee twisting and head slamming into the pavement in the process.

_Time to go. _She thought as she straddled the four wheeler again and officially headed back to base.

Breaking speed limits wasn't a crime anymore and she almost grinned at the thought that Puck would be a hundred and fifty percent supportive. When she got back to the house she slowed down in case Rachel was awake and saw her. No one wanted a scolding from Rachel. They were similar to her long winded speeches in glee club and no one had the patience for them though they all knew she cared. Quinn had never been lectured but she didn't want to push it. The off road vehicle was parked in its normal spot and she swung a leg off to the ground. There were too many things in the backpack so she knew she'd have to make two trips. She held the bottles to her chest and went inside. Mostly everyone was sitting in the livingroom playing poker and looked up to see her. It was a relief to see they all had their clothes on and weren't doing strip poker.

" 'Bout time you got back girl. I want to make some bets on your exfoliant cause I'm not about to try another trip anytime soon." Mercedes said with a smile.

"Q, I wants your black jacket that you had on two days ago so pull up a chair." Santana added with a smirk.

"Maybe later," she said moving a strand of hair out of her eye with her index finger. "Listen, everyone is going to take vitamins. And no one is going to argue with me at the trouble it cost to get them."

"Good idea, Q. I totally want lazer vision so I'm all for it." Brittany said with her usual beeming smile. Tina looked confused and Mike sat stiffly, shaking his head at his cards after the blonde's reply. Quinn set them on the table and went back outside, not bothering to hear anymore comments or possible protests as she gathered the rest of the remainder of her previous life. Ah, the luxeries that came with society before the plague. She bet all the guys were missing their xboxs, games and whatnot. She always tuned out when they talked about call of...whatever.

Everyone watched her as she walked up the stairs. She felt their eyes on her but no one commented. She had that pace where she was on a mission and everyone that was present knew not to interrupt when she was like a horse with blinders on. Thankfully the scarf was on or she wouldn't have been able to make it past them.

With a knock on her own door, which felt silly she peeked her head in. That was even more obscure because what was Rachel going to be doing in her bedroom except for sleep? All the girl's clothes were in her own room so it wasn't as though she was going to catch her in the middle of changing. The brunette was still asleep, something that was ranking one of the top ten bizarre things happening this year. It was getting close to half past ten. Kicking off her shoes and removing her arrow sling from her shoulder she rolled them to loosen the muscles. She looked over Rachel again and saw a book tucked near her body. Further inspection showed When She Woke was open and a few chapters had been read...if Rachel had gotten that far. Quinn smirked at the idea of the girl trying to read but falling asleep. The scarf was removed and draped over the chair. Her room didn't have a breeze. The window was often closed because Rachel was always cold.

Slowly she crawled into bed. The movement made her feel like a cat as her back cracked and she stretched. She was back to an incredibly level of exhaustion when her entire body met the mattress but she fumbled with the ipod, knowing it would be fully changed and set the volume to maximum. Scrolling through the songs she tried to find something she would want to wake up to. Unfortunately she knew she didn't have any Barbara Streisand-that would be too perfect and she and Rachel would never be perfect since perfect just wasn't possible. But the gentle strum of a guitar and a soft voice was better than nothing and she wanted that to be the thing to draw Rachel out of sleep. The song started and the music floated around the room, between them and washed over their senses.

"Oh naive, little me. Asking what things you have seen. And you're vulnerable in your head..."

Brown eyes blinked and quickly became focused as Laura Marling continued. Rachel looked stunned and like she needed someone to pinch her.

"Hi," Lucy said with a small smile that came off bashful to the stunned girl.

"You have music." The almost fully awake girl said with excitement and joy in her eyes.

"Its those powers of observation that have allowed you to make it this far," the blonde said with a smirk and lifted her head only to set her chin back down into her palm so she was looking down at Rachel.

"Oh you think you're clever," Rachel rebutted with narrowed eyes and pushed the taller girl back over by pressing into her shoulder and was now looking down into hazel eyes.

The song still played, folky and telling with pure emotion but both girls marvelled at their positions and situation. Quinn thought Rachel was very fast to change their positions and Rachel thought it was amazingly out of character for Quinn to get her a working ipod.

"I am," the blonde said with a smirk. Not bothered that Rachel was looking down on her and half on top of her.

"You're something," was the quick and playful reply. Rachel felt like rewarding the girl for what she did, knowing it must have come at a risk. She leaned into the blonde and brought her lips an inch from her ear, feeling that it needed to be whispered even though light was coming through the window and everyone was awake. "Can I kiss you?"

It was a question Quinn didn't expect, but she liked that it was asked. Essentially it was the same question from hours ago but with slight variation and Quinn wondered if this would be a regular thing, like how Rachel warned people she was going to hug them. The blonde thought their tiny leader would become emotional, not witty and...charming, but she felt herself nod and wrap an arm around the girl's lower back. Rachel lifted her head and looked into hazel eyes then dropped her gaze to her mouth and Quinn held her breath because this was somehow different in the light of day and she was going to kiss Rachel again...

Rachel moved her focus down lower to the strong jaw and then what she knew to be a lean and graceful neck but saw black and blue forming and marring the skin.

The tension in the smaller girl's body was instant and Quinn frowned, feeling it as her hand pressed into the muscular, but soft back.

"What the hell happened?" Rachel said with barely concealed anger that someone was hurt, that Quinn had been damaged in any way, and that she wasn't there to stop it. It was visceral and she wasn't able to reign in her worried tone that was laced in.

The blonde blinked then swallowed and finally felt how her throat ached. It wasn't until now. Quinn liked Rachel's questions...except this one.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: The story is coming along, this seems like a slow build up I'm sure, but it gets better and the point is to be realistic in the sense that they don't just hop into bed with one another and become a couple. Enjoy and please review if you have the time.

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><p><em>Be honest. Lying to her would be offensive. She's not an idiot and you can't say oh, I tripped and fell into a rope and just happened to wrap itself around my neck.<em>

She settled on "I can't tell you right now."

"But.."

"No, don't push this. I need to process it and if you make me talk about it now I'm going to leave." She said calmly. Though it was delivered in a gentle way the threat hung in the atmosphere and Rachel stilled her hand. Her thumb had been grazing the side of Quinn's torso where she hoped more bruises weren't hiding. It felt natural to be with Quinn like this, but she frowned at how evasive the blonde was.

"Quinn...running or walking away isn't going to solve anything," she said in an equally calm manner.

"I know that, but Rachel, let me...digest it and we'll see," was said with anger that dissipated to an almost asking and promising tone. She didn't have anything else to offer the girl who was trying to reach out anyway she could. An incredibly slow minute passed with Rachel looking over the blonde. Again Quinn felt inspected but the smaller girl never did it in a rude way. It was always as though she were trying to take her in.

"Can I touch you?" Rachel asked and looked so embarrased that Quinn thought the girl was about to die on the spot. "I mean...your neck...does it hurt? Can I..." she trailed off, not wanting to ask again. This was already to a level of awkward she hadn't experienced in her life before and she didn't want to revisit it.

Quinn gave the briefest of nods and felt Rachel barely touch her skin. Her fingertips were like a physical whisper. It lasted a minute with lingering warmth that Quinn could have mistaken for seconds. It was too quick and she wanted to say don't stop but she would never allow herself to get the thought to come out. She felt Rachel shift closer and her head dip lower until her lips were repeating what her fingertips were doing, only better.

_Oh my god. _Quinn thought and was about to moan but it died in her throat when she felt water on her neck. Soft crying followed in a strangled throat and Rachel stopped kissing the bruised skin to bite her lip.

"Hey, its okay." The blonde tried to reassure her and was appauled how it made her cry more. _Son of a...I'm not good at this_. Maybe it was because she had permanently retired people after they became U.D's or maybe because she thought she was hard inside, but she didn't know how to stop Rachel from crying. "Shhh. I'm okay, its okay," she reassured the smaller girl and rubbed circles into her back. Rachel only cried harder and bite her lip more intensely to try to stop the sensation of tears even if they felt therapeutic. It was dismaying that she was being comforted when Quinn, beautiful Quinn was trying to console her. It made her feel horrible and awful. She buried her head into the girl's body at the curve of her shoulder and neck. Her arm firmly held the blonde's side and held her, needing to know Quinn was solid.

"No more errands for you," Rachel said after a chisled intake of air. Quinn practically say the shift in the brunette to "leader role" and rolled her eyes. Didn't she think an hour ago that she was lucky to have avoided a Rachel Berry lecture after all this time? "You went out alone, I assume, and someone should have been there to help you; serve as a backup...and...and you can't go on trips whenever you want. They have to be planned. Impulsive decisions tend to result in people getting hurt or worse and..."

"Rachel, so help me," Quinn said cutting her off with command.

"But..." brown eyes looked down on her, cutting the blonde off as well. Her gaze was honed in-searching for her to understand.

"No, I LET you carry on longer than I should have. Your lectures made you feel good, but live in reality. I can't stay in this house all day." And she stopped herself from proclaiming her thought that she wasn't anyone's wife. She would NEVER be like Judy Fabray. "And it won't happen again so drop it." She leaned up and kissed Rachel's nose and like a switch she flipped to Lucy and said with a lower, softer voice, "Please drop it."

"How did you get a working ipod?" Rachel asked with a strange twinkle in her eyes. At least the blonde found it strange since she hadn't seen much of life in those brown eyes or sheer excitment in a while. Neither girls were obtuse to seeing the shift in conversation and the taller girl appreciated the direction.

"It was already charged, but when it gets low I can go to the gym and charge it." She said calmly while Rachel kept running her hand up and down her side. If Quinn was more sensative she thought it would feel like a tickle.

"Oh. You can hook it up and...I never thought of that." Rachel said, baffled that it hadn't crossed her mind. Then again she was occipued. The blonde kept talking, to Rachel's surprise and enjoyed the distraction.

"We had to stay at the gym for two hours. Coach made us and so I know that a half hour on the elliptical charges it. You likely wont like most of my songs so its probably a waste." She finished with a shrug.

The brunette wanted to say it was the most thoughtful, meaningful gift she'd recieved in years from someone that wasn't family. The words lodged in her throat. This was too surreal. Quinn being sweet and kind that she almost wanted someone to pour water on her head. It wasn't a conscious thought. One second she was looking into hazel eyes that had more green in them today and the next she was pressing her lips against a pale cheek and migrated her lips to the girl's lips.

Everytime Quinn was shocked by it. Rachel jumped to an unknown spot when Quinn expected her to leap from one concrete pleace to the next. It was unlike Rachel, who was often overly polite to not say thank you. The blonde made a note that the former glee captain wasn't predictable except in her cutthroat climb to the top, but now that college and broadway were put on hold she was more unpredictable. She wasn't even sure why, but it always took her a moment to realize Rachel was kissing her.

It was never sloppy or too controlled, yet every kiss seemed to say something different. This one said I appreciate what you did and the blonde kissed back, taking Rachel's bottom lip between hers and lightly bit down just to see if the she could make the girl moan. It was wonderful that she could, she that had that capability to play this girl like an instrument. Quinn wondered if this would be her favorite activity besides solo target practice. Hands had a mind of their own as she held onto Rachel's hip and pulled her closer. Her fingertips were very close to pressing into the girl's backside but didn't want to push for anything more. She abruptly stopped when bony hips pressed into her lower stomach and nearly yelped at how sharp they felt.

"Okay, I have to go," she said clinically, not wanting to offend the smaller girl.

"Oh you have a prior engagement?" Rachel said with a smirk but the blonde could see the wheels turning in her head-the apprehension there.

"Promised Puck I would go for a run with him," she lied naturally. She lied for years. Maybe she could find a job in the CIA if the branch still existed. Also-she was used to lying to herself, it would be easy to lie to others as well.

"You'll be safe," the brunette asked as she tugged on the short blonde-ish hair.

"I'll try," Lucy offered, voice dipping low and she wanted to run her nose along Rachel's and feel light intimacy but quelled that desire. She slowly got out of bed, looking over the very small girl and bit the inside of her cheek.

"Lucy..." the smaller girl trailed off-wanting to say she could come with her, but knew that Quinn needed some solitude. The blonde was putting up with her and they had spent more time together at night than they had collectively with other people during forced interactions like school and glee. Jesus something tore up inside of Quinn wherever Rachel said her birth given name.

"Stay in and sleep or read, but take a day off." She said gently but held a command at the end. The brunette almost saulted to the girl but thought better of it. A smirk settled across her lips instead and Quinn didn't stop her eyes from drifting down considering she was still a foot away from Rachel and hovering over her.

The action was so quick and smooth that the ex cheerleader had to press her hand into the bed to not fall over from the loss of balance. An index finger was hooked into her v-neck and she found her lips pressing against Rachel's.

"Bye," she said with an incredibly small, devilish grin, making the former celibacy club president question why didn't her church warn her about cute, brunette singers who kissed like they could smooth over every problem and breathe a protective seal over you? Pulling back and standing fully upright again she grabbed her scarf and lopped it back over her head. Looking back over she saw the tan girl put the headphones in and picked up the ipod.

Again she gently shut her door and practically ran into Brittany in the hallway who gave a chesire cat grin. "Q, guess what."

"Um...what B?" Quinn asked with amusement, first that Brittany could be so upbeat and two that she still hadn't lost her sweetness.

"I think you and Rachel would look really cute if you were like flowers and came out of the ground so everyone could see." A brief nod was given after her statement. Hazel eyes enlarged slightly and she felt a wave of nervousness hit her. "Oh Quinn, I wouldn't tell anyone. Sometimes its nice just to have something of your own." She said with a tilt of her head to her side.

"Thanks Britt...I have to go," the smaller blonde offered as an escape and hurried down the stairs, wanting fresh air. Brittany would never say anything, but it was bizarre to have something stated to her without judgement. Her church...not that it was her church anymore...she knew they would condemn her if they knew she kissed someone of the same gender, her father...oh no. Quinn stopped her thoughts there and was almost glad when Puck lifted his chin in a "hey" then shouldered a black bookbag.

"What's up vitamin nazi?" He asked with a smirk.

"We have to go on a small mission," she said militantly and grabbed an empty backpack that were in a pile by the door.

"Finally an alcohol run!" He exclaimed with his fists raised to waist level, his muscles bulging at the moment. The blonde thought it was strange how Puck still managed to be rather buff and Rachel was becoming too thin.

"No. Grocery. Organic, charcoal, a grill..." the list was said in a checklist way.

"Already got the last two baby mama. Why we doin' this?" He asked out of mild curiosity, not like he had anything better to do.

"Rachel," she said, sticking to the brief speech pattern she kept with when she had a plan.

"Food. Good. My Jewish princess needs to eat." He noted with some nods.

"She's not yours," she said with an eyeroll, trying to seem flippant but Puck replied in all seriousness.

"And what-she's yours?" With a raised eyebrow of his own. The archer ignored it and changed the subject. When in doubt-change the topic. Worked for everyone.

"Let's go."

"Yeah, whatever. You might want to combine your rooms. She spends enough time in yours and I want my own." He said calmly, like they were having an everyday, as though they weren't discussing how the nights were spent. But she was glad Puck wasn't being a jerk about it and making his usual comments asking if he could join.

The ride was fast, but the search was tedious as hell. By the second store Puck was growing impatient and he wanted to ask how she was doing but the silence felt like a blanket. "Alright I'm all for getting my Jew...Rachel some meat on her bones but this is like finding a needle in a god damned haystack." He said as he wandered down an aisle, gun pointed at the floor since there weren't any Instinctuals inside.

"Keep looking," Quinn said stubbornly and narrowed her eyes at the items. That wouldn't do, that had something in it Rachel wouldn't eat, that would make Rachel want to throw up...

"Girl is like the pickiest eater. Didn't being pregnant want to make you eat a ton? Let's get her knocked up!" He said trying to joke but if looked could kill Quinn was directing her eyes at him in a way that made him glad that the Medusa, greek mythology chick wasn't real, cause she had nothin' on Quinn. "Bad joke." He mumbled and looked at the aisle adjacent to her as she picked up a loaf of bread and read the ingredients.

"This is vegan." She said and dropped it in the backpack. "Organic cheese now."

"That's not vegan." Puck said with a frown that he had to point out the obvious.

"Small steps. If its organic and the animals weren't harmed she has to eat it. She can't be so rigid and stick to her laurels at this point." She said growing annoyed she hadn't done this sooner and the tone came out biting.

"Hey, sure," he said with his one hand raised like he was being arrested. "Whatever a laurel is, but how are you going to get her to eat this?"

"I'll think of something," she said, still irritated and Puck noticed her eyes lock onto the shelves and coolers as they made their way through the store. God Quinn could be scary, but she was less...intense whenever Rachel snuck back into her room so he wasn't about to judge. He wasn't about to judge-period because he cared about these people. He felt like he owed a lot to Rachel. Over the years he was a tool, he could admit that and even more of one since he got Quinn pregnant, but Rachel made them live and Quinn protected them whenever she could.

It seemed like a good fit that the unofficial leaders of their group would "hook up" or seek something in one another. Puck refused to think about it too much cause he was still a guy and it would be freaking hot. Those were his thoughts a few days ago, but now he could see them working out, balancing each other and yeah, they were only human. He owed it to them both to not be a typical guy and make with every obscene comment that could be made. When Quinn told him they needed to go for a run he wouldn't say no. If she asked him to do something he'd do it. Simple as that. Done.

"This work?" He stood holding a package of tightly sealed cheese and the blonde smoothly took it from him. He didn't understand how she could always be graceful. What was with that? That's another thing that made sense to him. Quinn being really good with a bow was like perfect...he didn't get how someone so badass in her own way would let a guy like him sleep with her because she thought she was fat.

With narrowed, rapid moving eyes Quinn read everything over and did a double check. "Yeah. Great. Thanks." She said quietly and placed it in her backpack too as she took some vegan butter off the same shelf. Convenience really was a miracle when it happened.

"Don't thank me yet. Still have to make the damn thing and everyone's gonna want some so this is gonna have to be stealth grilling."

"Master chef," she said with a light smiling, offering him a compliment, knowing he would make this work.

"Back to base baby mama," he said with his own smile and walked out the back door with her. In a split second he heard a groan and raised his large gun. A second later the once human was on the ground-face a distortion of bones and dark blood and gooey substances that looked like brain matter.

To Quinn, Puck looked strong, unphased, like he could take on anything. It wasn't the mohawk or outward attitude, it was a vibe he gave that nothing could get to them, that he was impervious and would end anything that was a threat. A soft nod was offered to his as a "good job" expression and she quickly mounted the four wheeler as he got back on his dirt bike. It wasn't a motorcycle like he wanted, but beggers can't be choosers he thought.

They moved the grill over to the side of the shed out back and got to work. Puck moved with intent as he started a contained fire as Quinn got to putting together a large grilled cheese. When Puck dashed into the shed and grabbed bottled water for them and a plate she raised an eyebrow.

"I like to eat and I've got a stash of alcohol in there cause I think Mr. Shue would throw a fit." He shrugged and was pleased to see it almost got Quinn to laugh how their teacher was still trying to maintain some sense of order and law to a barely holding on social structure that was didn't have any. Puck thought it was like they were in a twisted western.

"I'm going to get Rachel." She said with a real smile after she inspected the half finished sandwich. He thought she was lucky to have someone or have something to hold onto. Unless Rachel woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He almost shivered in fear at that. An angry little J.A.P. Zombies would cower if they knew what was good for 'em.

Back upstairs Quinn found a newly showered, and dressed little burnette. The book was open on her bed and more was read but Rachel was sitting indian style listening to music as her elbows rested on her knees and she held her chin in her palm looking contemplative. Rather than startle the girl Quinn took a seat at the end of her bed. The act felt strange to feel like she was intruding on her own room, but Rachel wasn't a guest.

"Come outside with me."

Brown eyes looked up at her and scruntched up eyebrows were the only response Rachel gave. She had heard Quinn, but it was day and they didn't go outside together. They weren't seen as even friends beyond this room. The command was there but she was getting tired of being bossed around by Quinn. They were equals...

The bed shifted and she watched Quinn crawl up. The shirt hung off her and the scarf was close to obscuring her view but Rachel could see down Quinn's front. The black bra against her pale skin was such a beautiful contrast that Rachel bit her lip.

"Please come downstairs. There's something for you." She hovered over the silent singer and allowed herself to run the tip of her nose against Rachel's. Smelling her scene that was just her. After a shower it seemed heightened and Quinn locked it away in her memory how the girl managed to still smell sweet even though she didn't wear perfume anymore. The smaller girl still seemed hesitant until a larger, but graceful hand took hers and held it. Somehow this was more intimate than their kissing. A soft squeeze was given and didn't have an impatient tug attached to it. The blonde seemed to wait and appeared entranced that she was indeed holding Rachel's hand and how they fit together. Visually their skin tones looked great together too and that somehow seemed incredible. After years of tearing this girl down and mocking her looks...they looked great together.

"Is it a pony?" Rachel smirked.

"Oh you nailed it. And gold stars in the saddle." The taller girl replied with an eyeroll as she removed herself from the smaller girl's personal space and gently pulled her out of bed. The tone was playful and Rachel practically swam in the light heartedness of it, that things weren't so serious with Quinn...that the girl made her laugh. And she did. She couldn't hold that in. It bubbled out of her-full bodied and took over the room. "I will name him kitty and he will be mine." Rachel said in such a dorky but quirky way that Quinn had to laugh back. It wasn't in mocking, but Rachel was disturbingly cute sometimes.

Their hands were still connected by dropped when they took a step into the hallway. Both missed the hold but didn't comment as they descended the stairs. The air outside was chilled but comfortable, but Rachel wrapped her arms around herself from the breeze. Following Quinn and admiring her figure Rachel almost ran into the girl. When had she become a teenage boy? Quinn always looked great. She barely sweated when she had seen her after cheerleading practice and her clothes now were more prone to showing off her figure than the dresses. Not that it was an excuse to stare and Rachel mentally berated herself. She didn't have the right to do that. Quinn allowed her to kiss her now and then, that didn't give her the option of checking her out whenever the possibility arose.

The shed door was opened and Quinn stood to the side of it, clearly waiting for Rachel to walk in. The brunette stopped any facial expressions from giving away her shock that Quinn acted...well, like a gentleman. Thankfully Puck was standing with a spatula, an arm raised and proclaimed, "I am the king of all the grills!" That was typical. Quinn opening the door for her was not and she needed something that felt normal. The laugh that followed Puck's prideful statement wasn't as heart felt as the one minutes ago, but she was still appreciative of it.

"Thank you, Noah. Yes, you are the god of fire." She said with her lips pressed together, trying not to mock him in his state of glory.

"Don't let it go to your head. Out." She heard Quinn say with a light tone as the blonde tilted her head to the door.

"I see how it is. Work me to the bone," he said with his own half smile and Rachel was glad to see them joke. How they seemed comfortable with one another. For a second she wondered if Noah was still harboring feelings for Quinn or if they were meeting in secrecy...but she rationalized-where would Quinn find the time? Her nights were occupied...

"Bill me," the blonde said with a glimmer of playfulness in her eyes and watched Puck leave. The tan girl didn't say anything but chose to watch the mohawked boy leave, muscles visible through his tight shirt and bicep bulging as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Its organic cheese, vegan bread and butter." Quinn said, holding a plate between them and Rachel was forced to focus on it.

"That's nice..." Rachel trailed off, not seeing where this was going.

"Eat it." The blonde said calmly and surprisingly without command as though she knew Rachel would protest. The tone was coaxing as though she were talking to a child saying its okay before they were about to be given a shot.

"Absolutely not," she bristled.

"Rachel, so help me." The words came out with some impatience.

"Quinn, I'm fine," she said and shook her head, arms crossed over her chest. The step away from the blonde made Quinn's head hurt and she brought her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, feeling an acute pain already and shut her eyes.

"I'll put it this way. I'm telling you to eat this. It took fifteen minutes for Puck to make a sandwhich that should take five." It was tiring and she felt it but she opened her eyes as she stopped putting pressure on her head. "The search took over hour and a half. Its organic cheese. Everything is free range."

"I don't want," she started but looked down, feeling touched and guilty that this was obviously a lot of work. Everything that should take the regular amount of time to do was doubled. The days of takeout were dreams now. But Quinn was considerate and she knew she was being stubborn and trying to maintain her vegan lifestyle . When Rachel looked down Quinn saw the dark spots under her eyes and it was like a freaking wake up call that Rachel needed this. She became angry that she hadn't done this sooner. The previous ball of energy known was Rachel Barbara Berry was becoming hollow.

"Eat it, Rachel. Gain some weight, get healthy or you're not kissing me." Quinn said coldly as though she knew their secret meetings were keeping the smaller girl sane. It came off chilled to Rachel, whose eyes widened when the archer of their group left abruptly. There was a solid noise and Rachel noticed the plate was set on the small table. Although the grill was dying down and still providing heat Rachel was shivering. The chill wasn't from the air. Quinn made the shed seem warmer, her presense alone, which Rachel found strange since she had thought Quinn was pretty in an ice queen way when school was in session.

_There goes the female Apollo or human centaur. _Rachel thought and couldn't decide on, but felt like keeping with Quinn's allusion to greek mythology before. Quinn moved like a horse; she was strong and beautiful and brave. And it wasn't until the grilled cheese was almost cold did she realize Quinn's harsness was a mask for being worries about her and showing in her abrasive way that she cared. At that thought she slowly raised the triangle of bread and cheese and brought it to her mouth. Taking the first bite was difficult, it was like saying goodbye to her old life completely, but she took another bite and let the experience sink in that held a range of implications.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Okay-this is shorter than wanted and I would love if it was longer, but after 2 hours of cardio at the gym I lacked the energy. Please note that I really don't believe in zombies, but I like how most people would likely follow a thought pattern-denial, shock, anger, etc. Most importantly I hope everyone is in character and humor is needed in this story or it would be a drag so hopefully some people smirk. Longer chapter next time (but I'm not promising anything). It might bother people that questions are being asked so much between Rachel and Quinn, but I think its in character and considerate so it stays. Reviews are appreciated.

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><p>"Is everything put away and we have enough water?"<p>

"Its taken care of," he said in a faux, cliche of an accent to sound like The Godfather.

Quinn peered at him and wondered how he still managed to be such a charming geek. He was a dork, but his looks saved him. Then again she knew Mercedes was the kind of girl to look beyond looks.

"What are we in the mafia?" She asked, trying to control her smile that was creeping into the corners of her mouth.

"You talkin' to me?" He replied with a hand gesture as well. The blonde looked at him as though saying-really? She chose to shake her head and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so glad I never liked you the way Mercedes does." Instead of taking offense Sam smiled and was fine that his impression didn't work on the blonde. She offered a small smile that didn't meet her eyes as she walked away to talk with Finn. The last time the blonde boy had seen her smile-a real smile, was at Rachel.

"Did you have any luck finding a generator that won't create a lot of noise or something efficient to muffle the sound?"

Finn appeared confused and Quinn supressed a huff and explained again. "Have you and Puck found a generator that isn't too loud? We can put it in the basement, but I don't want it to draw any U.D's."

"Ah no, not yet, but hey...this has been...what I'm trying to say is...and it doesn't bother me, but when did the girls become the leaders?"

The usual chatter of the dishes being done, Brittany and Santana talking, Puck lifting a weight that got deposited on its holder, the metal clanking once, Mercedes doing light scales, Kurt and Blaine discussing new designs to the house...fell silent.

"Did he really just ask what I think he did?" Mercedes whispered to Sam but it carried over the entire room. The sweet boy gave a very small nod and Mercedes replied, "Lord help him."

"How do you mean, Finn?" Quinn asked, trying to give the tall boy an out. Certainly she wasn't in charge of their living. Rachel seemed to be and it was wearing her out. It was too much responsibility for one person. Even though she tried to sound diplomatic she tensed physically because he should be thankful Rachel basically guided them and trained them to survive.

"I mean..like, you and Rachel...the girls..." he tried again and didn't see how offensive he came off.

"Would you prefer a guy step in?" She asked coldly and knew it came off as such. Maybe it was as simple as Finn not being used to being pushed aside and given the chance to be in his typical leader role, but that was pety and it made Quinn livid.

"That's not it, but sure, why not let a guy try it?" The tall boy said with a shrug and tried to ignore how everyone eyed him like he had three heads.

"Because boys mess things up. Their rooms are usually dirty. Except for Kurt and Blaine's. And because girls are awesome. We run the world. Didn't I sing that San?" Brittany said calmly and then turned to her girlfriend for validation. "Did Finn not get the memo?" She asked with confused eyes. The brunette's response was to kiss her cheek and whispered some reply that made Brittany smile.

Quinn was close enough to hear that Santana had said with sincerity, "You're so smart, B. Yes, Frankenteen missed the point. Color me stunned." She said with sarcasm at the end.

"I think that's it." Puck said as she slowly got up from his bench in the corner of the room. "Girls are the unofficial leaders, whatever. No changes until its put to a vote, but we'll do that sometime between now and never cause my girls here are badass. I don't want change and we've made it this far." He said with an air of solidity as though no one should argue with him and everyone nodded. Not because he was intimidating. He wasn't. If anything, in that moment he seemed tired and logical.

"Finn, give it up and relax, its all good." Artie jumped in but was calm in his delivery. The boy who was on the outside of the group for the first time in a long time leaned back in his seat, defeated and confused. Mr. Shue was out and Emma wasn't the type to interrupt and come to his defense like he was used to his teacher doing. She was also upstairs in their room. It was a lost cause to press it since he knew Sam wasn't about to disagree with Quinn and Puck wasn't going to stop supporting Rachel and his baby mama. Is this what mutany felt like? They weren't on a boat though...or maybe Finn was really confused, beyond his normal obtuseness.

"Since we've decided to forgo a try out for another leader," Quinn said with furrowed brows, taking in that everyone viewed her and Rachel as such figures "Goodnight," she said concretely and turned to go up to a bedroom. How the hell did that conversation and possible confrontation make her exhausted? Because she wasn't ready for it? Shouldn't she have expected it? Finn was used to getting his way...

_Forget it. Just wipe it from your mind and pick up a book and get ready for sleep. Its fine._

It was only 7 o'clock, her internal clock was accurate, but after the "feed Rachel mission" and the brief but possible bomb that was avoided downstairs she was tired but mentally wired. Grabbing a book from one of the shelves that were part of the "unread" group she decided against Wicked. She wanted a break from any connection to Rachel. Unfortunately the book about Jungian psychological theory reminded her of the brunette too. That had to be expected.

It was psychology and she knew Rachel didn't eat much because of her stress level, her depression that wasn't hidden very well if anyone looked and her restrictive diet. The way she forced Rachel to eat it was all she knew. Rule people with an iron fist.

_The queen of hearts..._ She thought bitterly to herself. It seemed she was unable to escape literary references tonight and Through the Looking Glass was her favorite but no sane person wanted to compare themselves to a totalitarinism. But withholding was her forte. Manipulation was second nature-it came with teasing-her ex motto. Even though that was familiar and comfortable she knew her methods weren't fair to the smaller girl. She just didn't want her to vanish in front of her if she had the capibility to stop it. It was like seeing someone do drugs, she imagined, and watching them just fall deeper and deeper.

Groaning she closed her book and didn't bother with a bookmark. Tossing it on the bedside table she then rubbed her index and middle finger into her temple, closed her eyes and willed the sun to go down faster. Not because she wanted Rachel to invite herself into her room, that wasn't it at all. Denial was Quinn's worst enemy and so was her battle with sleep. The circles weren't helped and she rolled onto her side, away from the window. The headache was only getting stronger. Pulling the cover half over herself she focused on her breathing and heart her heartbeat in her ears. It was there. Most importantly she took comfort in that the rhythm was there.

The song fit Quinn too well. Rachel was listening to the blonde's ipod and was falling in love with Laura Marling after two songs. Was love suppose to be that sudden? It was so different from her usual choice in music; the full on emotional theatricality and gut wrenching performances that came with them. Instead Laura Marling grew and became more intense even as she sang softly and Rachel compared her to a growing fire because she was starting to feel something kindle inside herself. And the song fit Quinn too well she decided. She questioned if she was overrelating to the song. It was called Alpha Shallows and in so many ways the ex cheerleader was an alpha. She knew their peers and even the two adults checked with Quinn before they left the house. Rachel also knew everyone checked with the archer if they couldn't find her so Quinn seemed to be a "sidekick" in a way, but the brunette viewed her as an equal and hoped the others did as well. She also knew that somewhere deep inside her that Quinn channelled Artemis whenever she used her bow.

Lyrics floated into her ears and she tried to repress the urge to go into Quinn's room and sleep. She could sleep in her own room for one night. It wasn't impossible! She groaned and closed her eyes as Ms. Marling sang-The grey in the city is too much to bear and I believe that we are meant to be seen and not to be understood...and I want want to be held by those arms.

The words were practically screamed and gave off such a yearning that she exclaimed to the cold air her irritation. _That's it! Forget this. My bed is incredibly uncomfortable! _It was the quickest rationalization she could provide herself as a reason to leave her private room and wander down the hall in the dead of the night to a certain blonde's.

Knocking never happened. On the first night it seemed common decency but now it seemed absurd and so she stepped in quietly. It was after 9 o'clock. She could tell because the ipod told her and that it was close to dying before she turned it off. Quinn looked tense and for once cold as she walked closer to the bed. Placing her knee on the mattress first and sliding into the side that was empty she got comfortable on her side and looked at the girl as she slept. The scarf was still around her neck, her eyes were shut so tight she was frowning and goosebumps were on her arms. Rachel couldn't decide what she wanted to fix first as she kept looking the unguarded girl over.

Raising herself on her arm she reached to the end of the bed and pulled the covers over them and moved closer. They were sharing air and Rachel thought it was very domestic and romantic if they had any room for romance in their lives. Reaching her hand up she brushed the pads of her fingertips over the sleeping girl's eyebrows. When her face softened a minute later and her body seemed to mold into the bed more Rachel thought _Quinn looks more like the modern Sleeping Beauty, only with short hair. And that hair...God, its soft..._

It took her a few beats to realize her hand was in the blonde hair, massaging the girl's scalp until she heard Quinn half hum, half moan and open her eyes to reveal intense green with flecks of gold. For a minute she kept hold on the blonde tresses, enjoying the texture and how Quinn's eye softened when the base of her neck was rubbed.

"I really like your short hair." The whispered compliment was offered and kept her minstrations going with variations to a massage and a pull to bring the taller girl closer to her. She didn't realize she was doing it but she was in textile purgatory and enjoyed it. The little things were what she needed to hold onto and parts of Quinn she was allowed to indulge in were addictive. Though she admitted she didn't need to do this, but she wanted to.

"Its not butch?" Quinn asked, uncertain of the word as though it were a foreign language. She had recalled Santana making her typical snarky comment but a small part was bothered by it since she was accustomed to being ultra feminine.

The brunette was shocked Quinn's voice was lower and lost focus for a second. The second became a minute when she felt a hand graze over her hip to her lower back and pull her in. In the state of half awake Quinn was more touchy and welcoming. Rachel wasn't about to protest or push the girl away but she was shocked when she felt Quinn's head duck under her chin and the tip of her nose ghost over her skin then her lips over the same spot. It was over too brief when the blonde pulled back and looked at Rachel with bedroom eyes.

"Can I do that? I should have asked..." she trailed off, feeling as though she was manipulating Rachel again like a damn chess piece. Rachel felt herself nod and sent a thank you to her fatigue for getting in the way of her usual routine of taking off her bra. At least she had brushed her teeth and hair and washed her face. The cheese flavor wasn't horrible, but she wanted it out of her mouth.

Speaking of mouth she felt Quinn's on her neck again and traveling lower to her chest. The low cut shirt allowed for the access and the ex-singer couldn't decide if that was a good thing or bad thing until the blonde moved her head a little to the left and sweaped her tongue under her collar bone. The action was followed by a small nip and Rachel bit her own lip to stop the moan. _What are we doing? What is going on! Weren't we having a conversation? _

Soft lips pressed into the space right below her collar bone and this time Rachel moaned low and breathy. Why didn't Quinn care about her response? She asked the question and it wasn't rhetorical.

"Hold on..." Rachel said and tried to control her breathing as she took her hands away from Quinn's hair. When did her hands get there? "You asked a question then...distracted me, which really isn't fair. I don't have many opportunities to have a conversation with anyone these days and everyone whispers and I'd like to talk at a normal volume. To answer your question nothing about you is butch...except maybe your guarded disposition."

"Not everyone can be an open book like you." Quinn pulled back and created a lengthy foot between them.

"You hardly know anything about me," Rachel countered and narrowed her eyes at the blonde, challenging her statement.

"Don't I?" She asked and paused. "You hum when you need a moment when someone like Finn asks a flat out stupid question, you used to wear clique happy but the perfume would attract any U.D's, apparently you like that I bite near your collar bones, some part of you still holds out that New York City hasn't been affected so you can make it on broadway, and you were never invisible in high school. You couldn't have been if you tried. You have too much talent, paired with a crazy, albeit impressive mind and"

Quinn was cut off. Lips were against hers and it was soft or tentative like the previous ones. Rachel's hand was against the back of her skull again, pulling her closer and it grew to something more intense. This wasn't a gentle kiss to make the days wash away and the nights a place to vanish into, this was a proclimation that she wanted to be here, in this room, with this person, doing just this.

Both seemed to realize it at that moment and brought their lips more firmly against the others. It wasn't rushed, but it wasn't as lazy as the others. They knew how to kiss one another now. It didn't take long to become familiar with their agreement but Quinn took the girl's bottom lip between her own and bit down harder than she had. Rachel moaned into the awaiting mouth, consuming the sound so no one would hear. She was shocked to feel the brunette shift and roll on top of her. For that painful second Quinn felt caustrophobic and clenched down on the feeling of panic. An attack hadn't happened in years and she'd be damned if this would be the cause of one. She stretched to remind herself to relax. A hand was over her head and the other was still pressed into the smaller girl's back, holding her there although the chances of her falling out of the large bed was very slim. A hand came up from the her side and very gently, like performing surgery pulled at the scarf.

"Can I remove it?" Rachel asked after she lifted her head and looked into hazel eyes. Quinn held her breath and thought it over. The bruises were still there and she didn't want to see a flash of judgement or god damned pity that Rachel was likely going to express.

"I don't...not if..." she tried but fell over the words. words couldn't convey how angry she was that her father had put his hands on her, how depressing it was that he didn't recognize her and how he hadn't let for what were the longest three seconds of her life when her mother screamed its Quinnie.

"Lucy, I'm not going to judge you. Not here." Rachel said with such softness and sincerity that Quinn had to close her eyes. She felt soft lips press near the corner of her left eye and refused to let any sign of a tear show itself. Fuck this was overwhelming. Rachel was trying to comfort her and she was asking in her own way something that seemed to convey more. To Quinn it read: Can I remove your armor? Can I wipe away the makeup? Can I see the real you? And most importantly she heard-I'm not going to hurt you.

Her head nodded. It felt disconnected from herself, but she had given the okay. Slowly, so slowly and with such care, Rachel took off the thick scarf and was glad the moon was the only light. But it was enough. It acted like a street lamp and shone on pale skin, allowing her to see the bruises and immediatly Rachel moved her head down and rested on the blonde's shoulder for a moment. She needed to catch her breath and slow her thoughts. It was surprising to feel small circles on her lower back, giving her comfort. _Shouldn't it be the other way around? _She thought. _Or am I still selfish? _Everytime she asked something from Quinn the blonde gave, even if it was with hesitancy, it was still offered. Those were really good odds, but Rachel felt like she needed to up her score. Not that she was keeping score, but she wanted them to have a balance. It seemed fair and she wanted that in a world that no longer seemed fair in any way.

Pressing her lips gently against an unmarked part of the pale neck she moved back and hovered over Quinn, looking down at her, eyes not leaving the hazel that were confused, slightly amused and appreciative in one look. When the brunette grabbed the bottom of her shirt and raised it inch by inch in a smooth motion and off her body to fall to the floor hazel eyes widened.

"Rachel...that's...we don't have to do anything you...oh Jesus Christ," she groaned the name in frustration. She had started off strong, but an almost half naked girl was sitting on her, looking at her like she wanted to offer her something and this was too much. Rachel's left hand was on her shoulder, a squeeze to the muscle, followed by a trail back to the base of her neck where fingers found her hairline again. Her own hand was still pressed into the girl's lower back, holding her in place so she wouldn't sway. The bed moved uneasily and Quinn made Rachel sit in her lap, more secure and so much closer than before.

"I want this. Maybe not everything all at once...but I want to feel something and you make me feel. Lucy, this is important. Its not that you kiss well and that when you use your bow and arrows you look...really good...its what you say. You're an equal. For once I feel like we're on the same level and its refreshing and I'm not saying we'll be like this every night, but right now...could you...I want to know how much you can make me feel when..." she paused and dropped her voice to a whisper, "I've felt like I'm going through the motions...can you...touch me?"

Tan skin. Quinn had never seen this much skin in front of her before. More importantly Rachel's skin. She had seen a lot of Rachel's legs over the years and they made her slightly envious. Not that she was going to admit that. Everything in front of her seemed soft and welcoming , like someone should give the flat expanse attention. Well...not everything was flat, Quinn was acutely aware of that. Rachel's dark blue bra was less than a foot in front of her and the curves were obviously there. They were larger than her own and for a flash Quinn felt inadequate. Her legs were too big, her butt was the bane of her physique and Rachel's body was better than hers.

Rachel didn't seem to think she was better. Then again Quinn could have sworn the brunette wasn't the type to compare and contrast. Yet here she was, shivering and being open and giving while Quinn sat there stiffly, unsure what to do. Painfully unsure.

"Wha-what?" Her voice cracked and she noticed Rachel give the smallest smirk.

"Lucy." Rachel said softly with her fingertip under her pale chin, tilting her head up so they were looking at each other rather than hazel eyes focusing on her stomach. The ex cheerleader was shocked to the core that Rachel appeared calm and patient. If their positions were switched she'd feel too naked, too worried and too self-conscious. It would have been veiled over a demanding disposition, but Rachel looked fearless and certain. The blonde didn't know her hand on Rachel's back was keeping her calm, allowing her to feel centered and took away the desire to bolt from the room. The fact that Quinn was the more nervous of the two amused her considering she was the one half naked!

"In what...capacity do you want me..." she trailed off and wanted to rephrase that. She had never been on such unsettling ground. Was she overthinking this? She never wished she was a mind reader but god did she in that moment. Rachel's eyes gave a cute twinkling effect and Quinn felt the bed shake a little as laughter seemed to bubble inside the smaller girl until Rachel took her hand away from the strong shoulder and brought her knuckles up to her mouth to stop the sound from coming out.

"Quinn Fabray is a nerd. How did I never see this?" Rachel whispered to herself and really let out her full body laughter.

"Oh you think you're cute." The blonde narrowed her eyes but pressed her fingertips in her lower back, worried the smaller girl would sway and land on her head. Rachel Berry with a concussion was something that should be avoided at all cost! But the smaller girl was smiling down at her in a way that said-yeah, I am.

Snarky Rachel inspired ambivalence in her. It was frustrating and adorable how bashful she was in the moment. Still the blonde held her, unsure what to do. There wasn't an Idiot's Guide to this! And she felt like a moron for not knowing how to handle a girl half naked in front of her, rather, on top of her. In the locker rooms during her cheerleading days, which seemed like a lifetime ago she had seen plenty of half naked girls, but this was different. This girl willingly put herself in this position and wanted something basic and so human. God, this took guts and Rachel was running her thumb near her jawline, stroking the tension out. Her throat rippled as she swallowed and didn't drop her fixed gaze with Rachel's brown eyes that almost appeared black with their dialated pupils. The look of pure patience and lack of expectations was what made Quinn decide to move her hand from the girl's lower back to her hip. That simple shift was an embrace as she pressed her left arm into the bed and pushed herself forward. It was a snap decision and she chose to graze her lips against a tan collarbone, knowing that Rachel would like that, if her indications from minutes earlier were honest.

Lips against skin in such an intimate area wasn't overly erotic and Quinn felt safe pressing her lips there. She felt Rachel move closer and rest her head on her forehead. It was like she fell into her, body slumped down, back becoming the most relaxed Quinn had ever felt the girl. When Rachel scratched the back of her neck and gave an appreciative moan from deep inside her pulling out an air of reverence the blonde whispered, "Oh my god." Soon after she felt Rachel completely settle on her lap. There wasn't a heaviness to her, but Quinn felt more connected. Somehow the sane part of her wanted to slow down even though something primal was telling her to bring her lips to Rachel's and kiss her hard.

A flash went through her mind of how quick and fleeting her experience with Puck had been. She needed this to be different. In an abstract way this was like a redo. Even if she wasn't a hundred percent certain any of this would reach a higher level. Taking the girl's smaller hand she grazed her bottom lip over the bone that was fairly prominent and silently conveyed that she would come back to it and give that part of her body more attention. Holding the tan hand in hers felt solid. Bring the hand to her mouth she kissed each knuckle, feeling that these were the hands that had written lyrics about never being able to get it right, hands that wound in her hair and hands that sometimes held a gun...

Rachel smelled sweet. Somehow she managed to taste sweet and a little salty. The contrast seemed to connect with her personality-how at first glance the ex singer appeared naive until she opened her mouth and came off a little cheeky. Although her hand glided from the tan hip to her midback and rubbed her thumb in circles on the side of her rib Quinn avoided touching the bra that was confining Rachel.

"This is...very..innocent...why aren't you..." she asked quietly, worried she would kill the softness or disrupt the blonde's attention if she spoke at a normal decibal.

"Because." The girl said concretely with a tone that said don't question it but felt a tug on her hair, indicating that Rachel needed more of a reason. A heavy minute passed with the ex cheerleader holding the smaller girl gently, like she was something precious, something that she could damage if she didn't take her time. If they rushed anything she would be appauled with herself. "You're beautiful...and I..don't want to ruin that. Or...detract or take away from it. That it..is you...as a whole. Your spirit." Her speech was coming out clipped but this wasn't rehearsed, it was gloriously up in the air, similar to how she mentally felt. She swallowed the lump in her throat and the pne lodged in her chest, pushing down the physical restraint to be this honest. But Rachel was being so open that this needed to be said. It should be said as an offering-a take what you can from my words, they're the only thing I have right now. "And you're asking something that I don't know how..." She was screaming in her head to shut up, this was very un-Fabray to admit your flaws. A louder scream was telling her she and Rachel were going to damage one another.

"Lucy, this is surreal," she brushed her index finger over soft lips and Quinn moved back slightly at the sensation that resembled a tickle. Rachel held her head in her hand and did the movement again creating a small laughter escape from Quinn that seemed more like a sigh. "That fact that you aren't doing anything more is...amazing. For lack of a better word. And honestly I don't know what I was expecting...but you beat them. This is better than what I hoped for." And she leaned down and kissed her. Lips meeting midway, taking cues from one another. Quinn didn't mind Rachel's mini speech that as always was more wordy than others and certainly more than her own versimilatude, but it calmed Quinn how some things about Rachel hadn't changed. Pulling back again she trailed her lips to the tan jaw and then her neck, taking her time there and nipping at the taught muscle of her shoulder then moved to her shoulder, breathing in the scent there.

"Are you tired?" Rachel asked, voice husky and she moved her hair out of the way, her body elongating and stretching, allowing Quinn to feel her ribs and play them like piano keys. That was the thought that went through the blonde's mind and she wondered how much she could play Rachel like an instrument.

"No," Lucy said, content with her one word answer and licked her lips. She had hours at her disposal to give attention to the girl in her arms. Hours to ignore the plague, forget about her biological family, and fall into something beautiful.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Love that I was called Miss Sassy at work by a random person which is really a step down from when I was called a spitfire by a police officer. But this is longer than the last chapter. Reviews for this would be awesome. Now let's see how much I can emotionally manipulate people...

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><p>Awkward. She expected it to be exactly that when she woke up, her lips pressed into Rachel's naked back. The brunette had taken her bra off and still had on comfortable yoga pants before they settled in for sleep. but the soft skin that smelled uniquely Rachel made Quinn stretch and resituate herself so she was curved into the tiny girl's body, now kissing her neck. The barely there grazes were pulling Rachel from her sleep and she didn't mind but she was slowly growing exasperated that those soft lift were barely there. She wanted something stronger to make her feel more. The gentleness was sweet and far from what she ever thought she'd be woken up from, especially from Quinn, but she wanted something to make her not think and run through her usual morning list of things that had to be done.<p>

Her back grew tense with anticipation. This was new. It felt like she could take her time, like she had all the time in the world to lay in bed with this girl and be treated with consideration as Quinn kept up her light kisses that didn't hold any pressure or implications for more. But that stress was building in her body, she had a routine and people were replying on her. And she wanted it to stop and let herself rest and lay in this bed, specifically this bed that she felt was better than her own, but her back grew tense to the point that her stomach gave a twist of protest. The pain went through her, like a blade, she imagined this is what it felt like to be cut or stabbed and she groaned and twisted into a fetal ball. For an instant she felt like a baby and a fleeting feeling of embarrasement went through her, but the pain made her not care about such superficial things. Quinn had seen her half naked, she didn't care if the girl saw her vulnerable in another way.

"Rachel?" The blonde asked, worry seeming into her name and the brunette shut her eyes more, feeling that she didn't deserve the girl's concern. They should have been rescued by now. A team of people connected to her fathers should have come for them and she knew she was failing her and all of them. It wouldn't be enough, her lists and being prepared and she couldn't keep them all safe. She wasn't god. if there was a god. But god seemed to have quit or taken a leave of absence...

Her body quivered as though it was refusing to allow words to be expressed. Quinn was disturbed by the silence. Rachel talked quietly now, like everyone else had adopted, but the brunette was never lacking in verbiage. "Rachel." She tried again and ran her hand over the girl's lower stomach, trying to smooth out the internal issues that seemed to make the girl tight lipped.

"Just give me a moment..." Rachel said lowly, her voice sounding like gravel. Hell, if she was getting sick she was going to flip out. Spinal surgery, it felt like someone was taking a fucking scalpel to her back and hastily making incisions for their masochistic enjoyment. Stress could kill the body.

"Can I...try something?" The blonde said and Rachel again felt the shift to Lucy. The uncertainty that she allowed to be heard in her voice was not a Quinn trait.

"Now isn't the time for anything sexual." She bit her lip and breathed in deeply through her nose.

"I wasn't..." she was taken aback and stopped moving her hand. This was new territory and she didn't want to come off as a creeper. A small hand was placed on hers as though telling her it was okay, she didn't mean it like that. And the blonde should have known better, she knew that much. Rachel hadn't spoken maliciously. Of the two of them she knew she was the one to say cruel things. Not the girl who seemed like she had been kicked in the back and was consequently curled up.

The squeeze to her hand was further reassurance and Quinn slowly removed her hold from the girls lower abs to her hip. Shifting a little she brought her other arm to Rachel's lower back then moved her right hand along side it. This was a first for the blonde-first attempt to wake someone, a first to try consoling, first try at a massage. Her thumbs moved in slow circles, not pressing hard, but working the knot out.

It felt the size of those large jawbreakers that came out of the coin machines. More importantly it felt right to try this and she clenched her right hand into a fist, knuckles cracking, while her left thumb kept the pressure. She brought her knuckles into the spot with the tension and rolled her hand back and forth. A soft groan was heard, not at all sexual but appreciative. A sense of pride went through Quinn that something as little and on the unprofessional level her massage was seemed to be helping Rachel. Scrunched shoulders fell, tension releasing as the blonde spent minutes running her hand over a smooth back that was a lie, given how many knots refused to disintegrate and dissolve. Quinn pushed harder and felt, then heard the brunette's calm sigh. It almost sounded musical.

For a moment Quinn thought there was a disconnect how she never would have considered herself being in this position and enjoying it. But Rachel was soft and the boys she had kissed and unfortunately done more with Puck was forced, this was like eating icecream or a hot fudge sundae. She could willingly indulge in that any day. But there was always the feeling nagging in the back of her mind that Rachel was using her for heat, to take a break from the ouside world and in turn they had created their little bubble. Quinn wondered who or what would be the needle to rupture it.

Her hands stopped at that thought as she frowned at the tan skin and moved back a few inches. Self-preservation. It wasn't sane. And was it really wise to get attached to anyone that was beyond amicable if anyone could go on a mission and not return?

"Why did you stop?" Rachel asked, tilting her head around to look at the perplexed blonde. Why anyone would look at Quinn and think she's a "dumb blonde" was beyond her. The ex cheerleader was the most cerebral person she knew. She watched as the taller girl remained quiet and looked over her features. Her hazel eyes looked stormy and conflicted. They were only laying together...why would...

"Lucy..." Rachel asked again, trying to pull her back to the present. But was that fair to Quinn? She felt that she should let Quinn drift off or mentally wander given that reality was such a bastard lately.

"I'm going to take a shower," the girl replied, sleep still holding her voice and Rachel stopped the smirk that Quinn sounded...sexy in the morning...well more than usual, she thought. When the words caught up to her she already missed the solid force of Quinn laying behind her. Pale skin crossed the room and although the archer was wearing shorts and a girlish tank top that were both very simple Rachel thought she looked beautiful. "Quinn." The name was said with more demand as she raised herself up and held the blanket to her chest.

_God damn it she looks so vulnerable_ she thought as she grabbed a towel that was hanging on a hook she had set up a while ago to make the room seem more hers. Biting her lip she made herself not reply in an honest way that she couldn't do this right now. "I'll see you later." She said politely, channeling her upbringing that trained her so well.

The door shutting wasn't a slam but to Rachel it might as well have been. She was still dramatic, she knew that, but the room felt colder. Her eyes darted around the room and found her shirt on the floor with her bra less than a foot away. Getting out of bed she put it everything back on and thought about what to do with her day. Kurt would be the ideal person to lament to and discuss her confusion that was Quinn. Maybe Blaine could help but she felt so isolated lately that neither person would be a goof fit and frankly she didn't want to burden them with her uncertainty.

"Baby Mama," Puck said with a lopsided smile as she came out of the bathroom, dressed and smelling good. Hey, he was human, she smelled good. Whatever. But she fixed him with a glare. "Okay, Q. Got a plan. I know the chances are slim to fucking none, but its been bothering me and I need to know." He said with a degree of jitteryness that was unlike his cool and collected persona. The only thing Quinn knew that made him uneasy and always have an air of anticipation was...Beth. The name was screamed in her head and it was a jolt. She thought about the baby daily. Sometimes it was an abstract thought, the baby or child, but Beth, the name held some much crushing weight that she moved against the wall and leaned into it. The nod she gave was barely seen, but Puck was so intently watching her that he was lucky to catch it so he continued but crossed his arms over his chest, nearly predicting a punch to the chest if he pushed her too hard. No one pushed Quinn Fabray. Everyone knew that. They did if they were feeling suicidal. "I've got the tank ready and I want you to...come with me."

"Puck..." She said, her voice tiny but held a fine strand of steel to it.

"No, hear me out. I need...like closure. Its driving me crazy and I bet you want it too even though nothing comes wrapped with a big fucking bow on top of it." He whispered as best as he could, but his emotions were taking hold. He didn't even try to stop them, it would have been pointless since Beth was the only thing that got an instant rise out of him.

"I...god," she mumbled. "We...she..."

"Q, I'm not forcing you into this, but this has to happen. Please." He begged. The begging was there and they both knew it. He wanted to say he hadn't asked anything from her in ages, but this was the freaking cake laced with cyanide.

"No, the chances of...its not practical." She whispered because this was their lives, this only involved them. Beth was theirs.

"You think I don't know that? I just need to check. Make a sweep. We're talkin' about Shelby here and Rachel is a mini her, tough and stubborn and shit, so who knows if she's there. That's my point." He stressed. She looked him over, really looked at him. Determination was in his eyes, in his stance and she knew with or without her he was going. Combat boots were already on, his jaw was set and he kept clenching it and she wanted to touch his face and smooth it out, but that wasn't her job. It would have felt forced and strained when they rarely touched. Rather than offer comfort she complied and nodded, giving her agreeance. "Lace up your boots and get ready," he said in a lighter tone, his shoulders falling a little. For more than one reason he needed Quinn to be with him. It wasn't because she was a good shot and had become tough as nails, though that helped, he needed the woman who hadn't been a girl for well over a year to go with him because she was the one to give him something to live for-a daughter than was ignorant to the fact that she was the most important thing to him and probably her, if Quinn ever admitted it.

Turning to her room she took in a pained amount of air. Was she holding her breathe the whole time she was listening to Puck? She couldn't tell, everything always stopped when Beth was mentioned. There were hours she would lie in bed and stare at her ceiling in her old house and think of Beth. She knew she had done horrible things in her short life. Selfish, ruthless, cruel, vindictive actions, but that little girl was innocent and something she had created that was right. Her room was gloriously empty when she pushed through the door. For an instant she was thankful she had the solitude as she undressed and redressed into more appropriate clothes for the sake of stealth.

Puck wasn't kidding. She grabbed some black boots and tied them tight as though she were trying to hold herself together rarther than think of how she gave a part of herself away, she sent her daughter into the world and hoped that she would have a better life than her own because she knew she was inept and wouldn't be enough for her baby. That realization was harsh and the most self aware she had ever felt in her life. Knowing she would fail her daughter at that point in her life wasn't a benign epiphany but one that felt like being kicked out of her house was a walk in the park.

Taking the bow and arrows from its usual resting place she felt a little stronger holding the weapon that was hers. Others had tried it but didn't come close to reaching the skill she had and it felt empowering how fast and silently she could take down a U.D. if needed. The guns were loud and attracted attention, her method was befitting to her personality and she took comfort in the feel of certainty that went through her-knowing her arrows would hit their marks.

"Did you tell Rachel we're going?" Puck asked once they were outside. Quinn fixed him with a look that said-why would I tell her anything? Again he held up his hands like he did yesterday and shook his head. "Your life and your grave," he said with a shrug and moved to the tank.

"Less talking, Puck." She said to his back as he climbed in. He turned his head to look down on her and smirk. That damn smirk said it all and gripped the metal handle instead of hit him. Anger was one of the things that she needed to work on. One of the many works in progress. The groan wasn't surpressed and Puck laughed under his breath. Teasing Quinn and getting under her skin was one of his favorite past times, he took his chances when they were given.

The ride into town was quiet except for the tank rumbling down the street. After a while it almost became soothing, like white noise. If it wasn't for the josling she could have fallen asleep. She had closed her eyes when Puck started to treat the tank like a bowling ball and Instinctuals like pins.

"Q, we're on the street." He indicated they met their destination. Quinn bit her lip and refrained from saying we've BEEN on a street since we started but being a smart ass right now didn't seem wise. Her leg started bouncing in jittery nerves. The adrenaline rushing through her already as she rubbed her palm into her thigh and squeezed her knee, digging her short nails into the fabric to feel some sort of pain for a distraction.

"Lets go," Puck commanded as she went through the hole and out into the blinding daylight. Should have worn some shades. The mohawked guy who walked more like a man through the desolate street shouldered her gun and put on his yellow tinted glasses. Quinn was glad she could see his eyes through the light lenses, finding a small degree of comfort that they could make eye contact. Slipping an arrow into the taught bow as she firmly placed her feet on the pavement she looked around. Typical suburban area. If it wasn't for the eery silence you would think everyone was at work. The trash and ghost town quality the streets had gave away the picturesque quality and killed the facade.

Solid but careful steps were made into the apartment complex. Once upon a time Quinn wished she lived in a place like this. Classy, spacious, mature, and her own. The softest music was heard as they reached the familiar door. There shouldn't be noise, there shouldn't be music and a soft voice coming from a stereo because that meant there was someone inside, unless it was never turned off. But how could it work anyway? Speakers hooked into an ipod?

When the music stopped and silence fell over the air and blanketed them in that overwhelming silence that made them both wonder if they had gone deaf they knew, they knew someone was beyond that door.

* * *

><p>"Where's Luc...Quinn?" Rachel asked Santana and Brittany who were lounging on the couch in what was the common room.<p>

"Do I look like her keeper?" Santana asked back, but without her usual bite since she had been receiving undivided attention from Brittany.

"I'm trying to get a headcount," Rachel said diplomatically but added her hands on her hips for good measure. The times of Santana Lopez verbally attacking her were threw.

"Sure you are, Broadway." The Latina said with her usual smirk that looked both sexy and disturbing, but she prefered this nickname over her previous ones.

"San." Brittany cut in with a gentle command to make the girl stop her biting tone.

"B, not my problem if Blondie goes out with Puckerman and gets knocked up again," she said with a growing smile, trying to get a rise from the other brunette in the room.

"Q was feeling bad that day and she was being like you when you're sick. Except its not sexy times for us, its like the only time we cuddle. You should get sick more often." The blonde said with honesty and Santana frowned at her girlfriend's logic, but also accepted the stream of consciousness.

"We can play doctor later." The smirk was back and she ignored Rachel who didn't mind being dismissed at the drop of a hat.

_Where's Quinn?_

* * *

><p>Puck tightened the grip on the handle and turned it. Miraculously it wasn't locked and although it was a good sign it was also not in various ways. Their kid was suppose to be inside here. It shouldn't be unlocked and since it was it had to mean...<p>

He pushed the door open and half expected it to groan like in a cheesy b-horror movie, but it swung open and the apartment was still organized, lived in, and didn't give any impression the place was abandoned. A freaking candle was lit and the vanilla almost calmed him down but the random guy on the couch rocking a baby...his baby gave him a heart attack.

"Beth." He heard Quinn say with a tone that seemed reverant and holy. He was glad someone was going to try for a conversation because he had no clue where his voice went. Seized by this unknown guy, he was sure of it. Just..._what the fuck! _

"Where's Shelby? And who the hell are you?" Again Quinn's voice cut through the apartment and Puck was thrilled someone was taking the reins. Not that he was shocked. This was Quinn and Beth would be half as lucky if she ended up being as badass as her mother but the questions were the same that echoed in his own mind only with less profanity.

"I'm a friend, I was a friend...she...turned and I promised her I would take care of her kid." He said with wide eyes and still held Beth to him in a protective way.

His words sunk in. He wasn't some crazed guy who found his way in and decided to try to play daddy. He knew Shelby wasn't capable of taking care of Beth. He made a promise. Puck tallied it up and decided this guy was decent but with a quick look to Quinn she still seemed apprehensive. But he should have come sooner. They should have made the trip much sooner because now Shelby was dead...she was an undead and Puck felt some air get knocked out of him. Apologizing to this stranger wasn't going to be enough. It would fall flat and this world didn't make any sense. Acting politely wasn't going to change anything. They weren't the cavalry and they weren't saviors. They were two teens, barely adults to most people's standards and he knew they were going to ask him to break his promise.

"We're her birthparents," the blonde said rationally and Puck heard the pain there, that Quinn wouldn't call herself Beth's mother. They hadn't earned it. "You said you made a promise and I respect that, I thank you for it..." she paused and seemed lost in thoughts.

_Is this kidnapping? We're not gonna take her, Quinn'll ask. She'll ask and he'll give her to us and it'll be fine. It'll be okay. _He didn't want to speak yet, his voice couldn't be trusted and Quinn was doing a hell of a job trying to appeal to this guy. Puck knew he wanted to just plead and even get down on his knees and ask this guy if they could take Beth and raise her.

"Maybe you can live with us. Beth would be safe." The girl said and was completely rational and sounded strong but her voice wavered when she said Beth. This wasn't easy for her and Puck couldn't make her handle it all by being a mute.

"Okay, sir...ah..."

"Juda. Judas.." he said with a brief smile.

"Biblical. God help us." Quinn mumbled, not bothering to censor herself as she looked at the wall.

"Seems all too fitting. Here you two are and I've been waiting. I can't do this anymore. I promised when Shelby was here. I can't do this alone." He spoke into her lap as Beth was laying there in a bundle, blissfully ignorant to the events. How she was about to be traded like an object from one person to the next. The thought made Quinn feel sick.

"Quinn and me could..." Puck tried and Quinn wanted to correct him. Quinn and I. He shouldn't have skipped as many classes as he did. This desperate guy was going to think they were morons.

"We could take her." Quinn cut in with a surge of strength, but tried in vain to not seem overeager. She had learned and watched at boring parties that the way to get what you wanted was to appeal to someone in a business manner. "If you want to visit her you can, but we could like custody, we want to provide for her." She made her case.

The man started to get up and was surprisingly tall but thin. She knew if there would be an issue Puck could take him, not even a question of competition. And there was two against one here but Quinn didn't want to do this by force. It shouldn't come to that. Diplomacy. This was a new start. Although Beth was so small and still so innocent she wanted to be a good example for her kid.

"What do you want? What do you think would be best?" She asked this waif of a man who seemed tired beyond belief and like he was struggling to keep holding on. It was more than obvious when he sighed and rocked Beth so keep her from crying as she was waking.

"What I want...my family who's gone...anything to live for." He said looking far off at the ground. This was a haunted man. A shell, someone who made it this far because of a promise and now he had a way out. She didn't know what his job was but she decided he was an escape artist. They were giving him a way out. Holding out her hands she took a step towards him. The slowest and smallest step she'd ever taken in her life that went against everything she was feeling. She wanted Beth like she wanted to know the meaning of life, but also knew Beth would give her a purpose and a sense of fullfilment. If only she could hold onto her.

Appearences were decieving as she seemed calm but wanted to tell to this sad man-give her to us. Apparently her eyes gave her away because she didn't notice her body was betraying her until water was blocking her vision. She was forced to wipe the physical emotions in the form of tears. When she brought her hands back down she saw Shelby's friend move closer and pass Beth to her. In an instant when the baby was firmly in her arms did she have this sense of contentment. Beth would grow up and toss her food on the floor and clap her hands at the sound, she'd say no all the time when she gets to two and learn to ride a bike and maybe take up archery and Quinn would read to her at night and they would draw pictures together and...

She breathed in and it felt like the first breath she had taken in months. This baby was going to change everything. She might make things harder but she didn't care. Beth was amazing and it would be okay if they didn't do any of those things as long as her daughter was happy.

"Hello baby." She whispered to her daughter and was broken out of her trance when she heard shuffeling and things being thrown around.

"Juda...what're you doin man?" Puck asked with clear confusion.

"Leaving." He said with a fleeting smile after he paused from throwing clothes into a duffel bag.

"You don't want to...check up on Beth?" He said shaking his head. Dumb founded that someone would dismiss a baby so quickly.

"I trust you. As assuming as that is I'm putting faith in you because I can't. I'm one guy. It was barbaric but I chained Shelby to a pole. I thought someone would find a cure and she'd be able to get better but I couldn't go outside anymore knowing she was wandering. She's a block over." He finished with a grimace and had the decency to show that he felt guilty for doing something so heinous. Puck looked like he was ready the punch the guy for doing something so twisted and for giving up Beth so easily. It all took less than fifteen minutes for Quinn to persuade him and for him to shoulder the bag and look around the apartment for anything else. His pale blue eyes sweeping the place for anything he'd want.

Quinn felt herself become stone and made the snap decision to not care about this man. It was his life and his choice to go out in the world rather than care for a defenseless child. She grippbed Puck's wrist and gave a firm squeeze to make him not advance on this man who was human but desperate. They expected so much worse than this. Beth was with them and nothing else mattered anymore except the people in the lakehouse and those who were trying to find a cure. But they needed to go back to home base.

"To the tank." She said with a nod and made Puck carry her bow. The bundle of blankets and the sleeping baby inside was more important. The boy gave a nod, thrilled that the man had left and made the move to go first. He took one step and stopped suddenly and turned around. Looking down at Beth he smoothed his fingers over her forehead and looked at her with wonder. She was wonderful. Quickly he grabbed the lamb stuffed animal from her crib, deciding that would matter and would do for now as they headed to the door.

"To the bat mobile," He said with a smirk, thinking Artie would say something like that, maybe Sam, yeah, probably Sam. It made sense to be dazed and he didn't care how dorky he seemed. Now his biggest mission was to get his girls back safe.

World War III could have been happening ten feet in front of her and she wouldn't have cared. She had Beth. Her baby was in her arms and she felt that weight back on her only it wasn't resting on her stomach. Beth was asleep in her arms and it made her want to sleep too. There was something completely relaxing and disarming having her resting against her.

"Q. We're back." Puck said waking her from her trance that was more like a half sleep. "Can I...take her?" he asked uncertain. Scary Quinn or whatever the hell Finn dubbed her could come out but Puck had an idea that lion Quinn was going to be more prominent than the hyper feminine girl he had known for years. That or she was going to be a Mama Bear if there was any indication by how she was protectively holding Beth. "You look like you're 'bout to pass out. Why don't you take a nap? I'm sure everyone is going to want to hold her and I haven't gotten my fill yet." he said with a smirk, trying to downplay how badly he wanted to hold her.

It took a moment but Quinn rubbed the fatigue from her eyes and handed their daughter to him. Naturally it would make getting out of the tank easier but she could spend hours holding her and probably be fine taking a nap with her if they could get a crib because she wasn't an imbecile, she knew that bed death for infants happened and as much as she wanted to be close to her baby she wanted Beth to be safe-above all-safe. Again it felt like she was giving a part of herself to this boy who was more a man than anything-ready to take on the role of fatherhood. She refused to let her cynicism kill the moment as she considered that he could steal everything they needed for her and finances weren't a burden. Why would have thought raising a baby during the U.D. plague would be simpler?

"Get some rest or ya know...take a nap with jew babe." He said gently and without a smirk. The blonde wondered when Puck became a really good, stand up guy because it couldn't have happened over night. She was distracted and knew that it had been gradual but she had missed all the tells. Nodding she pushed open the front door, amazed that her mind was running blindly and already inserted herself in the house. She was overwhelmed.

When she got to her room she sat on the edge of the bed and breathed almost like meditation. Where was her center? She was rocked to the core. Beth was here, they were together. She never thought they would have a together, they had been seperate and had two unconnected lives because she had failed before she was given the chance to be a mother. Now this was a chance and her chest was clenching. Was she ready? Puck seemed ready. Maybe she could take a page out of his book...

"Quinn, why are there glasses on the bed?" She heard Rachel ask, breaking her from her thoughts. "And where were you?" The brunette said more fiercely, already gearing up with her hands on her small hips. The newly appointed mother was about to say something but Rachel kept going in her nervous ramble. "Oh my god...tell me we're going to roleplay and you're going to be a librarian...no wait...that's not realistic. You love your books but I'm fairly certain I fit the librarian persona more than you and..." she stopped when she noticed Quinn blush immensely. "Oh did I shock you?" She said with a playful smirk. Where had this Rachel come from? Cute, cheeky, smart-alec to a t and endearing because she was standing in front of her, arms on pale shoulders, a hand brushing over the still bruised neck that was covered by a collar and a hand in her hair, massaging again.

"I need them for reading lately. But um...no, not role playing." The verbal fumble was annoying but she needed something simple, mundane, and she enjoyed the conversation, though untraditional and far from what she thought she'd ever discuss with Rachel. She could have burst into the house and screamed I have Beth, she's alive, there might be a god after all! But she listened to Rachel ask if she wore glasses and it calmed her how nonchalant it was. Rachel was bringing her back down to earth from the massive and stunning high that was getting Beth back. Having her and getting the chance to protect her was all she wanted.

"That's okay." The standing girl said softly. "I like you as you." She said with a delicate smile.

"You like me as Lucy..." Quinn said with a sigh and didn't have the energy to be defensive.

"Stop refering to yourself as a different person. The disconnect is overtly obvious and clearly not helping. You aren't two seperate people...unless you have a multiple personality that I'm unaware of," she tried to lessen the intense conversation.

"Everyone expresses themselves in their own way and has different roles inside them." Quinn said diplomatically.

"That's true and I agree with that, but you aren't the bitchy cliche of a cheerleader, you're...don't kill me, but you're sweet and you're Lucy and you're..." she stopped abruptly having heard a baby cry. It was distinct and cut through the house. "I'm losing my mind. I'm hearing things," Rachel said in a dramatic way that somehow came off muted from her usual dramatics but she pressed her fingertips into her temple.

"That's Beth," Quinn said with a light smile in a whisper that still portrayed pride, though she was unsure how Rachel would handle her child. Still taking in that her daughter was with them and would have an impressively diverse family to grow up in. Wide eyes looked down at her and resumed touching her hair.

"You're a mother." Rachel said in the barest of whispered that held a degree of awe. Quinn was so young and strong to have created a life. It was her turn to be shocked by this girl who was holding onto her waist and was looking at her like Rachel was going to break her if she said anything negative about Beth.

"I have to check on her," she whispered back and removed her hand to pull her collar back against her neck to hide the bruises. Rachel didn't think about it but she leaned down and kissed the soft, pale cheek.

"Can I come with you?" Rachel asked with immense consideration, not wanting to intrude as Quinn made her way to the door.

"As long as you promise not to teach her how throw a proper storm out..." Quinn supplied with her own smirk. The witty remark made Rachel squeeze the blonde's hand and drop it when the mother opened the door.

The next week was a whirlwind of energy and chaos. Beth was a little blessing and something to focus on. Everyone loved her and after the sense of shock had worn off everyone watched her in shifts. Brittany was practically a cheerleader for the baby and scolded anyone who grumbled when she dropped a bowl of baby food on the floor. Beth's laughter was music to everyone's ears. Emma loved to wash her and play with her in the sink, Puck would sing to her on the front porch and even Santana called her Little B. When Finn bounced her on his knee she looked even that much smaller compared to his lumpering form and the Latina made a comment that ogres can't eat babies, they really aren't the other white meat. Everyone laughed and Finn was getting used to being the punch line. Mercedes sang to her, Sam took her around the room like an airplane, set with his own sound effects and it was amazing. Cloud nine and Quinn was in a constant state of bliss. It helped that Rachel slept with her at night, half naked and telling her she was doing a great job as a mother, that she looked beautiful holding Beth and that she agreed with Brittany that she was a milf, except she said she was content to kiss her. Quinn blushed and drifted to sleep knowing Beth was in the crib Puck had stolen and put in his room. The crib in her room was obviously empty since the small brunette was in her room tonight. She hadn't been every night but it was very cold out.

The morning was good to them. The routine was embraced because it meant waking up and playing with Beth, reading to her and letting her choose which Dr. Seuss book that Rachel had stolen for the baby. When she knocked on Puck's room and didn't receive an answer that instant dread hit her and she walked like a hunter throughout the house.

She found him slowly pacing back and forth on the porch singing to her. It was a beautiful sight. Beth didn't look much like him until she held up her fists. Something he had taught her and was overjoyed with pride that she looked like a little boxer. His words. Tunning in and ignoring the background noise she didn't notice Rachel come to stand next to her. It wasn't like Puck and Quinn were playing family. They were a unit but there wasn't anything romantic involved, though Santana's remark from over a week ago had stung. The brunette simply didn't want to intrude. At times like these it was best to watch and take in how normal it was to see a dad sing to his daughter. A very quiet version of a Beatles song. Puck kept repeating-Is there anybody going to listen to my story? All about the girl who came to stay? She's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry. Still you don't regret a single day. Oh Girl. Girl.

Usually Artie was the go to Beatles guy, but Puck's version was perfect because it was to Beth. It was a lullaby to keep her asleep and everyone knew she loved his voice. Besides Quinn's it was the sound that calmed the baby.

The porch was quiet, the air was warm, and the sun was out. They were missing the picket white fence. The song kept going until something changed. Puck turned his back and took the bite, shielding Beth was the U.D. Quinn thought it had to be recently turned, there wasn't any smell. It had snuck up on them. An unknown face and ragged clothes that didn't hold that decaying smell. It was so quick and her brain wasn't taking it in. Puck handed Beth to her and moved away from them as the crooked teeth bit into his flesh again, through his dark grey shirt and making it look black when the blood seeped through. Quinn found it ironic that she was running on instinct considering they called U.D's-Instinctuals.

Rachel thought she was losing her mind. _Oh my god I'm a schitzophrenic. I'm hallicinating. I've lost it and this isn't happening. This can't be happening. Its a figment of my imagination. Just a figment. Just an overactive imagination..._

Somehow that was less disturbing than the reality of Puck being bitten in front of her, less than five feet away. His healthy body and strong shoulders being gripped by a human animal that was streaming blood onto the dying grass. As the dad twisted and turned to punch the zombie in the face again and again. They all knew he had nothing to lose. He could make body to body contact. It was over and final for him. Now he was just punching the U.D. with tears in his eyes. When all movement stopped he looked up and flitted his eyes from Beth and Quinn to Rachel. She wanted him to say something to Beth, something to Quinn, anything that would give them comfort. No one knew how long he would stay human. They had never watched someone turn and it made her feel sick. She looked to Quinn who seemed like she was on the verge of tears. His gaze unwavered, still lucid, in control, and save for the blood trailing down his left shoulder and bloody knuckles he looked the same-strong and certain with a don't argue with me attitude that came off him in waves that reached from over a hundred feet away. The distance that provided them safety as Puck stood alone on the open land. The words that came out of his mouth fit his stance.

"Kill me."

_Oh my god. _


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Makes sense to update a zombie story close to zombie Jesus day right? Often refered to as Easter. Also I was raised a catholic (might explain my dry sense of humor) but that wasn't meant to offend anyone. More importantly I'm going to emotionally manipulate people some more because its rather fun. And on a random bit my tattoo still hurts a week later, its like a deep tissue massage, why the hell would this one hurt more than the others no damn clue. Oh and love how the girls at Starbucks know me by name...that's a bit ridiculous. Not that it matters but as a warning there's more cursing in this chapter. And I wouldn't consider it M but its "intended for mature audiences". And many points to anyone who can get what Buffy quote I threw in.

* * *

><p>She had just changed her clothes from the slushie attack. It was only the first of the week and she was thankful as always to be so resourceful and keep extra clothing in her locker, buried neatly beneath her books. In the back of her mind she also had that change of clothes in case a zombie attack happened, but they didn't seem so scary. Lots of groaning and a lack of singing Thriller. Class was boring. Math was never her forte. She was going to be on broadway-why would she know math? At best she'd need a good eye for spacial recognition to avoid falling off the stage.<p>

It was the perfect opporunity to let her mind wander. She really needed to stop watching zombie movies with Finn. Falling asleep half way through each of his choices made her feel guilty, but not that much when she took in how little plot was involved. The makeup was often tacky and every story threw in a forced romance than never seemed about connecting.

Her pencil started tapping against the waxy pages of her textbook. Why did the textbooks always have a clinical smell to them? For a second she felt like she was in a Britney Spears video. And coincidently the bell rang. Everyone grabbed their books and bags, some taking out their phones to text between classes, but Rachel was taking her time. The less time in the hallways meant less opportunity to be slushied and closing that window time was something she had grown accustomed to. It didn't annoy her that she had to look up at almost everyone until someone tall managed to dump flavored ice on her because it didn't seem fair in those cases. She prefered to look her attacker in the face. Pick the person out from the crowd and look them in the eyes to make them know she wasn't a random person, she was in fact a person who had a mind, dreams that reached the heights of the Empire State building, and a voice that could fill a theater. Most importantly she was more than that. More than a voice, more than the goal of being a big star with fame and power, no matter how small she was.

Less than an hour ago when that crushed ice hit her face like a punch that seeped its way down to her neck and stained her clothes as a constant reminder that her peers viewed her as unequal and prey she would falter internally.

The warning bell signalled a minute to get to class and she didn't see it coming. The next slushie hit hard. Red, looking not like blood but of chemicals and not quiet like the cheerios red, but it did the trick. She inhaled sharply, jaw dropping and thought she might step back and hit her head against a locker where she would naturally crumble to the dirty floor and see gold stars like a damn looney toons character.

That wasn't what happened. It wasn't a dream. That slushie was the only thing that reminded her of high school to now. That bitter fucking cold shock.

Puck was standing in front of her with blood slowly dripping from his shoulder. It looked raw and Rachel looked away. She turned her head to the other side, away from Quinn and away from anyone that would make this harder. Goddamn it she didn't want to see anyone's facial expressions. They were safe, they had all been safe in the house. She had trained them and everyone had a weapon that had become proficient in, but how the hell did this happen?

She'd take slushies and crude comments and verbal abuse over this any day! Puck was less than three hundred feet away, hands clenched and eyes locked onto them. How were his words that were so few so harsh? They had propelled her back to high school where everything was easier. When they didn't carry around guns and weren't hardered. It was so subtle but she felt Quinn take a step away from her. It wasn't a creeking board on the porch, it hadn't been a sound, but she felt it, the loss of warmth that came with Quinn whenever they were a few feet from one another, even if they weren't touching.

Somehow she knew Quinn didn't want to be there but was making herself. She owed it to Puck right? He had gotten their daughter back. She had to be there. To be the one to end his life. She had the best shot. It made sense. But the former impassioned singer took a step away from the blonde and said in a tone that couldn't be argued with as it held a lingering plea, "Go inside." Even though she knew telling Quinn what to do was never wise and if they were in high school she could have bet she would have been slushie bombed to the point that she would lose count, but she didn't care. She was about to kill someone...

"Rachel..." Quinn said, unmoved from her spot but held Beth more securely.

"Don't let anyone come out," The brunette said as she brushed her hand against her thigh and felt the metal that was strapped in. The gun was often there and she wished she'd never have to use it. Her fathers had taken her to a shooting range numerous times, after all this was the midwest and some people were very redneck, but this was Puck. Someone with a face that she knew, not a black outline of a person with some borders. She closed her eyes and willed Quinn to leave. Beth would never remember this, but she knew her mother would and would likely grow to resent her. What choice did she have? It was the merciful thing to do and Rachel thought of Laura Marling's lyrics she had become addicted to. "Why fear death? Be scared of living. Our hearts are small and ever thinning."

When the door closed with its certain heaviness it seemed to echo. She breathed through her nose. Content that it was just the two of them. Three really...a corpse that someone would have to bury and Noah who looked at her with narrowed eyes. Why didn't he have fear? Why didn't he say anything else? Why did it have to happen? Why did any of it have to happen to them?

Her fingers brushed over the metal again. It felt like another appendage or more like a tumor that was attacked to her throughout most of the day. She remembered Noah teased her that it was just for looks to make her seem badass. The smirk that was on his lips had been welcoming and endearing.

The gun was solid. Always heavier than she expected and her forearm tendon strained as she raised it and let out a slow breath. Dying yellow grass would always remind her of this. She knew she would grow to hate this season. Dread it and treat it as a painful reminder. Her neck felt tense, like someone was wrapping their hand around it. Her eyes stung and vision almost blurred but she blinked the tears away. Noah wouldn't want tears and she knew that. Turning and squaring her shoulders she raised the gun at the needed level. Her back was already tense and the longest, most calming shower wasn't going to help release the knots forming. Everything was lined up. The black gun almost felt light now. In a bizarre way it was like the angel of death in the form of a tool and she squeezed her left hand around the bottom of her right, jaw tense, saliva forming in her mouth until all she saw was Noah's eyes. She looked up, only an inch above those eyes that didn't give away his internal struggle and pulled back on the trigger.

One bullet less in her chamber. One bullet that had found a home in someone she cared about. One less life.

Dropping her stance she refused to look at his slumped body and twisted limbs. She took in a chiselled breath and rubbed her eyes, distracting herself to not look, to avoid the images at all cost. The door opening made her clench her jaw. It was too soon to deal with anyone. She needed a moment to herself and she wasn't being a diva, she just needed a fucking moment.

"We can get him." The whisper came. Rachel knew the voice and it didn't provide her any comfort like usual. "We'll hold a service tonight," Quinn said, in planning mode already and Rachel thought it was the blonde's way of processing everything. Keep moving, keep going, not let it sink in until you go through the motions of common decency and then the grieving will start. Rachel only gave a terse nod. Her voice couldn't be trusted for the first time in her life and saliva was still pooling in the back of her throat. She needed to leave, she needed to get away and she did. As smoothly and quickly as her legs would allow she turned to the door and practically sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom where she threw up everything she ate once she kicked the door closed.

The sting and ripples to her stomach were the last push for the tears. Crying into the bowl made her feel slightly pathetic but she didn't care. One hand was clutched to the cold porcelain while her right hand fiercely still held onto the gun. She breathed through her nose shallow breaths that felt painful because she knew Puck wasn't breathing anymore; she had taken that luxery away from him. Her stomach clenched again and she aimed into the bowl, dry heaving and spitting up clear saliva. When that finally stopped after too many minutes that made her feel wrecked she scooted back and leaned against the wall. The sweat was forming near her hairline and if she felt compelled to stand and look in the mirror she'd sure a pale girl would look back at her. A stranger. Because never did she think she'd kill a friend. She rubbed at her eyes again and pushed any tears back with her left hand. It hurt to put that much pressure but it was a real pain that she could handle. Physical was easier to digest than emotional.

It took a few minutes of her sitting on the floor until she reached out a shaky hand and gribbed a cabinet for support. Pulling herself up she quickly glanced into the mirror and flinched. She was right, that was a stranger, a barely recognizable person. In the two seconds she took in brown eyes that were lifeless. Splashing water on her face she removed every trace of salt and toweled off. She had to flex her hand when she finally set the gun down. her knuckles popped and groaned at the new movement. When she picked it up again it was starting to feel weightless. This time she didn't look in the mirror. If it showed she looked better than she felt it was a lie and if it showed she looked like hell and had been dragged through the streets she still knew it would be a lie because she felt worse.

She grabbed a black jacket from her room and threw it on. Picking the gun back up again and squeezing the handle she felt the solidness and the weight of it but it was becoming more and more like an appendage. Smoothly going down the stairs and shielding her eyes from the rising sun with her left hand she looked out at the emptiness.

"Where are you going?" Quinn asked, looking her over. She didn't have her biting tone as she once had and Rachel was glad she didn't seem critical but she also didn't want someone to depend on her at the moment. Looking the blonde over she noticed aviators were in her v-neck tshirt. She reached out and took them, carefully avoided touching Quinn further than that. Really, she hadn't touched her at all except to steal something from the former cheerleader who almost smirked at her own thought that Rachel really was a klepto, but smirking or smiling felt entirely out of place at the moment. Instead hazel eyes focused on brown eyes that were gone in a flash as Rachel slipped on the sunglasses.

"Out." Rachel said concretly and Quinn was stunned how robotic she sounded. This was Rachel Berry. Rachel Barbara Berry who was obsessed with a certain Barbara Streisand; who expressed herself to such intense degrees when her emotions became too much, too big to contain. This wasn't Rachel Berry she knew. Quinn didn't have the chance to process beyond that. She wanted to hug the smaller girl. It was possible. Mercedes was looking after Beth for the time being and no one was on the porch with them. Everyone knew what had happened to Puck. That was abundantly clear when Rachel came downstairs and the banter came to a halt when she reached the ground floor.

She had to get out. How bizarre that she'd spent years trying to be friends with these people and now she needed to cut herself off and leave. Solitude wasn't safe but she craved it. It was harsh but she dismissed Quinn who looked at her with such ambivalence. And dare she think it-longing. Quinn never looked at anyone like that, she was a statue...except at night.

Crunching was heard as she walked off the porch and over the the side where they kept all the cars. The motorcycle seemed reckless and thrilling but Rachel knew it was too big for her and...fuck she was going to ask Noah to build her a smaller one or find her one and now...

Swallowing was becoming a struggle. Every emotion was building and she felt like a volcano. It felt too raw, like lava was stripping her vocal chords at the attempt to contain her emotions. Quickly she chose the beat up but fast volkswagon golf. Brittany had picked it out, saying it was cute. Its silver paint wasn't flashy and Rachel felt like it really suited her mood since it resembled the tin man and she was wondering if she had a heart. The keys were always on the seats of the cars they took in case they all needed to leave. The ignition was loud and the rumble cut through the air, masking the sound of Quinn calling out her name as she set her gun down on the seat, finally dropping it.

Punching in the drive...as best as she could punch it she accelerated and drove off their patch of land to the street. With the window rolled down she rested her elbow against the door and held her head in her hand. When the needle climbed to eighty she felt something. A slice of freedom. It wasn't a letting go, she didn't think she'd ever release everything she felt because it was too much to express, to offer the world. It was her burden. Though she didn't view it as a weight to bear, but she felt like Atlas's sister...if such a person existed. When the needle reached eighty-five she slowed down. She was far enough away from the house now, a good fifteen minutes out. How time flew when you were wrapped up in misery.

Not that she needed to but out of habit she pulled over to the side. She was wasting gas but she didn't care. It was the least of her priorities. Gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles turned red then white she screamed. Screamed like she had never before. Horror movie actresses couldn't compete with her. Her vocal chords strained and god damn it the tears started again when she realized she didn't care at all if her voice would be damaged. She kept screaming. Their bubble ruptured in such a way that she felt sick and she didn't know who she was anymore. Rachel Berry-singer? No. Rachel Berry-leader? No. Rachel Berry-girlfriend? No. Rachel Berry-murderer? Maybe.

The screaming alerted nearby U.D's. She was too stuck in her head to notice until a dragging sound was heard. A chain was wrapped around an Instinctual's leg, its ankle twisted and advancing on her like a disgusting swamp monster. The chain only added to it since it looked like seaweed. Or maybe it was the green, tattered clothes the guy wore. Rachel couldn't decide and again she simply didn't fucking care. She grasped her gun and practically kicked the door open. Getting out and squaring her shoulders again she quickly set up the shot and pulled the trigger. A hundred feet behind that one was another U.D and before the chained man completely fell to the ground she put another bullet in the next one. _Wam Bam-thank you Ma'am_. She hated that expression Artie had used but she almost allowed herself to smirk at the thought.

To her left was a groan. The smallest sounds were like alarm clocks, tells that she should gear up and go. A woman in a floral print dress with one sandle missing was advancing on her sooner than the rest. Rachel waited until the U.D got seven feet away, swing her right arm around, dropped her left, rolled her shoulders and pulled the trigger again. Brain matter projected several feet behind the unlucky woman and she fell in a wet sounding lump. The level of disturbance was increasing. It was so simple to aim, point, and shoot. No wonder she thought the army was creepy. Building soldiers to kill. Hadn't she done that with her friends though? No no...she rationalized war was about money and politics, this was about survival.

A minute passed of quiet, painful silence that made Rachel all too aware of her breathing. The fact that she was breathing and so many others were was overwhelming. She wasn't the type to have a panic attack but she felt one building and she needed another distraction. Thankfully some higher power wasn't to amuse her and three U.D's strolled towards her from her right. They were in a diagonal formation, likely not intended but it reminded her of bowling pins. Oh the time when a pink ball and the possibility of diseases in the holes were her biggest concerns.

She squared her shoulders again and let the last one have a bullet. It was the fastest goodbye she could give them, sealed with a fuck you, if she ever voiced her desire to curse but wasn't one for profanity. Lately she was thinking it more and more. The second one went down and now she wasn't seeing their faces, just foreheads to aim at. It was almost becoming a game. See how close she could get them until that deep self preservation made her pull the trigger. Only this time when she pulled the trigger nothing came. Nothing. Empty. She didn't have a weapon. She was practically naked and her eyes widened feeling too exposed even though she was three feet away from the car and a quick drive back to the house. It would even be possible to run this Instrinctual over so he wouldn't follow her back to the base. Taking a step to the car she noticed it was the wrong move because he moved closer in a dash. She hadn't seen an Instinctual move that quickly, which meant he had been turned not too long and was still limber. Why hadn't she noted that he didn't move like wooden boards? Was she assuming too much? Had she overestimated? Quickly she slid into the seat and manually rolled up the window. The muscles in her forearm slightly bulging as she cut off any way for the U.D to get closer to her...unless he smashed the window...cut himself in the process and bled on her then it would be over.

The arrow that went through the side of his head and logged in his temple made a thunk sound and Rachel heard it through the closed door. Lifeless eyes stayed open but unforcused as the body slid to the street.

An arrow...

She looked around, eyes scanning the distance and checked the rearview mirror. A black pt cruiser was behind her that wasn't there before but there wasn't anyone inside. If she had any nerves left and was capable of being alarm she would have jumped when she heard a light tapping at the passenger window. When Rachel didn't make a move to reach over and try to roll down the window a pale arm pulled the door open and stuck her head in. The brunette clenched her jaw. This was her time, her space and she may be acting like a diva to a small degree, but she wanted to be alone. She focused ahead and felt eyes on her but tried to ignore them. For a minute they were at an impasse. The silence wasn't calming and wasn't at all like how it felt when they laid in bed together as Quinn gently glinded her hands up and down her spin. When it became too much Rachel clenched the steering wheel and asked in a grave tone to the dashboard, "What are you doing?"

"Playing soccer." The dry, sarcastic reply came back immediately and Rachel dropped her eyes down to her lap. The animosity she expected wasn't there. Quinn was far from playful in her tone but she wasn't attacking her or calling her a cold hearted murderer like she expected. She had just killed Beth's father...

"What are you doing?" Quinn asked after another minute of silence but felt that Rachel deserved someone to ask her how she was even though she hadn't voiced those words.

"Contemplating." Rachel whispered and the blonde found it depressing how stripped and raw she sounded.

"Do you want to come back to the house and talk about it?" She said softly, as though pushing Rachel would break her. In her more immature days she had attacked Rachel with the intent of taking her down and tearing her apart, but this Rachel was like a leaf that could get shreaded if a wind hit it.

The slightest shrug Rachel offered didn't say anything. The girl was falling into herself, getting buried in her thoughts and a part of Quinn wanted to take the brunette and lock them in her room and tell her things that should have been said for days now. Of course she heard a sound behind her and pivoted in time to take an arrow from her pack and set it into the bow. A quick release and the Instinctual was down. Turning back to Rachel and dipping her head into the car again she willed herself to find the right words.

"Come back the the house. The funeral won't be until tomorrow. Everyone wants to prepare for it...you can meet me in my room. Mercedes has Beth tonight." Quinn said in a way that was emotionally unattached. To Rachel it seemed that way but she didn't know that after years of practice Quinn was able to appear calm and cool. The brunette gave the smallest nod and heard Quinn shut the door. She watched her walk away in the rearview mirror, graceful, fluid steps that seemed certain as that life saving bow was held in her hand like a gun. To Quinn her bow was like Rachel's gun and the brunette knew that but watching Quinn get into the black car and wait for her to drive away first hit her that someone had come looking for her, someone in the form of an ex cheerleader with a previously well hidden caring streak was following her back to the house.

What to say to Quinn? I'm sorry wouldn't be enough. When she got to the house she went straight to her room and avoided everyone. Her classmates seemed to sense Rachel's intense desire to be alone so they didn't try to talk to her. Quinn came in next and met the nervous and sad eyes of everyone who seemed to be nonverbally begging the question can we talk to her now? The blonde shook her head to the room and went up to her bedroom.

It was hours until the house had quited down into its lull of soft singing that now came at night with Beth in the house. Mercedes's soulful singing was floating through the air until it stopped. Quinn missed the girl's singing. This was still beautiful but when the self proclaimed diva belted it her talent was jaw dropping. The same applied to Rachel, who she hadn't heard in weeks. It was like the tiny singer was denying herself. The pleasure and joy Rachel had from singing...that high and smile and pure emotion was gone and now this was this shell of a person. Her thoughts stopped when her door opened and Rachel stepped in, shutting the door quietly to not disturb the very silent house. The darkness covered Rachel's facial expressions but Quinn knew she had been crying. The sadness was emminating out of her. The brunette stayed with her back against the door, not daring to move towards the bed yet.

"Rachel..." Quinn started but didn't know what to say beyond that.

"You know you never really called me by my first name until all this happened..." The smaller girl trailed off, not needing to state what this was. The chaos, the hell, and purgatory on earth. Her voice was so metalic that Quinn nearly flinched. There weren't any emotions to Rachel. Pulling back to covers Quinn slowly got out of bed and moved to stand in front of the ex singer. Without hesitancy and with such care she held the smaller girl's hand and gently pulled her to the bed but made the point to sit on the edge of the bed as Rachel stood. She couldn't have done what Rachel did today and she never wanted to have to. It was horrible and that was understating it. Rachel deserved someone to support her and help her process it rather than look down on her or condescend as though they knew how she felt because that would have been the biggest pile of bullshit anyone had seen in weeks.

No, she was content to look up at Rachel and hold her waist. She pulled her in closer so her lips were touching her thin sweater. It may have been absurd that the brunette didn't wear thicker clothes at night but with Quinn who was practically a heater she didn't need to. Half the time she would have to take her shirt off and be half naked with the blonde softly curled around her and pink lips against the back of her neck.

"Are you ready to talk?" Quinn asked in a whisper that wasn't a push or a command but with a tone that said I want to listen, let me listen. Instead she felt small hands work her way into her hair and massage the back of her neck.

"I don't want to talk," Rachel whispered back and moved closer until she was straddling the blonde. It was a graceful moment and Quinn's breath caught as Rachel leaned down and kissed her, taking control and kissing as though she needed to. Pale hands came around a small back and held her steady but Quinn felt Rachel shift again and drop her arms to her own torso. When she pulled up and the sweater came off the blonde swallowed. Rachel had been half naked in her bed before, this wasn't new, but it was still shocking. The brunette's breasts were never in her face and her back was always turned to her. That one time when Rachel had told Quinn to touch her the former cheerleader was close to having a heart attack when the now bare breasts had been covered by a bra. Quinn closed her eyes to collect herself. This wasn't a hundred percent right. Rachel needed to talk and this was a distraction. They both knew it, but could the distraction help Rachel?

Hazel eyes opened to meet black eyes. She missed the brown. When it was this dark Rachel's eyes seemed black. Still beautiful, but Quinn wanted to see Rachel. God help her she knew Rachel was going to walk out of the room, grab her sweater from the floor and never come back but she needed to do this.

"Hold on." She said quietly and pulled Rachel closer to her, stomach meeting stomach until she smoothly flipped them over. A glare appeared on Rachel's features, clearly annoyed that her position had been changed but Quinn bent down and kissed her cheek, tasting the salt there and the tell that the ex singer had been crying. Removing herself from the smaller girl she moved to the side of her bed and pulled out the drawer of the table and grabbed a lighter. Palming a candle the tilted it to get to the wick and flicked the metal roll. The clicking and breathing were the only sounds in the room as Quinn lit the few candles she had in her room. Gently placing the lighter back in, feeling that an abrubt sound sound tarnish what was building Quinn slid back into bed and laid on her back. She glanced at Rachel who had closed her eyes and kept clenching her jaw.

The soft light made the haunted girl look that much more depressing and that much more beautiful. Beautifully depressing. Again a pale hand reached out and this time swept across Rachel's flat stomach who released a small hum. Then to her hip where her thumb drew small circles until she pulled the brunette closer and back into her lap. The smaller woman's eyes finally opened when she was settled back on top of Quinn and the blonde was happy to see brown again. She swallowed, knowing she needed to voice something that was incredibly important. For a minute they looked at one another and both wondered if these pregnant pauses were going to be part of their dynamic. If touches were going to convey more than words ever could as Quinn brought her hand up and let her thumb brush across her tan cheek.

"Do you want to do this? We don't have to and I don't know how...healthy this is going to be in the long run...and I don't really know what I'm doing here..." she whispered and raised her eyebrows slightly at the world here which encompassed their positions and the fact that Rachel had said they weren't going to talk but find other ways to connect.

"If you take off your shirt I want to do this," Rachel said almost clinically. Quinn couldn't stop the frown at how impersonal she sounded. For a second she felt like a convenience for the now stoic woman but she somehow knew Rachel wanted to feel less exposed and balance would be appreciated. It felt out of character, but this world was changing them and Quinn felt the desire to comply, to make Rachel feel good on some level, but she also wanted words. She'd read enough poetry to know that words could alter the world.

"I...I will but I need to know," she paused and swallowed, annoying at how unsuave that was. "Why are you with me?"

Calm and waiting golden eyes looked up at her. To Rachel they looked like flecks of gold were taking over the green in the candlelight. If the ex singer took the moment to think if all through she would have felt the layers. How she wasn't Lucy, she was Quinn, just a girl who was being romantic and considerate. A girl who wanted a form of light on, to actually see her and take in ever facial expression. But she was overthinking and instead of voicing her thought- I need you, she settled for a half truth and said with emotion for the first time half the day, "I need this." The blonde nodded and Rachel took that as the go ahead. She needed it and she wanted the control.

Reaching down she trailed her hands from Quinn's shoulders to her hips where she slipped her hands under the shirt and slowly removed it. It wouldn't be right if it was done in haste and rushed. They had hours, time was on their side and Rachel was thrilled that Quinn who seemed the type to always be in control was giving it up. Rachel kissed her harder but with growing passion after the blonde raised her arms and let the shirt fall to the floor. Warm hands were holding onto her back again and Rachel released a small gasp when Quinn shifted and placed her lips on her neck, lightly kissing a trail down to her chest where she let her lips linger over her heart as she pulled her closer. Tan arms wrapped around pale, soft shoulders and held her head there as if saying please, please keep doing that.

Quinn was more than fine just kissing near Rachel's collar bones and above where her beating heart was. She was alive and that was the most important thing. The shell of a person was starting to fill up and Rachel breathed deeper and moaned softly. A small hand twisted around to her own and she felt Rachel move her hand to rest near her ribs, giving the go ahead to inch upward. The blonde was in tactile bliss. Rachel was soft. The softest person she had ever kissed and she felt conflicted. She was familiar with kissing this girl but she was asking for more and that was unsolid ground, it was unknown and Quinn Fabray didn't do anything unless she was really good at it. But she had a feeling she'd have to learn Rachel and read her like one of her books, again and again and find the beauty in it.

Because Rachel was beautiful. And before she could stop her thoughts she ended a kiss to the delicate spot below her collar bone, looked up at this girl who made her depressed that she hadn't heard her sing in weeks and seemed so fragile, so small and pulled her closer still with an arm around her waist in a protective hold. She knew it was futile, just hours ago she had seen Rachel wheld a gun that made her look the epitome of lethal, and the contrasting images didn't match up as she considered that she was being used to their leader could relax, but she said it anyway.

"You're beautiful."

Lips crashed against her again and Quinn's lungs were aching after a moment. Rachel pulled back and locked her eyes with hers in a challenge. Follow my lead her eyes conveyed and softened when she gave the sneakiest smirk that quickly vanished when she made the blonde's hand rest on her breast. Quinn's fingertips grazed Rachel's left collar bone and her palm felt something like a tickle from the nipple that was rubbing against it with Rachel's labored breathing.

"More, Lucy." Rachel said with a soft command and Quinn thought she was starting to sound more like the girl she knew. She gave the smallest squeeze, a barely there gesture but brought her fingers down to roll the brunette's nipple and slowly move her thumb back and forth over it. She watched as the brunette bit her lip at the simple gesture. It still felt incredibly innocent and Quinn wanted it to stay that way for a while. Teasing was something she was good at and that felt familiar to her. Her mind caught up and told her she could do this. Frustrating Rachel was something she had grown to enjoy over the past few weeks. Being cheeky with her and seeing how far she could go until Rachel would make an excuse and say she had to check on something always amused her. It was part of their routine. And when Quinn kissed the side of her body and tasted the skin near Rachel's ribs she smiled at how the brunette squirmed and knew a laugh was building in the back of the ex singer's throat. That was a tickle spot. Quinn was golden. When she pinched the aroused nipple she heard the would be laughter turn into a moan. Shifting her hands she did the same to Rachel's left side but nipped at the skin and smoothed her tongue over the brief amount of pain she had inflicted. It wasn't intense. She could do playful, but she could never physically hurt Rachel, not when they were like this.

"Since when can't you take instruction?" Rachel said with hands weaving into blonde hair and tugging. Quinn only mmmm'ed back and Rachel groaned back. "Lucy." She said louder.

"If you let me do what I'm good at then you'd enjoy it and THEN I'll take your direction." Quinn said lifting her head and then went back to kissing the available skin. Her lips went from her sternum to her chest and Rachel wanted to take the blonde's head and make her mouth go to her breasts already. The second the archer stopped Rachel was ready to voice her opinion on how much of pain Lucy was being but her mouth fell open in a moan when nails scratched down her spin and a release of pleasure went through her. With her head tossed back she didn't notice Quinn lick two of her own fingertips until she felt wetness and a tweak to her right nipple. A shuddering moan was heard in the room. Quinn wanted to hear it again. Pinching another time Quinn kissed Rachel and swallowed the more enthusiatic moan to not wake the house. A smirk was on her face when she pulled back and Rachel's eyes looked unfocused.

"Why haven't we done this before?" Rachel questioned in a breathy voice that the blonde was liking immensely because she did that. Again Rachel with her questions. Quinn shrugged, unsure herself and briefly considered that Rachel was oddly enough the one to control much of what they did. Rachel was squirming in her lap and Quinn felt like rewarding her for lasting this long and not protesting or lecturing her. She couldn't imagine a sex lecture for the tiny brunette but anything was possible when it came to this girl. With a smirk she moved her head from her neck and brought her lips down to a peaked nipple. Taking the bud into her mouth she rolled her tongue and didn't stop to think about how she was experiencing foreplay with a girl. Rachel's moans were the only thing musical the former singer was expressing and if it was the closest thing she was going to get she was going to make sure she kept Rachel doing that.

"Oh my god." Rachel whispered and Quinn part of her body clench at how wanton Rachel sounded and how turned on. The girl who used to dress similar to a librarian or Catholic school girl was into this. When Quinn moved her lips to the neglected breast and swirled the tip of her tongue around the nipple for the sake of teasing she felt Rachel pull demandingly at her hair. And she felt wanted. Quinn felt needed and wanted without any pressure. Rachel wasn't going to judge her and if there was something she wanted she was going to show her. The archer was thankful for that because that took some pressure off as well and she had to respect the brunette for being certain in what she wanted and the type to go and get it.

She didn't know how long she was focused on Rachel's breasts and she really didn't care to keep track. They were really nice. Perfect maybe. Not that she had anything to compare them to but her own, but they were very soft and Rachel still tasted sweet even as she felt the brunette warm up and lightly begin to sweat. She could feel it on her spine, the barely amount, but the texture was amazing. It had to have been over five minutes of kissing and suckling Rachel. She almost blushed when she realized what she was doing but Rachel's moans were wonderful and prompted her to keep going.

A hand took her wrist that was holding onto her side and brought it to her lower stomach. Fingertips were splayed out and ready to dip down and into the small shorts that Rachel was wearing but Quinn halted and moaned a Mmmm. Instead she circled her hand back to the hip and bit the inside of her lip when Rachel groaned in annoyance. She never said Rachel would have all the control, but her hand continued and pushed down, past the material and cupped Rachel's cheek.

_Go freaking figure_, she thought, _that Rachel would have a great butt_. When the girl wore jeans it was really obvious but seeing and touching were entirely different. She moaned at the feel and Rachel moaned as well, the sounds wrapping together like a duet.

Rachel fell on top of her at the pull and gasped when their bare breasts touched. Quinn didn't remove her hand but brought her left hand down to a small hip and pulled her closer so they were more eye level. Dark hair fell over Rachel's face and Quinn's left hand came up to brush it back and tuck it behind her ear, allowing her to see the small smile that formed on Rachel's lips.

"Did I ever tell you that you're a great kisser?" Rachel asked and glanced to pink lips.

"You and your questions." The blonde replied with a smile that made her statement lighter.

"You don't know how to accept a compliment." Rachel said with narrowed eyes. "Fine, but I'll enjoy the benefits." She said with a smirk and leaned down to kiss the taller girl who was kind enough to make sure they were at the same height. Rachel didn't even mind when her other butt cheek was given a squeeze after both hands found their way under her shorts. She didn't know what Quinn's type was and had never put in the thought because Quinn Fabray kissing her when they're both half naked was out of this world. Literally wrapping your head around it was like believing in every notion that was in the sci-fi genre. Again the blonde shifted and instead of being naturally curious what she was doing Rachel chose not to care. So far everything the taller girl was doing was amazing and she didn't mind not controlling ever aspect.

A muscular thigh was moved between Rachel's and met at her apex while Quinn pulled her closer. The pressure was amazing and Rachel hotly whispered into the blonde's ear, "Oh holy Moses." Quinn didn't stop the laugh, she couldn't if she tried and if her life depended on it. She didn't want to seem like she was mocking Rachel and make her feel like her reactions weren't beautiful, but she laughed and squeezed at the smaller girl's ass again while she pushed her thigh upwards, creating a gentle friction.

"You probably shouldn't say a guy's name in my bed." The bottom girl replied and kissed near Rachel's jaw that had gone slack after she shifted her hip.

"I'll make a mental note." Rachel offered quickly and bit her lip again. "Keep going," she demanded but didn't have as much command as before. This time Quinn removed her hands and placed them firmly on her hips so she could move Rachel exactly when she wanted her. It was incredibly helpful that the brunette was so tiny and fit with her to the point that when her thigh moved in synch with Rachel's hips that she kept moving up and down, pressing her against herself, it felt like a key sliding into a lock.

Time wasn't important, it wasn't on her mind and both were unaware they spent nearly ten minutes moving against one another, building and building and kissing to contain moans and mask the sounds of pleasure. Finally Rachel whispered harshly, "Stop." Quinn became a rock and Rachel was almost scared she had turned her to stone or pretrified her. But looking down she noticed the ex cheerleader's breathing was ragged and she felt a little impressed with herself knowing how in shape the girl beneath her was. For a second she thought it didn't matter that she was laying on Quinn because the blonde was very much a top. She should have expected that, it seemed to go along with her personality, but Rachel wanted to switch it up. Bringing her palms up and pressing into creamy white shoulders she moved her hands to the sides of Quinn's head and lifted herself up so she was looking down at hazel eyes. For a few seconds hazel eyes looked worried as though she had done something wrong but Rachel only sat up more swiftly moved to her back where she quickly removed her shorts. It happened in less than five seconds and Quinn's brain wasn't catching up until she felt Rachel's light weight straddle her again.

"Resume." Rachel smirked down at her and only grew when golden eyes widened. She watched as the blonde's hand twitched against the matress, unsure of what to do. Slowly she took her left hand and glided it from her stomach to her breast again. That seemed to get the supposedly smart girl's mind going again.

_Didn't she get into Yale_? Rachel thought and bit her bottom lip. An act that Quinn was starting to adore.

"You're naked...you're very naked." Quinn said in awe. This was it. Rachel was with her and she looked stunning and breakable and beautiful and a lot of other things that weren't coming to mind because words couldn't prepare her for this.

"Well done, Watson," Rachel said playfully.

"Male names in my bed. Not allowed," the cheeky blonde said and empasized her point with a love bit to a bare hip bone to nonverbally reiterate her statement. Rather than continue their banter Rachel took the free right hand and moved it from her own hip to lower and lower and...

Thank god this was with Lucy because she felt so raw and vulnerable, even as she was looking down at the person who was cupping her and moving fingertips so gently over her as she thumbed her nipple.

"Continue, Lucy." God that demanding tone was starting to be a turn on and Quinn felt it in her core, in her chest when it tightened as Rachel took her hand and bent her ring and pinky finger to her palm. The squeeze to her wrist was a nonverbal tell of go slow. Quinn's jaw dropped. This was real. She was feeling this, the emotions, the weight of Rachel, the wetness.

She groaned and Rachel swallowed the sound when she bent down to kiss her. Tan forearms were pressing into her shoulders, raising herself so Quinn could fit her hand between them better and slowly moved down, breathing in deeply as the blonde hesitantly filled her. At the feeling she wanted to sob at how right it felt, how much she needed it and wanted this. Her body stopped moving, too overwhelmed, and she bit her lip for an entirely different reason when Quinn began to rub her lower back and whisper in her ear, "Its okay, I've got you."

She paused and breathed deeper to suppress any tears. "You're beautiful. I'm not going to move, okay? We can stop." At that Rachel heard the strain. She knew the blonde would stop if she asked, but the realization that she was turning Quinn Fabray on was a turn on in itself. For a solid thirty seconds she wondered if Quinn was being so considerate because her first time wasn't like this, something soft and reassuring, fun, emotional, and beautiful. She knew Quinn hadn't slept with anyone else after having Beth and this had to be overwhelming for her.

A lingering kiss was given to a pale cheek and Rachel took the time to dip her head down and breath in the scent near Quinn's neck. When she let her back relax and moved further onto Quinn she heard the blonde moan and herself gasp when she felt her muscles clench around Quinn. Both knew Rachel was practically pulling her in and holding her there. She gasped again when she lifted her hips slightly and experimentally brought them slowly down again.

Quinn looked up at Rachel as the ex singer rode her fingers. "Do you...have any idea how beautiful you are?" The blonde asked with a pause as she looked at Rachel, saw her pulse jump in her neck and brown eyes become blown. Rachel fleetingly thought that instead of flat out telling one another how they felt they were going to get in the habit of asking questions. She raked her nails over a pale shoulder and felt Quinn's right hand twitch a little and move into her. The groan was visceral and deep and Rachel wanted to feel it again. The reciprication was intoxicating when Quinn touched her back and was engaged and gave as much as Rachel was taking. A shaky hand was pressed under Quinn's chin and she was forced to look up and end her kisses to Rachel's chest.

"Make me forget." Rachel pleaded and held the prettiest face she had seen in her hand. Her index finger rested near the top of Quinn's elfish ear, her palm holding her strong chin, and her thumb running over her smooth cheek. The blonde took in a steady breath and held it. Their playful tone was a rouse and they knew it. Such few words and Rachel brought the seriousness back, the full weight of it because there was a purpose to their touches. Their world was going to change. Again.

For better or for worse?


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: An astute reviewer pointed out this story is barely about zombies. Correct. Its not really horror, its meant to be emotional. But here's a more zombie themed chapter. And be prepared its a little more...disturbing than other chapters. And I think its a little ridiculous that the Starbucks employees give me half off coffee because I'm there so often. But a plus! And now I'm wired. Its taken days of working on this and I would prefer reading more Elie Wiesel but an update seemed due. Lastly-LOVE that I write lines at work. Who works at work anymore? Its amusing that a scene in this chapter seems to be taken out of Crazy Stupid Love.

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><p>"We are awakened with the ax. Night of the living dead at last. They have begun to shake the dirt, whiping their shoulders from the earth. I know, I know the nations past. I know, I know they rust at last. They tremble with the nervous thought of having been, at last, forgot...Waking the earth, it lifts and lags. We see a thousand rooms to rest. Helping us taste the bite of earth. I know, I know my time has passed. I'm not so young, I'm not so fast. I tremble with nervous thought."<p>

She needed to stop listening to Quinn's ipod, it was incredibly depressing. Then again she felt thankful that it wasn't dead yet, still holding on, giving her that escape. Music was once the cure, but she needed to choose another song. How did she feel so empty when her head felt so heavy? Her heart wanted to call it quits. Emotions were not for the faint of heart.

"They are night zombies! They are neighbors! They have come back from the dead! Ahh!" by Sufjan Stevens wasn't the best decision she'd made in a while, she knew, but she was curious. And now she felt like a dead cat. If the music wasn't depressing enough, the parts she was listening too, the times she wasn't focused she realized she left Quinn in her bed and hadn't stayed. She hadn't stayed. And she wondered if she was so incapable of loving, that she didn't let someone, she pushed them away and always had a distance.

And the funeral was today. The funeral. She noticed that was another song on the ipod by Band of Horses but she didn't want music to reflect life so much. Art imitated life or was it the other way around?

A faint knock was at the door. She ignored it because no one came to her door unless they wanted something and she didn't want to be thrust into responsibilities so soon. Her bed was annoyingly hard, but she tried to get comfortable, knowing it would be futile anyway. The knock persisted, this time louder. Rolling back over to face the door she took the earphones out and decided it was for the best. Ignoring reality wasn't her forte, she attacked life head on...at least she used to.

"Come in," she said and had to clear her throat at how hoarse it was. A messy but cute blonde head slowly popped in, took a step into the room and gently shut the door. This was strange, Quinn in her room. She looked the girl over. Rigid and intense. Rachel flinched and knew this stiff version of the blonde was her doing. It was harsh to leave her in a cold bed, not stay and kiss her in the morning and tell her she was beautiful as she had wanted.

Hazel eyes were searching her and she looked more conflicted than ever, but their eyes didn't waver. Rachel wondered if everyone else in the house had a clue they were together...they stared at each other enough and Brittany and Santana had picked up on it. But in the daylight Quinn was always more reserved. To the point that she came off cold. The feeling of an implosion was settling over her because Quinn wouldn't yell. She would find some other means to twist a knife into her to and Rachel knew she'd take it because it would be the typical reaction to being hurt. No one pushed Quinn away or denied her in back in the day without dealing with the backlash.

Pale arms crossed over a small chest and Quinn leaned against the wall, still intent on looking at brown eyes, surveying her, clearly undecided on what to do. "Can I help you Quinn?" Rachel asked politely because when in doubt be hospitable though it sounded hollow. Rachel almost flinched at the classic eyebrow raise that Quinn gave to her poised question. She didn't have energy. There was too much to do today and so she couldn't really help how her statement was delivered flatly.

"The funeral is at 4. We're going to meet in the backyard." Quinn said after a frown that didn't vanish as she spoke. The plans were made and she wasn't the one who created them. For once she was glad she wasn't in control. If Quinn was the one who was the planner she didn't voice it. Hazel eyes darkened and Rachel was close to being shocked how professional the blonde sounded, but then again she had set the platform and Quinn was only following her lead in a way. The brunette nodded and removed herself from her bed so she was standing. But as always, having to look up at Quinn...unless she was in her lap.

"I'll see you then," she dismissed as she moved to her dresser and pulled out a drawer. The wood groaned in the process and Rachel closed her eyes, knowing Quinn hadn't left the room at the rude brush off.

"Do you want to do something after..." The blonde asked to Rachel's back.

"I don't think so. I doubt we'll be in the mood to..." she trailed off. She had just had sex with Quinn but she wasn't ready to jump into bed with her. It was wonderful and more than she expected but she was overwhelmed. Simple as that.

"That's not what I meant. Rachel...I'm trying here." She said with exasperation. The tinier leader turned around and took in the blonde's body language. Of course it said the exact opposite, arms still crossed, and Rachel was struck how complicated this girl was. Woman. She was a woman. But she was someone who she could hurt. And Quinn didn't deserve that. Even after everything. The world was troubled enough without adding more emotional grief and drama to it.

"I'm busy." And this was one of the worst things she had to watch. Quinn looking as though she was just slapped across the face. The flinch was there and the barely there shake of her head as though she were trying to clear it was the most expression the blonde was going to offer but it said enough.

"I'll see you at 4." The cold monotone was said to the room. It wasn't said to Rachel. Quinn was already turned away and half way out the door while Rachel wanted to say I'm sorry but wouldn't let herself. It was for their own good. Maybe they could go back to just sleeping together at night, without sex or kissing. She could try to compromise.

Swift legs were moving through the house. Fuck it. She tried and what happened? She was proven that she wasn't enough. That she shouldn't have put her neck out and tried to connect. Was Rachel an emotional vampire? Rachel had said in a self description she was a selfish girl, but was the past tense fitting? Had Rachel evolved or was she trying to persuade herself that she could use Quinn and be okay with it?

It was easier to stay alone and focused on Beth, that was her job, protect Beth. Being a spinster wouldn't be so hard and she could do that. Reaching her room she paced and breathed through her nose. She wanted to destroy something so she would have to wait a few minutes to cool down because she didn't want to scare her daughter. When the anger vaguely lessened she kicked off her shoes and grabbed her combat boots. The scarf was next with her bow and arrows. It was quick, with anger sparking her energy and she was going to need it because she had a plan. Ruin something and make someone feel as bad as she did. That was how she worked, right? Tear someone down and make them on your level. She had tried to do it for years to Rachel and now when she tried to be nice and better she was rejected.

"How's my favorite person?" Rachel cooed to Beth who smiled up at her. Quinn was in another world. This Rachel was enthusiatic and had a smile on her face, bigger than her daughter's who was looking at Rachel in awe and joy. She cleared her throat and watched the tiny brunette swirl around and look her up and down. Yeah, she looked tough, she looked good, but she didn't want Rachel's hungry eyes looking at her. Was she being reduced to meat? For a second the feeling passed through her and she almost laughed considering Rachel was a vegetarian and wouldn't eat meat, but when Rachel didn't guard her expression and seemed to blatantly check her out the anger only increased. What right did Rachel have? Nada. Zip. None. Freaking zilch! And so she turned away and clenched her jaw rather than cause a scene.

The two second glance in the mirror showed that her eyes were darkening and when she stood in the living room with Rachel showering Beth with attention and praise she felt like she was still asleep. Rachel had said Beth was her favorite person. Was that fair? Somehow it seemed twisted that she would be denied, but her daughter would be easily loved. After all she helped make Beth. She shook her head because that wasn't very rational. They were seperate people, but Beth was the closest person she had to a family. The only thing she felt was ambivalence. Its was great Rachel liked her daughter, but when it was just the two of them Rachel turned somber and withdrawn. Incredibly out of reach. This Rachel seemed warmer and more alive. Quinn didn't know there were varying staged and levels of living until then.

"Where you off to Katniss?" Santana asked with a smirk.

"That's Quinn, San." Brittany said a second later and looked down at her girlfriend with confusion but continued stroking Santana's hair that was in her lap. Quinn chose not to roll her eyes at the literary reference and moved to the medium sized table that held numerous guns laid out, ready to be chosen, practically glistening in the morning light. Picking up a gun she felt the weight and was confident with it. It didn't matter that wasn't going to be the best shot, it would do the trick. She grabbed a houlder and wrapped it around her thigh, almost grumbled to herself that her dancer legs weren't ever going to go away if the tight straps were any indication. Sliding the gun in she picked up a larger, black gun and turned it this way and that, liking the feel of this one more. With these new "toys" she was able to ignore everyone and more importantly the feel of Rachel's eyes on her.

"Q?" Santana tried again only to be ignored. "Supergirl. Focus." The Latina said louder.

"Is Quinn a super hero?" Brittany asked with a tilt to her head. "She looks hot, I can see it. But she needs a cape." That was the closest comment that got a reaction from Quinn who had her back faced to everyone. They missed the muscle twitch in her cheek as she repressed the smile.

Finally she turned around and rather than focus on Rachel, as the two girls on the couch expected she only had eyes for Beth. Quinn walked over with confidence and spoke in a soft, but strong tone.

"See you later baby," and bent down to kiss the top of her head. Beth always calmed her, but her jaw clenched when she straightened and went outside to the pt cruiser she had picked out. When the engine rumbled after she turned the key she missed Santana screaming at Rachel.

"The hell did you do, Berry?"

The drive was fast. Police weren't an issue so she got a thrill from going ninety miles per hour. She stopped at a ninety-nine and didn't dare go past a hundred. Somehow that felt like pushing it. Beth was counting on her. It would be ridiculous to live through a zombie world only to have a car accident be her demise. She slowed to 80 and gripped the wheel harder. Hopefully her plan was still there. God knew she had enough ammunition to take out twenty zombies easy. Guns were always under the seats and a grenade in the glove box. There were never gloves in glove boxes and she had to smirk at that.

Turning the corner, feeling as though time had sped up after the twenty minute drive seemed ten minutes she got out of the car and tossed the keys on the seat. Cracking her neck by moving her head back and forth she looked out over the littered street and focused her eyes on brown ones.

This was it. Chains around a body, long hair, pale skin, and the whites of eyes that had become grey. Shelby had seen better days. The woman was once beautiful, she was a tell of what Rachel would look like if Shelby wasn't an Instinctual who was waiting patiently against the pole. After weeks of being contained she had likely given up the struggle and resigned herself to standing, having no other choice. Now she wasn't human. And this was also a warning of who Rachel could become. A glimpse through a looking glass of one of her fears. A painful reflection of a possible outcome should Rachel lose her humanity. But was humanity lost? Not really. These U.D's didn't have a choice. Their humanity was taken from them-stolen from them and changed them. Rachel had changed enough.

And here was Shelby. This woman looked so much like her that it was disturbing. And it was perfect, she could take her anger out on someone who looked like the tiny brunette but wasn't really her. Though the blonde knew she was still a large part of Rachel, even if she wasn't present in the girl's life. Quinn moved forward, gun in hand and back straight. Older eyes watched her and didn't move to bite or attack. For a second the blonde thought the woman was dead, really dead, not reanimated, but didn't have anything in her, until light brown eyes locked onto hers. They had been darker, but the grey was giving them a dull look. Quinn narrowed her eyes.

"I have Beth. That's the one good thing I'm going to offer you before..." she smirked. The plan was working. Shelby was here and she was the ideal punching bag for her anger. The perfect scapegoat with a pretty pink bow on top. She loved those kind of metaphorical gifts. "You ruined Rachel. Its not a hundred percent your fault, but did you think that abandoning her would make it easier for her to connect?" She thought of lighting Shelby on fire. Gasoline, match, strike, burn. Simple equation that would have fit the woman's lesson on theatricality she had witnessed when they watched Vocal Adrenaline.

Now she was running on adrenaline, but didn't want to smell rotting flesh, even though it would have been a show. However the thought made her stomach nearly bring up bile. That was too much for her even. She was going to stick to yelling and shooting. She had gotten too comfortable with her bow and needed more practice with a gun. This was like target practice, and she needed it. As unconventional as that was, Shelby was going to help on multiple levels.

"Its not even with me, if Rachel meets someone and falls in love, she's not going to give herself willingly. Not her heart. She'll always have her career. And talent. Part of that drive and ambition probably came from you." Quinn rose the gun and fired. The bullet struck into the shoulder and sounded like a truck backfired and a piece of wood being split in half when the bullet settled in. Shelby wasn't muscle anymore, she sounded like bone, creeky and void of any softness that would make her human. Quinn almost pitied this woman.

"Your absence caused damage, your rejection, your selfishness!" She screamed and aimed the gun again and made a point to shoot at a thigh. Blood didn't come out of the wound. It was like Shelby was dry and dust. Ashes to ashes. If Quinn set her on fire she would go up quickly and the blonde wanted to draw this out. She would leave this woman mutilated and without any human qualities except maybe a damned soul, but that couldn't really be seen and Quinn felt like a monster in the moment but she wasn't the grim reaper. She didn't have the power to collect souls.

"You pushed her away. You didn't even deserve her!" And Quinn took a lung full of air that wasn't enough. It felt too much like drowning. A wave of bitter realization hit her that she wasn't fully yelling at Shelby, she was also yelling at herself. Only this was a person in front of her and not a mirror, though the older woman may as well have been. Every YOU could have been I. But she ran with it because it felt heavier and less abstract to simply yell at this woman because she could. They were cruel to Rachel and both had done their part to hurt the tough girl who prefered to sing than talk. Her index finger squeezed in again and another bullet went into her other thigh. Shelby was still standing, strong and resolute with a steady gaze that challenged Quinn.

"She tried with you. To connect. And you took it for granted." Her voice lowered. She couldn't scream anymore unless she had a second wind in her. "How DARE you call yourself a mother." She yelled with anger to certain words as she shot again and made sure the bullet went into the woman's torso. Again Shelby didn't show anything, not on her face. She was impassive as her body slumped lower. Quinn knew this was horrible and evil. To inflict this much torture on someone was obscene. Was she hurtling herself to madness or saving herself by destroying the remains of this woman? Would the guilt crush her later or was the allure of having control when everything in her life was out of control going to outweight the cons?

The world was working in opposites. The days were harsh and she, like everyone else was on edge. At night she could relax. Rachel was the most honest and passionate at night with remnants of light coming from her when they held each other, clung to one another. The day was never kind to them and it brought an oppressive torrent of emotions that made her mentally tired. Her muscle spasmed as she held the gun.

Decisions, decisions. Where to send the next bullet? Where to put emotions? Where to run from them? She wanted to ask god what to do but wondered if asking the devil would give her more answers. Part of the devil seemed to be staring back at her, but she knew that was absurd, even though some fanatics were likely saying demons were walking the earth.

Everyone was clinging to hope and it was like walking a tightrope-trying not to fall into the abyss of insanity. At which round would she feel like she was tipping over the edge? Really she didn't care and proved it when she shot another bullet into Shelby's shoulder. The woman grunted, guttural, and groaning like the last air of an accordian was being forced out.

"You were heartless to her." A shot to the chest, where her thinning heart should be. "Heartless." The whisper was said harshly, more to herself than the woman infront of her. She released another bullet to the same area. Her jaw was starting to hurt at how often she was clenching it. Words were like bullets that were falling on deaf ears, but she heard them. Fuck, she felt them and knew she wasn't really talking to this woman. She hadn't been talking to her for a while...her own words were meant for herself and she was close to choking on them. The only good thing she had done in this world was create Beth. Everything else was up for debate or fueled by her own wants. Who the hell was she to berate Rachel for being selfish? Was pride getting in the way? The fact that Rachel left her to wake up with cold sheets?

"In another life I hope when you get the chance to be involved in someone's life who's going to enrich yours-you take the fucking opportunity." Quinn allowed herself the profanity, though uncharacteristic and decided it was enough. It ends now. Quick squeeze to the trigger and the final bullet impacted into Shelby's head. It sounded like a bowling ball fell onto pavement after being dropped from ten stories up, but Quinn didn't look away. What good would it do to deny the images and proof that she had done these horrible things? Maybe she was heartless.

Turning around she was caught off guard by the small cresent moon of figures that were forming around her. Switching her empty silver gun to her nondominant hand she pulled the gun from the holder on her thigh and swiftly lined up the shot. One U.D. down-six to go. It was fast. She wasn't good with the gun and a few shots missed or hit a shoulder instead of the head. When the gun clicked she knew she had run out she narrowed her eyes and said to herself she shouldn't be so impatient, should have waited for them to get closer then shoot.

Moving to the car she grabbed the keys after yanking the door open and got in. It started to life and she reached over to the glove box. The green grenade was the only thing in it and it seemed so smart, but large in her hand when she grasped it. Rolling down the window and pushing the gear into drive she made a u-turn so she was facing them and nearly smirked at how this felt like a western movie. Holding the grenade in her left hand, right hand gripping the wheel, she floored it as their groans reached her ears. Straight on she went through them and felt like a wrecking ball, barrelling through the wall of Instinctuals. For good measure she bit the pin between her lips and pulled. The toss of the heavy grenade felt like she was tossing back a bouquette of flowers. The smirk accompanied the feeling when she thought this was better than attending any wedding. The massive boom that followed seconds later finally made her burst into a toothy grin and she drummed on the steering wheel as she hummed-another one bites the dust.

"Hi baby girl." Quinn said smoothly as she crossed the living room to kneel before Beth. The drive back was quick and she felt better even though she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. The emotions would catch up with her eventually, but at the moment she wanted to tell her daughter she loved her. "I love you," she said as she held her and hugged her close. She was oblivious to everyone looking at her like she had four heads until Santana cleared her throat.

"Oh screw it, I'm not subtle, its a damn waste of time. Q, not to break up this picturesque moment but the funeral is in like a half hour." The brunette said and Quinn met her eyes then Brittany's who looked incredibly somber. They were the only two in the open room and Quinn noticed they were leaning against the counter with a cup in the Latina's hand an a stuffed animal in Britt's who was clearly playing with Beth until Quinn came back. She looked at Beth again and the girl seemed wonderfully unaware that she only had one parent remaining, which was better than none...but Puck would have been great to her.

"Okay. I'll be back down soon," she said without any emotion. She felt hollow again. Carved out and barren but she gave a gentle squeeze to the dancer's hand as she placed Beth in the taller blonde's strong arms. It was how she always thanked B who understood a different language. Smoothly she kissed her daughter's cheek and went up the stairs.

"Where did you go?" A whispered voice caught up to her as she neared her room in the hallway. Turning around she braced herself, though she didn't know what to say. Words weren't their strong suit and Rachel didn't deserve to know what she did with her days. The silence was enough of a reply and the tiny brunette tried again. "The last time you left on your own...you came back with bruises. I'm...I'm checking." She said as she pressed her back into the wall and further away from the blonde who was looking at her with narrowed eyes. She wanted to lean into the wall as well but knew her small pony tail would prohibit her from leaning her head back and she wanted to. Everything felt heavy. No rest for the wicked. Exhaustion was coming at her in waves and this conversation would drain her. To come clean on an already emotional day or avoid it? Avoid Rachel?

"Don't mother me, Rachel," Quinn said with fatigue. The challenge was lost in her voice. "If you want to talk we can after the funeral. Its your call, but I should stress..." and she lowered her voice as though she were offering a secret "I grew up in a house with Russell and Judy who could be tempestuous after the fifth drink. They weren't outwardly aggressive or full of animosity, but...it was in the silence. I don't want this house to become like that one." Hazel locked with brown and hoped that was clear. It was the closest she would get to saying she wanted to talk to Rachel, wanted to try. She'd had enough drama in her life. Simplicity was incredibly appealing and talking was the only way they were going to uncomplicate things...

"Can..." Rachel attempted and swallowed. "Can I hug you?" Quinn watched her fingers twist around one another, tan digits squeezing and seeming nervous. Rachel was human, she didn't have all the answers, she was going to make mistakes, but the blonde knew she was trying and as always with her questions. The silence hovered over them and made Rachel more nervous who shifted her weight against the wall and made a move to leave to her room.

Fingertips grazed around a wrist until Quinn gently held Rachel's arm. Pulling her back was similar to the sensation of pulling a kite in from a strong breeze. The slight resistance was there but it was really the feeling that Rachel would float away. When her arms came to wrap around the smaller girl's waist Rachel almost sighed with relief. But she was too depressed to feel any relief. They were going to bury their friend, Beth's father, and they would have to make sure he didn't really die-that he would be remembered and treated as a precious memory.

"Do you want to stand next to me during?" Quinn asked quietly as Rachel's arms clung to her shoulders to the point that she was really holding the smaller girl up.

"Please?" The brunette asked and didn't sound anything like herself. It was desperation and pleading that Rachel never had. She was a fighter, but everyone had their breaking points and cracks.

They pulled back and created the needed distance. It was like a yo-yo. Calm one second, intense the next and Quinn didn't know where to put all of the building emotions. She stepped away from the smaller girl and went into her room to change. A light grey dress that she had taken from a department store and thought she could wear if she ever tried to take Rachel on a date was going to have to do. Her shoulders popped as she removed her shirt then her spine cracked as she put on the dress and pulled her hair from the confines of the pony tail. A quick glance to the small mirror made her think she looked like her former self. Like her biggest enemy was staying popular and getting out of Lima. Death was the enemy. It was always around them and death had been victorious. No matter how much they tried to evade it there was the inevitability and Quinn wondered when everyone's clocks would run down.

It was exactly four and everyone was outside. They formed a circle around the grave. She hadn't remembered walking down the stairs and to the backyard but here she was, looking at her peers and contemplating if welcoming the end and to not struggle to fight to live would be a relief. They weren't impervious. This cabin in the middle of nowhere wouldn't protect them and looking at Will and Emma seemed to mirror her thoughts. The former guidance councelor looked very formal and on the verge of tears. Will looked concentrated but clearly in his own head as he peered at the shallow grave. Quinn could have bet it was very difficult to dig with the cold ground. No one wanted this to be their grave and again she glanced at the older people in the group. Will and Emma looked torn but ready for flight.

The tan canvas material was wrapped around Puck's frame. She was glad she wouldn't have to look at his face but it seemed cheap and crude they couldn't make him a coffin. No one said anything and she shifted her weight and held a sleeping Beth closer to her, thankful her daughter was in a dreamland.

"Should we..ah..say something?" Sam asked politely. What was the proper ettiquette for this? The blonde boy was looking at Rachel and the brunette looked lost.

"I think he wouldn't have wanted a like service. Plus he was Jewish so I think we should say a prayer in heads and then say goodbye..." Finn trailed off, unsure, but this was his best friend and it was the only thing he could offer that seemed appropriate. Quinn nodded and watched everyone bow their heads. Was a minute prayer and thoughts enough? Was five minutes? She didn't know but she had said all she could in a few words. Thank you. For protecting Beth.

A small squeeze was felt to the hand that wasn't holding her daughter and she looked down to see a small, tan hand in hers. The fingers weren't laced together but the blonde gave a gentle squeeze back to assure Rachel who looked from their hands to the grave.

Quinn took a step forward and grabbed a handful of dirt that was in a small pile around the burial. Reaching her arm out she slowly spread her fingers and allowed the contents to fall onto the canvas. It felt real to do this, to help in some way and she was surprised when everyone slowly did the same. Rachel was the last one and she still held the earth in her hand. They were the only two standing there. Quinn didn't realize she had been holding Beth for twenty minutes. When her arm started to ache she squeezed Rachel's hand again. If the wind hadn't carried the brunette's voice Quinn wouldn't have heard it, more importantly if she wasn't standing right next to this girl she would have completely missed it.

"I'm sorry." Rachel said to the covered figure and wiped the dirt onto her black skirt. I'm sorry. It wasn't Rachel's fault. Quinn was in a small state of shock and didn't realize the smaller girl had dropped their hands and went inside. A minute later she followed and felt Beth stir against her. A small forehead was rubbing into her shoulder and Quinn rubbed circles into her daughter's upper back.

"Its okay baby girl." her voice was drawing Beth from her sleep and the small blonde blinked back at her. "Hi darling. You're going to go with aunt Mercedes for the night." She said with a tiny smile and felt a brief sense of rudeness come over her that she was assuming. Any mention of Mercedes would usually make Beth smile so Quinn frowned back at her daughter, fearing she was getting sick. When she passed into the house and stood in the living room she noticed a few of the guys headed back out to likely bury Puck. Sam passed and Beth clapped in his direction.

"Hey pretty pretty," Sam said in a goofy grin to Beth who smiled back.

"Uncle Sam can spend time with you too," she said to her daughter who clapped more and Quinn hoped Sam was alright with that, since she was setting them all up without asking.

"Yes!" Sam said with clenched hands at chest level. "Get to spend time with my favorite Fabray." He added with the same absurd smile that made Quinn shake her head. She could be offended but she was thrilled so many people took to her daughter.

"Thanks Sam," the blonde said and watched the sweet guy walk to the porch.

"Girl you need me to watch her I got your back." Mercedes said strongly. If anything she could have sworn Mercedes was glad to have someone to focus on. And Sam and her were great with her daughter, blowing raspberries at one another, Mercedes singing and beth saying la la la la back. It was insanely cute and she loved watching it but she needed to try to talk with Rachel. She looked to the stairs and questioned if Rachel was in her room or somehow slipped out past everyone. ''She's upstairs." The gospel vocalist said to the taller girl with a small nod.

Quinn didn't stop her surprise. She was that predictable? Or Mercedes was that good of a friend and could practically read her mind.

"Quinn, I'm not going to judge you. You deserve to be happy after getting the short end of the stick A LOT. So go figure it out," she said with a shrug "and let me have cutie here." Her hands were out and so were Beth's, ready to be transfered, and again Quinn's shoulder popped and she rubbed Mercedes arm briefly to say thank you. It was expected that she and Sam would take care of Beth for the night. The words didn't need to be said, it was and agreement and Quinn felt safe knowing her daughter was loved and cared for.

Her bed was empty. Not that she expected Rachel to be in it but she wouldn't have minded if the smaller girl was on her usual side. Less than a hundred feet away she knocked on a closed door. Not that she was expecting an answer, but she waited a few seconds until she let herself in. Rachel was on the bed listening to her ipod. She was looking intently at her sheet as though it could solve all her problems. Slowly Quinn walked forward until she was hovering over Rachel. The smaller girl was still focused on ignoring her, which was hard considering the blonde placed her knee on the bed and watched Rachel move closer to her unintentionally with the shift. Reaching and gently pulling at the chords the ex cheerleader took the headphones away. Rachel looked back with the most pleading eyes she had seen in her life. Brown eyes rivaled her own when she was desperate and needed a place to stay after her parents had kicked her out and she never wanted to see that reflected from Rachel; someone who was so optimistic that it was occasionally annoying, someone who wasn't afraid to dream big, and someone who wasn't worried about the future because she had a plan. But all that was gone now and here was Rachel seeming the polar opposite of herself.

"Come to bed." Quinn said softly, trying to coax the girl out of her head and she was glad to see the tension from her features lessen, though not by much.

"I'm in bed." Rachel said with a frown.

"I meant MY bed," the blonde said and consciously tried to take out any biting tone.

"On one condition." Quinn rolled her eyes. Nothing was ever easy with Rachel. It was a game of tug of war and who can up the other. A battle of wits because Quinn was well aware Rachel had her beat on singing and probably with a song that wasn't usually in her range or from the broadway catalog.

"Out with it," the archer said with raised eyebrows.

"Take a shower with me." The smaller girl said after a pause but spoke at a normal volume. She sounded exhausted and as though she knew Quinn would say no, a firm no, but wanted to ask it regardless because she wanted comfort and for something to wash away her thoughts more or less.

"Under one stipulation." The cheerleader said with narrowed eyes and for a second Rachel was shocked Quinn was even considering it with her lawyer tone. The bite to her lip was for her own good because her brain wasn't in the mood to censor itself and she thought Quinn was very attractive when she had that "I'm in control voice and everything else be damned." But she nodded and waited, though impatiently.

"Sing a song. Anything. As long as you sing."

Rachel locked up. Cement walls building by hypothetical stage hands with steel bars and a clamp over her neck. Why did Quinn have to say that? Singing was linked to feeling and that was something she had been avoiding for weeks. Too many weeks. She didn't realize she was shaking her head until she repeated no in a chant.

"Rachel, my daughter sings more than you." Quinn tried and placed her fingertips under a tan chin so the smaller girl would look at her but Rachel moved her head out of the touch and sat stiffly.

"And she's adorable while doing so, but I cannot and will not sing." She said stubbornly.

"You're incredibly difficult." The blonde blew out and attempted to persuade her another way. "I'll make you dinner if you sing. Macaroni and cheese. Your fake butter is still there. I'm willing to let that slide. But the rest is organic and free range," she offered with a smirk.

"You're going to make me dinner?...Like a date?" Rachel asked perplexed and was bothered when Quinn laughed down at her. Somehow Quinn's higher position bothered her more than the laughing.

"Believe me, if I took you on a date it would be better than macaroni and cheese." She said as she sat on the bed to be eye level with Rachel and watched the girl relax more. "But yes, I'll make you dinner." Rachel was still trying to wrap her head around the words if I took you on a date. Had Quinn considered it? Arranging a date? Picking her up from...her room across the hall and taking her somewhere? Their options were limited. Movie theaters weren't working, resturants weren't open, everything was abandoned and so Rachel suspected it would have been a boring date unless they talked and learned about one another. The former diva was quiet for so long that Quinn felt off balanced and used humor to the best of her ability and let Lucy take the reigns for a while. "This really doesn't seem fair. I make you dinner, you sing and do something you're naturally good at and then you see me naked."

Brown eyes widened almost comically and Rachel ducked her head into her chest to cover her blush. "That seems very out of order...the way we've gone about this. Oh my god I've never seen you naked...but you've seen me..." she trailed off, embarrassed.

"Breathe. If it makes you feel any better no one has seen me naked." The blonde said calmly.

"Of course not, you founded the celibacy club. But...you have a daughter and you had sex with me, I made you have sex with me...oh Moses, you're straight, I think I'm light headed." She said quickly.

"Rachel Berry, breathe. You didn't make me do anything. I have my own autonomy, you have yours." The former cheerleader said in her Quinn-lawyer tone and Rachel practically smirked.

"I really like your range in vocabulary." Rachel said bashfully. It was random but that censor was failing or it was flat out broken.

"You're a geek." Quinn admitted with a smile.

"And you're a nerd." Rachel replied quickly with a degree of a challenge.

"We're talking in circles. Back to the issue." Then she paused and tilted her head slightly. "Issues." She amended. "I never said I was straight. You were often dating my ex boyfriends giving the impression you were also straight too, Berry. The fact that you let Finn have such a large influence on your future was frustrating."

"From your comments over the last two years someone could mistaken you for a feminist you know." Rachel admitted and relaxed her shoulders. This was the longest conversation Quinn had with her and it was jumping around but she liked it.

"Feminism and being gay doesn't go hand in hand, but yes, I believe in equality and am not blind to the male centric world we live in. However I don't know what I am. I'm me and you're you and its that simple. It should be that simple." She stressed.

"You said you hadn't been in love with any of the boys you dated." The ex singer said as the memory flooded her. She remembered how scared Quinn looked when she thought she was pregnant too.

"True." She nodded slowly. "I wasn't. They seemed to always want something from me and it wasn't ever really about me. And vice versa. I have no desire to be with someone for the sake of using them or being used." She said pointedly. They needed to have this conversation. As harsh and it may be and verbally violent it could escalate to. It was similar to when she held the grenade in her hand and was ready to throw it. Only now if she let herself toss it she knew she'd want to try to fix the aftermath and piece everything back together because Rachel always seemed a breath away from falling apart when it was just them.

"So if I said yes to dinner you would take it to mean that I'm using you?" Rachel asked confused as she attempted to be on the same page as Quinn.

"In that case no, because I offered."

"But you think I'm using you when I asked...if you would take a shower with me?"

"The thought was there, yes." Quinn said honestly and without pause. She watched as Rachel drew her legs into her chest and wrapped her arms under her knees. It wasn't subtle, not that Rachel ever was, but she purposefully moved away. Because it stung. It physically made Rachel's chest hurt that Quinn was under the impression she was being used. That was NEVER her intention.

"I'm sorry. I retract my question and subsequently my invitation. We can just have dinner and go to sleep if that's alright with you. We can sleep seperately if you'd prefer." She said through the pain in her chest. That time it was sharp. The day was too much. She had just helped to bury Noah, she was trying to do the right thing by give Quinn space even though her body was telling her she would miss their nights together. Just laying in bed with Quinn made her calm.

"Rach," she reached out and ran her thumb over tan knuckles as she delicately held the nearest hand available to her. "That's not what I meant. I'll take a shower with you. Only if you sing. And ignore the stretch marks," she said the last part with an edge of bitterness to her voice. Her abs were back and she looked nice, that was her thinking-she looked nice, but she was only seventeen and stretch marks weren't suppose to be there.

"Quinn," Rachel said with renewed strength. It bothered her that this strong and smart woman would still feel insecure when she didn't have reason to be. "I've never met anyone as beautiful or as strong as you. And there's Beth and..." she swallowed because it was always jarring that Quinn was a mother.

"She's your favorite person," she whispered and watched Rachel smirk.

"She beat out Barbara. I happen to find Beth rather wonderful. Though she has everyone wrapped around her finger so I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one in her fan club." She said with a genuine smile.

The sentiment was incredibly sweet and it could have been the way brown eyes seemed lighter or how Rachel seemed more relaxed but Quinn thought it was amazing how much someone cared for her daughter and called her wonderful. Leaning in she kissed Rachel on the cheek and stayed there, content to breathe her in until she whispered in her ear, "you're...really pretty when you smile." Quinn meant to say beautiful but her mind was overthinking.

"You don't have to lie," Rachel said looking at her blanket, making the blonde shake her head.

"Here's the thing-most of what I...express can't be taken at face value, but I'm being honest with you here. I've been honest with you about happy endings, relationships...whenever you've asked my view I've given it, maybe brutally at times, but its never been a lie." She stressed and was unapologetic. The strength behind her words was what made Rachel look up and inhale an unsteady breath.

"Okay. I'll see you downstairs in twenty munutes for dinner?"

"That'll be fine. Stay out of trouble in the meantime," the blonde winked subtely and Rachel's eyes enlarged slightly at how playful Quinn was at times. A rarity, but enjoyable and she stopped the girl from moving to the door when she grasped her hand and pulled her closer. The invasion of space was calming. The kiss was brief and she wouldn't have minded progressing it and falling into it, but her stomach growled and Quinn moved back and stared at her midsection. "Clearly I have to feed the monster inside you." She said with a smirk and again Rachel was hit by how sexy Quinn could be without trying. The light humor was holding Rachel up when everything in her was telling her the world was madly spinning.

The taller girl slipped out and entered her room. A quick change and another scarf on she felt a little warmer. The dress wasn't enough and she felt like an imposter wearing it. The black skinny jeans and a very light pink top that looked white, paired with the dark blue scarf wasn't needed but after her father tried to strangle her she hated to feel exposed. But she chose not to focus on the vast negative things.

Skipping down to the kitchen she saw her daughter in the living room bouncing on Mercedes' lap as Sam made funny/bad impressions and practically sailed over to the group. "I love you to the moon and back," she said softly to her daughter who looked at her happily. It was important to tell her daughter she loved her everyday. She wanted to break the cycle and express to her that she would always be supported. It wouldn't be a generational weakness like her mother. Part of the job description of being a mom to her was telling her daughter she was amazing in some way whenever she was given the chance. And if she borrowed lines from classic kids' literature she didn't feel any less unique but hoped she was enriching her daughter's life. Kissing her on her head she breezed over to the kitchen. It felt wrong to be this carefree after burying her daughter's father, her friend, but she needed a break from the headiness. The task was nice and felt normal. Make dinner. Making dinner for Rachel wasn't normal but if this became part of her routine she wouldn't mind.

Eyes were on her and she felt it and heard the whispering but the grins on her friends faces couldn't be missed. "Q, its mac and cheese, not a five star dinner." Mercedes said with a growing grin as she watched the blonde look at the food like a science experiment she were getting graded on. They didn't need an A plus in lab anymore.

"Its not all for me," she said with a shrug.

"Yes! I knew you loved me. Thank you for the food," Sam said with his goofy smile and she rolled her eyes, everyone fully aware that it wasn't intended for him. She was half way done with making it and shook her head but grabbed a small bowl to give to Beth. Everyone prepared food for themselves except on fridays and it wasn't a friday.

"We'll be out of here when Rachel comes down," Mercedes said nicely without any judgement. Now that she wasn't fighting Rachel for solos and their talents were taking a back seat she appreciated the former diva more. And it didn't have to be said but it was there in Beth's pseudo-aunt's tone everytime she spoke about Rachel to Quinn-she supported it and wanted them to be happy. With a nod to her friend she went back to making the food.

With a small helping for Beth she set it aside and grabbed two plates for herself and Rachel. When she walked over with a tiny spoon for Mercedes to feed Beth she wasn't at all surprised with Sam jumped on the opportunity to make airplane noises. The sounds were amusing and music to all their ears. Beth saying mmmm after every bit and giggling when Uncle Sam made funny faces and pretended to take her food. The laughter really kept the depression at bay and she felt lighter.

Slowly Rachel came down the stairs and was surprised by the laughter. It was like a foreign sound that didn't fit into reality, something she would have to get used to again and Quinn saw the shock on Rachel's face. As through she was affronted and thrown off by happiness.

"Rachel..." Quinn said at a normal volume, calling her over and saw from the corner of her eyes Sam, Mercedes and Beth get up to leave the common area. The brunette looked her up and down and Quinn recognized hunger but not for food and a shiver went through her. Sometimes Rachel was so unashamed and open to her that it was disarming. Most people tried to be suave about it but Rachel would focus on her and made her feel both wanted and appreciated. Strange combination, but she liked what it made her feel and she looked the smaller girl over who could do with gaining a few pounds but still looked great. For years Quinn had compared herself to girls in magazines, but the girl in front of her was real with every emotion hidden under the surface.

"You look very nice, Quinn." Rachel said formerly and sat at the bar across from her. Quinn didn't voice her thought that she was treating this as a pre-date. A test run to see if they could share a meal and talk to one another instead of joke and use physical affection as a dialog or filler. For a second Quinn thought they were backtracking. It seemed appropriate to say thank you but it seemed rigid and she couldn't ask how was your day or how was work because she knew what Rachel had done, her actions mirrored her own. Instead she busied herself with adding spices to the plain macaroni and cheese. Rosemary, pepper and some italian herbs to make it seem a little more sophistocated or less white trash because she was a little appauled that this was what she had to work with. "I feel bad that you've slaved over the stove for dinner," Rachel added as she watched the blonde.

"Its from a box. Hardly slaving." She said as she set a fork next to the plate she placed before the sitting girl. Standing felt comfortable and she was very much used to it so she remained upright. Years of standing in the kitchen eating small meals while her parents were out became a typical dinner and more importantly she wanted to face Rachel.

"This looks great. Even if I have to put my vegan preferences on hold." A small smile was offered but Rachel sat stiffly.

"Do you want something to drink?" Quinn asked formerly, finding it was hard to get out of that tone once Rachel had established it.

"Water? I'd love some coffee but no one makes it and I'm sure it would go horribly with this..."

The blonde nodded and turned around to search for her hidden wine glasses she had taken over a week away from a store. They were a light purple and clear but she rarely used them because she felt pretentious and didn't want to give Puck the impression she was half prepared to down a bottle of wine. Bending down she grabbed them from the back of a cabinet and filled them from the faucet. When she set the glass in front of Rachel she let out a small laugh at her reaction.

"Full of surprises." The smaller leader said with a tilt to her head and picked up the glass by the stem delicately while holding the body of it securely. "I feel a little classier." She said with a growing smile.

"That's the point," Quinn replied with a small smirk that was half hidden behind the colored glass. A silence fell over them that Quinn was starting to find uncomfortable until Rachel's stomach growled, prompting her to raise an eyebrow.

"I know, I know...the monster is telling me to feed it." Rachel said with an eyeroll, practically taking the words from Quinn's mouth. The ex cheerleader crossed her arm over her chest and held onto her wine glass and happily watched Rachel twirl the fork in her hand and finally take some of the cheesy concoction and bring it to her mouth where she paused, frowned and brought the fork back down. "Shouldn't we toast? I'm not sure to what...the future perhaps, but that seems vague and at this point uncertain and maybe we'll jinx something but I've never done this before...I mean I have with Finn, but its never been this nice and I think it would set a nice platform for the evening if we toasted..."

"Rachel, breathe." Quinn said calmly and watched Rachel's shoulders fall and the girl close her eyes. It was a little pathetic Rachel said this was nice compared to anything Finn put together. It was a boxed meal! The words weren't said in a demand but was a simple reminder and she was amused that she was starting to feel like an anchor to Rachel; a force that could pull her back to earth and make her less neurotic. "Okay. I'll toast if you don't mind because the food is getting cold and we don't have a microwave," she said with humor and was relieved to say Rachel relax more and nod. Raising her glass a little higher she waited for the ex singer to do the same. "Here's to those who wish us well..." she said merrily, "and those who don't can go to hell." Her tone changed to bitchy but she smirked at the last word.

The fallen jaw and wide eyed expression that peered back at her almost made her choke on her water. "My grandfather used to say that. I heard him say it once at a family party." Rachel said as she set her glass down and started to work at her food.

"Your dads threw a lot of parties?" Quinn asked curiously and to make conversation but a part of her wanted to compare and contrast her family to Rachel's who always seemed proud of her parents.

"They're fun seekers and enjoy throwing a party. Daddy is the life of the party type while Dad is the planner and sticks to controlling the music because Daddy will dance to anything...like no one's watching. Its rather embarrasing but endearing at the same time." She said with a genuine smile.

"They seem very nice. Hopefully we'll attend parties together soon so I can see this uninhibited dancing." Quinn replied after she swallowed a helping.

"You'd want to meet my fathers?" Rachel asked with shock only to watch Quinn shrug nonchalantly.

"If you'd want me to, its an option." The taller girl said calmly as she set her elbow on the counter.

"It took forever to get Finn to meet them..." The brunette said looking away.

"Let's get one thing straight here-I am not like Finn Hudson. In many ways. My grade point average is better for one and the rest are just mean though factual. Since we're trying to have an enjoyable dinner I'll leave it at that."

"Oh do continue. This is the most entertainment I've had in ages." Kurt's voice came from behind a corner.

"Hummel, I will end you." Quinn said with narrowed eyes in the direction the voice came from.

"Sweetie, can you make popcorn?" He asked Blaine who kept saying leave them alone as he ignored the former head cheerleader.

"We should really leave them, let them have their privacy." Blaine said sensibly.

"Quinn with her empty threats." Kurt replied flippantly as he waved his hand as though swatting at a fly and turned to Rachel. "I'm your best friend and you let her talk to me like this? Oh how the mighty have fallen Rachel Berry." The baby faced boy said with a smirk.

"Santana!" Quinn said loudly to the ceiling. It wasn't a shout and it didn't need to be but the look of fear that crossed Kurt's face was priceless. Priceless.

"What Q?" The Latina replied coming down the stairs, seeming groggy, likely having been woken from siesta with Brittany and a cranky Santana wasn't one to reckon with. It was safest to duck and cover behind something bullet proof. Or a nuclear war bunker.

"Direct Kurt to his room," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice that contrasted her intense eyes because although she wasn't a dictator she still had the head cheerleader inside her. This pre-date was starting to be a disaster, though Quinn caught Rachel trying to contain her laughter behind her hand.

"White bread let's go. Or I swear by Munchkin's obsession with polka dots that I will burn your wardrobe and hers," she said with a tilt to her head at Rachel who looked horrified. "Making this world a better place," she said with a disturbing smile, but for a moment Quinn was thankful Santana was such a bitch. It was blissfully predictable and had the desired effect when Kurt mumbled something about his wardrobe not being on the same wavelength as Rachel's. Finally when everyone was back to their rooms and they were alone again Rachel was staring at her still full plate of food as Quinn was overthinking what to say.

"I like your polka dots. It looks nice on you...that shirt," she said with sincerity and tried not to focus on the unusually low cut. There was just so much skin less than two feet in front of her and in an hour or less she'd be naked with Rachel in a shower. She tried to lightly smile but felt it came off awkward.

"Thank you," Rachel said slowly and appeared in her own world. "Um though what Kurt said was presumptuous and slightly inappropriate he makes an interesting point. Being that we haven't defined this relationship or if there is one...I'm curious how you feel about it or if this is a no strings attached type of arrangement." She said in a nervous rush as she worked her thumb back and forth over the fork.

"If you eat half of what I gave you I'll tell you my view on it." Quinn said looking at the plate after she had taken another bite of her own. She was used to this sort of spastic Rachel but it was surprisingly cute. Slowly Rachel ate at the pasta and allowed Quinn the time to form her thoughts as they ate in a brief silence. Quinn tried to estimate when Rachel had finished half. Being watched like a hawk wasn't going to help the smaller girl be comfortable but Quinn really wanted the ex singer to work on being healthier and less strict with her diet. A small but annoying lump was forming in her throat that had migrated from her chest. When faced with being honest and sharing her emotions Quinn wanted to seclude herself and pick up a book.

"So..." Rachel said without any demand as she indicated she was done eating for now and kept up the end of Quinn's deal.

"If there weren't any U.D's and we had our more simplistic, though petty lives I would have liked to have taken you to a movie." She admitted slowly. "When I wasn't at cheerleading practice and I wasn't in the house or church with...my family," and she said the last word bitterly, "who couldn't string five sincere words together, I would go to the bookstore a town over near the college campus. They have a theater across the street that I wanted to go since they played old movies. And there was this bakery that's on the same strip that sold vegan treats," she said wistfully as though she were remembering a past life and wishing she had lived more in the moment then. A long pause fell over them as she took a long drink of her water and finished the glass. "I would have taken you there. I would have asked if I knew you were interested in a friendship or more but I was dealing with...my own issues," her voice strained, having to admit her shortcomings, "but I think, as wrong as it may be to say, we're here because you need someone to make you feel or forget. And those are your words." She finished with a shrug and felt like Rachel could do better and swore that idea was somehow laced into her tone.

"Quinn," Rachel said sadly and was struck with the realization that the girl who seemed beyond her years was drastically off base because it seemed like she was using her. It was a painful consciousness that hit her like cold water in the face...or a slushie. She looked at this woman, really looked at her and saw how tired she was. It was a conundrum she could still remain poised and graceful while she moved her indew finger around the rim of her glass and looked disconnected from the situation. It was starting to make her head hurt at how much of a mess this was. She backed Quinn into a corner and manipulated her in little ways. Make me forget were her words. Of course Quinn could take them to mean she was being used. "No, no,'' she said as she got out of the chair and moved around the island so she could stand right next to the taller girl. "No...oh Quinn," she said with a strain as she felt her throat constrict as she reached out and pushed the few strands of hair that fell over hazel eyes. For a second she couldn't breath when long fingers grasped around her wrist and conflicted eyes looked back at her like she couldn't decide for the life of her to pull Rachel's hand away that was resting on her cheek or let her keep holding her face.

It struck her, not like lightning and not like a truck, those would too soft, and Rachel cursed at herself for not having this conversation with Quinn earlier. She was a woman but under the facade of maturity was a girl who was sweet and had once considered taking her on a date. Beneath the insults and cruel comments was a girl who made her feel calm, more centered and less burdened. She saw bits of Lucy but had mostly got to know Quinn and both were considerate in their own hidden, charming ways. "Sweetheart. That's not what I was doing. I'm sorry. This is awful. Oh my god. I must have made you feel awful. Honestly its not about kissing you...I would love to know more about you. And I think I could take years to learn about your favorite books and dreams and what's made you who you are and I'd still want to know more. There's been days when I just want to lay next to you and listen to you talk. As lame as that may be...but you have a wonderful speaking voice and you might feel put on the spot but I would love it if you read a book to me. Its been in the back of my mind whenever I see your bookshelves and,"

Quinn kissed her. Rachel talked and rambled a lot when she was nervous and she tended to say the most heartfelt speeches in a rush but Quinn had never felt that someone really wanted to know her. Maybe after years of being used for someone else's gain that she was inept at reading someone who simply wanted to spend time with her and listen to her.

Lips softly slid together and Rachel's words were cut off but the brunette didn't seem to mind. Tan hands moved further along a pale neck and wove into blonde hair while Quinn pulled the muscular though delicate body into her. To Quinn the smaller girl seemed to exist in opposites, she was strong in spirit but physically she was just so tiny and it prompted the blonde to pull her closer.

"I'm not hungry anymore. Do you want to..." Rachel trailed off, not wanting to ask again. Once was enough. They were doing everything in reverse. Foreplay was suppose to come before sex but she'd already had sex with Quinn. God her head was starting to hurt again.

"I'll be up in fifteen minutes, give or take." She replied softly as she pulled away from the embrace and away from Rachel's arms that were around her shoulders.

Something slid into place. Beyond nervousness, it was fear and it felt solid. She would have to sing if she wanted comfort from Quinn and singing would mean letting the damn open and willingly taking down a wall that contained those emotions she was trying so hard to push back. It was easier to be robotic and refuse to really go through the process of grieving but she nodded and moved to the stairs where she refused to look back at Quinn who was likely cleaning the dishes.

"Hey. Got leftovers?" A smiling Sam asked from behind the corner. The same corner Kurt hide behind and Quinn narrowed her eyes, contemplating if she could remove the damn corner somehow.

"Yeah, help yourself. Do you mind if Rachel touched some?" She asked, unsure. Everyone had their quirks and most people would say yes but Sam only looked at her like she was insane.

"Pfft. I'm a guy. I don't care about that crap. What am I going to catch? Diva...ness? Or something?" He said with a shrug.

"She hasn't been much of a diva lately," Quinn replied without an edge but felt the desire to defend Rachel as she put the food on one plate for the male blonde.

"Yeah, I know...she's more...she's not very Rachel." He frowned but kept looking with joy at the food.

"I'm working on it,'' she mumbled as she pushed the food closer to him and set the wine glasses in the sink. There was a strong feeling she'd come down for a snack in the morning so she'd do them then. Half a portion of pasta, from a box no less, wasn't much. Pulling out a drawer she grabbed a new fork for Sam and gave a tight smile. "Enjoy."

"I'll do the dishes." He offered through a mouthful of food. "This is really good, its only fair." She ruffled his hair as she made her way to the stairs, thankful that there were some good guys in the world, even fewer she imagined after this zombie mess.

Her room smelled a bit like Rachel but she didn't think about it as she grabbed two soft towels. Both light blue and walked across the hallway to Rachel's room. Something caught her eyes and a faint buzzing was heard. A fly was in the house. It was miniscule and for a moment she thought how insignificant it was until she thought about it more and how they were the same way. All her friends were small compared to the earth, the universe...

She felt like a nihilist as she considered that it didn't seem to matter much, her plans for Yale, getting out of Lima... Lima was barren and New Haven seemed like a dream. She wouldn't have to be the popular bitch, she'd have a new start, she even thought she might get a girlfriend in college. One that would likely have dark hair and dark eyes that would hopefully be shamelessly passionate about something. The fly got caught in a web and she watched as an even smaller spider came out from a hiding place and menacingly made its way over. It was a little mesmerizing. She kept watching. It was like the discovery channel to a degree. A cheap version of it anyway. But it was transfixing to watch the struggle until she realized it would die or get away and battle so much in the process. Shaking her head she took the final five steps to Rachel's door and knocked. It opened seconds later and Quinn felt awkward for the first time in ages. Holding out the towel at waist level she offered it to Rachel.

"Thank you." Rachel did the unexpected and leaned up to kiss Quinn on the cheek who lightly blushed.

"Don't thank me yet, you have to perform Miss Berry," Quinn said with a smirk and tried to be amusing but she knew it fell flat when her nervousness came out. She didn't even like taking showers in seperate stalls during cheerleading. Half the time she waited for everyone to be done so she could be alone and she also didn't want to hear Santana and Britt giggle and makeout. Rachel's slight smile fell and Quinn's mood followed but she moved away and walked towards the bathroom, feeling that Rachel would follow.

The room was smaller. With two people it felt uncomfortable. They could move their arms and had enough space to shift around as Quinn turned on the water and adjusted it so it was hot enough. It always took a few minutes to warm up and Quinn straightened up and watched Rachel remove her shirt so she was only standing in her bra and skirt. Her hands were turning white and Quinn moved to take off her scarf. The air was staring to feel humid and a light sheen was settling on Rachel but she shivered. Quickly she removed her shirt in one smooth pull and set it on the sink. It was in slow motion, more than ever before as she reached out and took the small hand and placed her polka dotted shirt on the sink next to hers. When she turned back around Rachel had her arms wrapped around herself, containing her nervousness though it came off in waves.

"Pretty girl, its okay. Just pretend its a broadway stage and you're doing a scene. A scene you've done a hundred times already." Quinn tried to help her out as she unhooked her own bra and let it fall to the ground. Its not like she really needed bras sometimes and Rachel's were slightly larger and better so the urge to cover herself was there but instead she moved to the shower and fought against the desire to cover her torso when she still had to take off her pants. Her back tensed when she straightened and even further when she felt Rachel's cool fingertips touch her abs. The flinch was instinct and she looked at Rachel who instantly seemed worried. "Cold hands," she said with a small smile she hoped in vain would relax the brunette.

"I'll sing in the shower," she said concretely and paused. "Which means," and she took in a hard breath that her lungs seemed to have a hard time accepting. Quinn didn't tel her eyes drift lower though she knew Rachel was removing her bra. The girl's tan arms were behind her back and then came up to her shoulders to slowly bring the straps down. Quinn bit her bottom lip, her teeth hurting her as she looked into brown eyes that seemed to hold all the sadness in the world...what was left of it. She was enamored with brown eyes until she felt chilled fingertips along her lower stomach and a pop to the button of her jeans. It took a second until Quinn was helping Rachel take her pants off. She still stood and gracefully kicked off the jeans. To Rachel it was graceful and She was glad she was wearing a skirt because she was certain she'd likely fall if she tried the same feat. Quinn's blue underwear seemed perfect. She thought they would be red. After all she was standing with the head cheerio, but the blue was beautiful against her pale skin.

With a release to the zipper her skirt fell and again she reminded herself to breathe when Quinn was still focused on her eyes. And it was the delicate way she moved into her, held her and rubbed her cheeks with her thumbs that made Rachel feel less exposed even as she took off her underwear. The small window in the room was giving enough light for them to see one another but it wasn't sharp. It was growing darker and soon she wouldn't be able to see the gold in Quinn's eyes unless they laid in bed by candlelight later. She hooked her own thumbs into the only material Quinn was wearing and brought them down, only to squeeze the strong muscles in her legs on the way up. Quinn was strong but soft and she loved it. She wasn't about to deny it if anyone asked her.

It was a change. Quinn was holding her face and softly resting her wrists near her neck while her own hands were holding the taller girl's waist. Different but wonderful and it made Rachel feel less unaware. She was holding this person and she was being held as well. It wasn't abstract and it wasn't happening to someone else, this was her life. Music used to be her life and Quinn was asking her, whispering for her to sing. One word and with a gentleness that she knew no one thought Quinn had except for her daughter. Sing.

Slowly she turned and stepped into the shower. The plastic curtain felt cheap and inorganic. Nothing like Quinn. She wanted to be touching Quinn. When the blonde stepped in she was immediately touched but in such an innocent way that made Quinn relax. Rachel was holding her hand between their bodies as the water washed over them. They stood still for a minute, one of the longest minutes they'd shared and Rachel inhaled the steam. "Ready?" She asked hazel eyes who nodded back at her. The brunette closed her eyes and was thankful Quinn settled against her, their bodies fitting and hands wrapped around eachother, resting against their chests.

"Losing the star without a sky  
>Losing the reasons why<br>You're losing the calling that you've been faking  
>And I'm not kidding<br>It's damned if you don't and it's damned if you do  
>Be true 'cause they'll lock you up in a sad sad zoo<br>Oh hidy hidy hidy what cha tryin to prove  
>By hidy hidy hiding you're not worth a thing<br>Sew your fortunes on a string  
>And hold them up to light<br>Blue smoke will take  
>A very violent flight<br>And you will be changed  
>Sand everything<br>And you will be in a very sad sad zoo.  
>I once was lost but now I'm found was blind<br>But now I see you  
>How selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming<br>Metal heart you're not hiding  
>Metal heart you're not worth a thing."<p>

Quinn couldn't take it. Those lyrics. She knew that song and she wished she could take the condition back that Rachel wouldn't sing because she was crying now. Rachel's voice was raw. Brutally and painfully bare. Fuck, that was a song from her ipod and Cat Power had never sounded that broken. Believe it or not. Metal heart. Rachel didn't have a metal heart. She knew the smaller girl was going to repeat the next line but she couldn't let her. Of all the people in the house who had a metal heart Rachel didn't even make the list. Sam was right, she was less like herself, but she wasn't heartless! and oh the fucking irony that she had told Shelby she was heartless.

"Stop. Rachel. God. No." It was disjointed. She didn't know what Rachel would sing but it wasn't THAT. Pretty girl, you...you have worth. You have a heart," she said and pressed her hand over Rachel's chest where her heart was strong and kept safe in its chamber. She wasn't helping Rachel at all. Failing, she was failing her and felt like such an arrogant, horrible person for thinking she could alleviate the overwhelming emotions.

"You asked me to sing. I sang," Rachel said with a frown and sounded empty. If the brunette could have sounded anything like a soldier it was then.

"Rachel, you're a good person. You're the best person I know. Its why it was annoying to be around you in school, having that self-righteousness thrown back at me when you're in fact BETTER. You are good." She stated again. "Kind hearted," she said with a squeeze to the small hand in hers. Tears were in brown eyes and although the stream of water was mixing with them she leaned down and kissed them away. Salt was definately there and Quinn still felt inadequate that this was all she could do but Rachel clung to her stronger. Held tighter. Arms wrapped around her waist again and pulled her in as she felt Quinn's lips on her face. Tilting her head down she brought their lips together and heard Quinn gasp. She shocked Quinn, that much was obvious as she kept sliding her hand up and down a pale back while the blonde slowly pressed Rachel against the wall. She moaned at the feel of the taller girl against her, solid, feeling alive and shut her eyes tighter when Quinn pulled back and whispered, "You have a good heart."

Hell it hurt, it was too much. Quinn was being sweet and really there wasn't any difference between Lucy and Quinn anymore. Rachel needed to leave the comfort. She didn't deserve it. She had killed Puck, she didn't have anything to say at his funeral, she wasn't keeping them safe and it was choking her. Regretably she gently pushed Quinn away who let her be pushed. The distance was vast. Four inches between them and Rachel only increased it as she stepped out of the shower. Quinn stared at the blank space Rachel was previously in. It was like she blinked and she was gone. Just a wall. A white wall that wasn't anything like tan skin.

The door opening and shutting drew her out of her mind. It was fast. Like ripping off a bandaid only it felt like some part of her was amputated. She was standing naked in the shower and it was the second time Rachel left her. Punching the knob with the side of her hand she groaned. How did she manage to feel more tense after a shower?

Toweling off she grabbed her clothes in a pile and walked with steadily rising anger to her room where she threw her clothes on the made bed. Whipping the hair away from her eyes she placed her hands on her hips. Old habits died hard and the cheerleader stand always came when she was this livid. For five minutes she stood stiffly and tried breathing through her nose and out her mouth. When a shiver went through her she threw off the towel and went to the closet to grab a thick grey and white stripped sweater. She put on black boy shorts and comfortable yoga pants next and put the rest of her clothes in the laundry. Bras were annoying sometimes and she was planning on spending the rest of the night in her room. Naturally she nixed the bra. Throwing the covers back she got into bed and glared at her books. What little escapism they provided wasn't cutting it but she took the last poetry book she was reading from her side table and focused. She didn't have the energy to talk to Rachel and there was always tomorrow.

Her neck was stiff when she woke. It had to be around midnight she reasoned and looked at the watch she kept on the table. Squinting her eyes she saw it was past one am. The glow in the dark features were helpful and she had stolen it for that reason because it didn't suit her at all. It was bulky and masculine and sometimes she wished she had fought for her grandmother's watch instead of Frannie getting it. Her stomach growled and grumbled its demands. She grunted as she got out of bed and her ankles cracked. Walking bare feet down the stairs wasn't very smart when she stubbed her toe on something. "God damn it,'' she whispered. Finally she made it to the kitchen and took everything out she needed. Minutes later she had cut the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in half to make a neat triangle and almost had a heart attack when Rachel asked quietly, "What are you doing?"

"Making the ideal snack that's perfect at any time. Unlike you I can't ignore the need to eat," Quinn jabbed.

"I can see that and am not inclined to disagree. What I meant was...why are you avoiding me?" Rachel whispered.

"Can you blame me? You keep leaving when I'm trying to help you. I don't think I'm going to make you happy, but less depressed would be an improvement." She said point blanky and Rachel bit the inside of her mouth, realizing this was lawyer-Quinn.

"Its not you. There isn't any possible way to say this, but I feel and think it needs to be said. And you're very capable of duality since I've witnessed you be sweet and incredibly fierce in the same hour...or minute even..."

"Rachel, say it,'' Quinn said tiredly and pushed the plate away from her with half the untouched sandwich on the plate to Rachel. The anger was coming back and with that her desire to eat vanished but she watched Rachel eye it, slowly pick it up and hold it in her hand. But instead of a pause from the conversation Rachel actually took her lead and kept talking.

"You're the only person I would ask because...you'd make a beautiful angel of death...it would be quick and easy..."

Quinn's eyes widened, somehow intrinsically knowing where the conversation was going.

"No. Absolutely not." She said without any room for debate and Rachel frowned back at her. How did Quinn know? Right, she was really smart. This was unlike any conversation she'd had with her exes. She could talk circles around them and here Quinn was steps ahead of her. Yale was right to welcome her with open arms.

"Why?" Rachel asked with a challenge. It was her life. If she was ever bitten she'd want Quinn to kill her.

"I know what you would look like as a zombie. I have a very strong and sickening image of what you could become and I'm not going to let it so DROP IT." Quinn said with so much anger that the whisper and calmness was gone.

"How would you know?" Rachel asked with a deeper frown and curiosity.

"I saw Shelby." She said without emotion and clenched her jaw. "You both looked a lot alike when she was...and I have a strong point of reference what you'd be like as a U.D."

"She's a U.D.?"

"Not anymore."

"What do you mean, not anymore? There isn't a cure that we know of...which means...you..."

"Shelby's dead. I shot her in the head. She was a god damned zombie, Rachel!" She finally yelled. Her voice raising but not enough to wake anyone.

"For a Christian you take god's name in vain a lot..." Rachel said without emotion, trying to come to terms that Quinn had killed her birth mother.

"Well I'm not a Christian. Not when the poster boy for god fearing mortality, Russell Fabray, strangles me. And do NOT label me,'' she said with narrowed eyes.

"You..." Rachel was at a loss for words.

"Yes, I killed your mother. You can stop telling me I don't know what it feels to kill someone. She was someone we knew." She paused and thought it over. What Rachel was asking her and trusting her to do. To end her if she was changed.

Quinn thought of saying three words to Rachel, how she wanted to in the shower but it felt like something was holding her back. She couldn't remember the last time she said them to someone who wasn't her daughter. She said she loved Beth, but she had never said the words to someone else in a long time. Everyday she thought them, everyday they passed through her mind about her daughter, but with Rachel she chose to love Rachel. It was hard and it threw her-challenged her. Loving Beth was easy, but it was different. She would have never imagined she would have yelled at Rachel and walked away when she thought the question would be something along the lines of her other ones-can I sleep in your bed?

"What the hell is easy about that? Killing you?" The nerve of Rachel. The audacity! "I love you and you ask me to do that? No! God damn it. Its freaking late and we've said enough." She moved from behind the counter and left the plate there. Every movement was abrasive and matched her harsh words, but Rachel shouldn't have asked that. The sandwich was left and if Rachel didn't eat it someone would but she wasn't thinking about that. She practically ran up to her bedroom and refrained from slamming the door in an immature gesture.

Love was something worse than instinctuals. Admitting to love was worse than any fucking zombie she had come across. Saying I love you when you know that person doesn't love you back made a horde of U.D's seem like a walk in the damn park on a nice fucking spring day.

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><p>Author's Note: I think Idina Menzel is wonderful and incredibly talented but killing Shelby worked for this story so try not to send me hate reviews. Merci.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: This is the end. Reviews are appreciated, even if you hate it. Strange and sudden this ending maybe but its been fun (though I grew bored of this story and it needed to end before trips to NYC). Thanks for reading and last but not least-let's see how much I can emotionally manipulate people (again)...

Part 2: (edit) turns out I forgot about 2 characters. Which author of Beautiful When You Don't Try pointed out happens when I rush. Damn logic. Here I go...

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><p>"Holy shit! Q and Streisand are dead! I'm gonna be sick..." Her stomach heaved and knotted, protesting against the vivid images, she wasn't lying. It was like a punch.<p>

"San...what?" Brittany asked growing alarmed and losing her calm tone as she quickly came out of sleep.

"It was disturbing Britt. I can't...I saw them...I mean they were just there...sleeping and damn z's came. They got in the house...and went to all the rooms and Quinn's door wasn't locked...and they were cuddling. It was AWFUL." The Latina said annoyed and clearly distraught as Brittany kept stroking her black hair and letting her fingertips graze the smaller girl's back, providing what comfort she could as they spoke in the darkness.

"San, they do that." She replied gently, letting the nightmare get worked out of her girlfriend as she moved to rub her entire back, knowing Santana accepted comfort in small doses until she was eased into expanded efforts. It took a minute but the blonde knew no one was in the house that shouldn't be. "Its not just sex with them. And I don't think it ever was." She paused and looked at her girlfriend who seemed perplexed and thrown off. Zombies she could handle but Quinn and Rachel-not so much.

"What are you talking about?" The words mirrored her facial expression and brows furrowing together, trying to piece everything into place.

"I mean Quinn's liked Rachel for years or a year...I can't figure out my calender, but I don't think it was ever just about sex. San, stop thinking so hard." She said soothingly and leaned forward to kiss the intense eyebrows. She loved when Santana laughed and smiled, the scowling sometimes was a turn on, but not right now.

"But Q likes the midget. They were cuddled up like an old married couple. Its like there isn't reality anymore...I mean what are we going to call them? Something ridiculously stupid like Faberry I bet. Ugh. Gag me now or scoop out my brain like some rocky road icecream. Where's the nearest zombie? Problem solved," she joked morbidly though Britt let her. They understood one another. Sanatana needed to rant, in her casual, fierce way. It was the easiest and natural go to reaction when she wanted to displace something. Brittany needed to be the voice of reason and bring her girlfriend away from her fears, which they both knew weren't really about Quinn and Rachel, but the worry that someone or something could hurt any of them. Santana Lopez cared and it showed in dreams she couldn't refute.

"You're not much taller than Rachel, baby. And she has nice legs." Brittany replied nonchalantly but knew her best friend would jump on it.

"Brittany Susan Pearce-you take that back."

"What like with a receipt?"

"Oh babe, as long as we agree I can get you hotter than Berry we're fine," she said with a smirk.

"Put your hand back under my shirt," the blonde replied and the Latina felt a shiver. She loved when Britt got demanding. Absolutely loved it. She was about to connect their lips when the blonde spoke up again.

"Maybe they'll get married in New York if we go there. But we should call it Old York. And why is it always new? It doesn't have one of those numbers on it?"

"An expiration date?" Santana tired to follow her girlfriend's thinking to hear a mhm from the blonde. "B, I don't care. Baby York, Midlife Crisis York, freaking Geriatrics York. Let me kiss you," she said with impatience.

"Love you too," the blonde said easily, knowing Sanatana was cranky after a nightmare but making love would bring her to a state of content bliss.

The wind blowing through the trees sounded like an ocean and it mimicked her emotions. The waxing and wanning softness then the rustling crash was like an extention of herself. Where do you go to escape from yourself? The air sliding through the forest outside her window chilled her and goosebumps formed over her arms. She wanted to go into Quinn's room and lay with her but knew that would be like sticking your hand into a shark tank while holding a raw steak. She had a problem with a lot of that metaphor. A shark...hold a steak...the uncertainty of Quinn. The blonde's tense back as she walked up the stairs was a tell to leave her alone and Rachel took the cue but god did she want to ignore it. The bare ceiling didn't hold any answers as she squinted at it. Over ten slow minutes passed with her laying like a board in bed, covers pulled up to her neck and debating, always debating what to do. She thought her debate team days were over or even her chess club activities but clearly not because it was always a question of what was the next move with Quinn-go on the offensive or defensive. The possibility of something positive won out. She would always hope. Its why she loved musicals and romantic gestures but Quinn never seemed the type to have romantic gestures, maybe in secrecy, but love or falling in love was never easy. It came with trust and that was rarely ever concrete. Hearts are fickle and...

It hurt. That weight on her chest. Because did she love Quinn? She was thinking IT, questioning IT, and was she only wondering because Quinn had admitted to her emotions in anger? That wasn't fair to either of them if she was simply reacting to Quinn. But she should react instead of ignore her and that was the final decision. Her legs propelled her out of bed and across the hall. Her mind caught up when she was knocking on the solid door. Another barrier to the blonde, just another hurdle Rachel reasoned as she breathed slowly through her mouth and entered into the room when a pale arm pulled the door open and stepped to the side to let her in. Stiffly, like Quinn was made of metal and Rachel wanted a few seconds to compose herself and more importantly to avoid hazel eyes.

Without a trace of anger as though she were devoid of emotions she asked, "Why are you here?" Rachel looked up, finally making eye contact and noticed the facade was beginning to unravel. She wasn't empty.

Brown eyes looked unfocused in the dense silence and Quinn felt the sensation of her heartbeats tripping over themselves. She couldn't figure out of the sharp pain in her chest was from Rachel's hesitancy or the unknown words that would come soon. She expected they'd come in the form of a needle and thread trying to sow it together or if she was holding a serated knife, gliding the blade over thin tissue and straining muscles.

_Mend or lascerate? Condemn or liberate? _

She could have sworn her heart developed a murmer at the thought; a fleeting concept that made her question if she should have compassion to the girl she LET in her room.

"I think...we should talk." Rachel said gently but was hit back with an eyeroll and a sigh. Maybe she should have been more creative because she knew it was a cliche and who in their right mind would want those words directed at them?

"No." She paused and pressed her fingers against her temple. "This was a bad idea. I need you to not talk to me for a day." Quinn could be abrasive but this was on a whole other level. It was like she was fine until the problem was standing in front of her, and then it was real and not some abstract idea that was too complicated.

"But..." She frowned, this wasn't at all how she thought this would turn out. The complete opposite! It didn't have to be so damn complex...

"A day Rachel." She said abruptly and moved to her bed, sitting on her side and pulled the covers back. "You can let yourself out," she said as she looked at the bed. The dismissal was cruel, hell it was blatantly rude and she wasn't raised that way but she didn't think she could do any of this now. It was around 1 AM. Not that it mattered, she was wide awake, and Rachel was still in her room nervously pulling at her fingers and shirt.

"You can't follow directions anymore? That was the cue to leave. Exit stage left," she said bitterly and was more upset with herself that she was being such a bitch as she watched the smaller girl swallow and clench her fists. "You aren't staying."

"Why...we can try to have an actual, civilized conversation instead of using one another for comfort. Because frankly Quinn none of this is comforting right now."

"I have a cold." Quinn said looking away as she gave an obvious lie.

"I can make you soup."

"No."

"I can get you some medicine," she tried.

"No."

"You just want me to leave?" Was posed as a question while her shoulders fell, but it was a statement said in a factual tone, one Rachel already knew the answer to. Quinn stayed quiet and let the absence of a reply speak for her. "How long are you going to be "sick"..." she asked in her blunt manner and with small air quotes feeling like calling her out because Quinn was rarely challenged by anyone but she wasn't about to stop. It had been their trend to verbally combat one another. You didn't need to throw punches when crafted words did the trick.

"Who knows." The blonde said to the floor. The standing girl looked her over. Quinn was sitting and she was taller than her but the position didn't make her feel superior in any way. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something to say but came up empty. Nothing seemed good enough. "Goodnight," Rachel whispered and left, closing the door tightly so Quinn wouldn't hear her crying on the way to her room. There was an intense sense of deja vu. Only they weren't working on a song, standing by a piano...

A long tense four hours later she forced herself out of the nightmare that featured Rachel as a zombie. Quinn pressed her palms into her eyes and rubbed the sleep from them, trying to wipe away the mental images as well. Her subconscious wouldn't let her create distance between herself and the one person who constantly tried to connect to her. The fear swept over her. Would it be so horrible to let Rachel into her life? Be a part of it? Could she trust her? Love-was it powerful enough to save them from becoming Instinctuals?

Getting out of bed she made sure there were enough pillows and made the snap decision to go to the tiny leader's room. She found the girl frowning in her sleep and grazed her fingertips over her dark eyebrows while she kneeled by her matress.

"I was close to REM Quinn, that's real sleep. Why are you here?" She asked exhausted and her throat hoarse, but not from the sleep. Crying did that to her. Everytime. She had finally fallen asleep a little over an hour ago after the piercing thought of a glass of water from her fathers made her shut her eyes tighter.

"Come back to bed," she whispered.

"We've been over this. I AM IN BED," she said growing annoyed. Really, the nerve of Quinn. Just because she's pretty didn't mean she could get whatever she wanted. Not that she'd gotten much in life that she necessarily wanted but Rachel moved further into her uncomfortable bed and away from the blonde.

"Our bed," the archer said with such gentlness that Rachel did a double take. This was a different Quinn. Oh the layers in her dancer body and those specific words that had such meaning to them and intent.

"Only because I'm exhausted," she said with a smirk, purposefully trying to be difficult. After all she felt Quinn deserved it. "I'm so tired," she said looking up at Quinn's facial expressions and watched them soften. Slowly she set her feet on the floor after the blonde took a step back and stood. "Coffee bong...could that be a thing? Because beer is rather disgusting or certainly an aquired taste." She rambled in her nervous way, both conscious of it but Rachel was still trying even though Quinn had tried to slam the door in her face earlier but left Rachel to do it herself. But god Rachel was fighting in any way she could.

"What would you do with all that energy?" Quinn asked curiously, unable to stop herself because 'Rambling Rachel' was synonymous with 'Cute Rachel' to her as they smoothly moved back into her book filled room.

"In all likelihood produce, write, and star in a musical about how prom queens sometimes end up kissing other girls." She said with a bite to her bottom lip. Quinn's mind flashed. She was the one who should be biting that lip and doing other things to that soft mouth.

"I hate you," Quinn said with narrowed eyes and watched Rachel's eyes enlarge and take a step back. The blonde pulled the other side of the covers back. Grudges would have to be a thing of the past and yes, joking was a cover but she didn't like seeing dark circles under the singer's eyes. "Get in." It didn't settle in until ten seconds later that I hate you was Quinn's way of saying I kind of like you without having to admit anything close to real feelings. In such a plastic, superficial world sincerity wasn't likely to thrive so Quinn stuck to sardonic tones lately and because she knew Quinn had stated how she felt it once already and the result wasn't good, why would she openly share her views again?

"Are you familiar with the phrase mixed signals?" Rachel asked apprehensively, still rooted in her spot. It felt like she was sleep walking. She hadn't been fully aware that as they passed from her room to Quinn's the blonde held her hand. Hours ago this girl had said she loved her, now I hate you. Oh the many contradictions! Rachel knew she was going to get a headache if she didn't release any of the coiling tension. Even though it somewhat made sense.

"I'm full of ambivalence," the ex cheerleader said with a light smirk, but it came off as inviting.

"Why are you letting me stay?" Rachel questioned as she swept her hand over the blanket. Quinn had chosen a soft, high quality thread count. Zombies left and right but Quinn would find a way to live in some form of luxery.

"You need me to be protective of you, that's the appeal of this. You could at least admit to that. And I'm getting used to it. If that's all it is I'll get acclimated to that as well." She offered but without much emotion. Rachel sighed and wished there was a book to decipher Quinn, it would be worth millions. Not that money mattered anymore but if such book existed she'd treat it like the holy freaking grail.

"Fine," she replied and settled into the bed but moved closer to the taller girl. "It is, if it makes you feel better. But its at the bottom of the list if you really want to rank them. When I'm fully conscious, if you'd prefer, I'll provide said list." She said in a snarky tone, but relaxed into the middle of the bed, sharing space with the guarded girl. _Now or never. Take a chance_._ Leap of faith and all that jazz_. It was natural, she bit her lip as she considered her next course of action and tried not to over think. "Quinn, baby, you can't protect me all the time. Its why I asked you...what I did," she said without her usual fluidity and she didn't want the girl to grow angry again about the possibility of becoming a U.D. "but I'm here with you because I want to be." She finished and somehow managed to wrap her arm around a pale hip that was exposed.

The touches were light, as though Quinn was a wild animal who could bolt at any second. "I need you," she tried but was cut off.

"Not good enough," the blonde said tiredly, losing the combative tone from hours ago. She valued honesty and she thought Rachel did as well, but where did that principal run off to? Or did it die like the UD's? Even though she was joking before her non-answers still held some truth. She was ambivalent. Now she wanted more from Rachel, something that resembled a relationship and that threw her off mentally to a degree she wasn't prepared for. For months and really from the moment she realized she was pregnant part of her decided she was going to be a spinster and closed off. It was safer and she was content alone, but here was Rachel looking at her with compassionate, soulful brown eyes. It was undeniable how Rachel was looking her over with hunger as she was given the chance to look at her up close. Both knew it was opportunity Rachel indulged in, taking into account the times she'd caught the smaller girl looking at her, and now a small tan hand was sliding over any inch of exposed skin, from her neck to her hip that was bare from the loose t-shirt riding up. A physical tell of how much the brunette wanted to be close to Quinn. Appreciative glances kept sweeping over her body back to her hazel eyes and Quinn couldn't deny it was a turn on to feel so wanted, so desired on such an open level without the cockiness of knowing the person was turning you on. Rachel was more sly and calm about it rather than the impatient 'I want to jump your bones and devour you' vibed that guys gave off.

"You didn't let me finish," Rachel said with a raised eyebrow and again contained a challenging tone. "More importantly I want you. I want everything too much but I want to get to know you because...Quinn, I have never met anyone so guarded, and I think it would take years to understand you but I want it all." She swallowed and needed the pause because the next topic was going to be a bomb, Quinn was protective but incredibly so when it came to what Rachel needed to say for the sake of truth. And truth wasn't asking for too much, everything else be damned, they needed to lay their cards out on the table and with that thought she tried not to think of her birth mother. She hadn't listened to Poker Face since that day...a mother/daughter relationship seemed to be the most delicate relationship she'd witnessed and grazed. "I want to help you with Beth...take care of her and...I think we should all head east. We shouldn't stay here, trapped and stalling. If there's something better we should leave...and if there's people there we can have more support and god if there's any operating schools she wouldn't have to be inside all day, she'd socialize with others, learn and at the least experience non-country life because the fact is we're stiffling her here in the middle of nowhere and I'm worried about the quality of her life and that's presumptious that there's a we but..I meant collectively..." Rachel stopped when the blonde cupped her jaw and intently looked her over. Quinn took in a slow and steady breath.

"You want to leave? We can leave." Quinn said moving closer to the smaller girl who held onto her back more.

"Its that simple?" Rachel asked, wondering where was the catch.

"Why not? It should be. We pack, we leave, we bring anyone who wants to join. We're a pseudo family and I doubt anyone is going to say they want to stay here. I think the guys are going stir crazy, but more importantly its sweet how worried you are about Beth," Quinn said and moved closer to kiss Rachel's nose. "Speaks volumes." She said softly as she pulled back and settled into her bed.

There were thoughts getting together with other thoughts and making baby thoughts in Quinn's head. A family of thoughts fighting one another as families do. Rachel basically wanted to coparent with her. They would leave the security of the house. Would they take the tank or form a line of cars? She'd have to take a car seat from a store and they'd have to pack. The preparations would take at least a day. Quinn's mind was already calculating leaving. Rachel planted the seed and now that the idea sunk in she was itching to leave. She was right-why stay? Why limit themselves? She was deep in thoughts that she didn't fully feel Rachel move into her space and very lightly kiss along her jaw. It almost made Rachel laugh at how much of a brain the blonde could be, completely invested in an idea she was trying to put into action. She settled for biting her lip to stop the laughter from bubbling out however and it made Quinn finally focus on her. Was it manipulatitve? Sure. And she knew it, but how else was she going to inspire the former cheerleader to come out of her head?

"Quinn..." Rachel tried nervously. And damn it she was Rachel Berry, a former cheerleader with high honors who happened to be beautiful and all likelihood would have made prom queen shouldn't intimidate her.

"Rachel..." Quinn said with a smirk. This was cheeky, smart-alec Quinn and Rachel could play at that game.

"Can we be together in the sense...will you be my girlfriend?" She whispered as she looked at hazel eyes that become shocked. Yeah, take that Quinn Fabray! Now she seemed to have malfunctioned. "Quinn, baby, focus." she said to the taller girl as she cupped her jaw and laced her fingers into the back of her head, massaging her scalp. It amused her the blonde calmed her and she was the one to make the woman who was intently staring at her lips to come back to the conversation.

"I'll think about it," she said stone faced until a small smirk came over her lips. Rachel pushed the palm of her hand into a pale shoulder and groaned that Quinn was like a wall, unmoveable and firm muscles were felt under her hand. If it wasn't so frustrating she might like how physically strong the former cheerleader was. It was a little mind blowing how the beautiful girl before her was once a self described chubby girl who hated herself, but then again the woman who was sharing her bed had depth and hid her insecurities beneath a well mantained facade that made most cower in fear. Luckily Rachel never viewed herself for a coward. Of all her attributes that was not on her self-appointed list.

"You're a pain, bet you know that already though." She said while narrowing her eyes at the laid back blonde. It suited Quinn to be playful, snarky was a good look at her. The uptight, proper girl she had known for years was still there, but this seemed more genuine. "However, my point is you don't have to answer now and you don't have to say yes, though that would be disappointing from my end, but it would be understandable and I certainly can't fault you for it," she said in a rush and only stopped when Quinn placed her long index finger against her lips with a rather sexy smirk on her lips. Rachel thought so anyway...

"Mmm so I'm a pain in your..." she said with a mischevious smile. "I can live with that."

"Quinn!" Rachel said with amusement.

"What? At least you have a nice figure, its hard not to notice when you wear pants..."

"You've noticed?" the smaller girl asked shocked that the blonde would even look, let alone admit it. But Quinn only shrugged back and looked over her features, every detail of her face until she focused again on her eyes.

"Your skirts show off your legs, your jeans show off other...assets, just a fact." She said calmly. Rachel didn't stop the frown. Here was the most popular girl in school basically telling her she had been checked out and even though it was said in a blase manner Quinn was admitting she had looked. Curiosity got the best of her and since they had never really had this conversation she felt like going all in. Full blown honesty...

"What do you like... most about me physically?" She asked with clear hesitation and watched Quinn look perplexed as though this was the largest conundrum she had been asked in days.

Of course instead of words the short haired blonde pulled Rachel closer and immediately the smaller girl felt her heartbeats increase. A whispered admittance somehow seemed more romantic and although the expressive girl was self-aware of her appreciation for large romantic, over the top gestures she was starting to like Quinn's quiet, tentative ways. And the gentle kiss to her nose wasn't what she expected at all. But Quinn was still close and was nuzzling her nose against hers. God her heart didn't know what to do and she almost felt like crying. Finn would have said everything and given a goofy grin, thinking he was being clever and yes, it would have been a little sweet and maybe a year ago she would have found it charming, but this went beyond that. Quinn could have said everything but she didn't say anything. As much as Rachel adored lyrics and memorized them, actions did speak louder than words and it felt like too much that Quinn could convey a beautiful sentiment without words. Because they could be so cumbersome and trip a person. And Rachel Berry also had the power to make her a little tongue tied.

A hand moved from her waist and lower back to her chest, having grazed along her arm then over, making her shiver and let out a held breath. Quinn gently tapped her fingers over her skin, light presses on her body, directly above her heart. The brunette thought it was most like playing a piano, fingers sliding over keys and the ex singer had never felt more compelled to make music than she did in that moment.

Quinn gently kissed her, in a whisper of a kiss that was so delicate that Rachel had to make the move and press further into the blonde to feel more. When she pulled back and Quinn looked at her with a calmness that she only had when she knew everyone was safe or when she was with her daughter Rachel didn't stop herself. It was terrifying and she should fear it, the chance to be hurt, but she needed to say it. Still cupping the strong jaw and kissing Quinn's cheek she felt calm settle over her, maybe through the blonde's vibes, but Rachel wasn't much for being a hippy and reasoned it might be odd osmosis. When Quinn moved her hand to hold onto her wrist and give a small squeeze Rachel felt another wave of contentment. There was a security in that hold that she didn't expect because it was a hold and an embrace in one as they looked at one another-brown and hazel locked into one another.

"I loves you. I mean...I love you. And not in the platonic, friend way. I know loves is...a bit weird, however I do appreciate you and care about you in multiple ways that imply layers..it seems natural to say loves..." It wasn't whispered, it needed to be said with pure certainty and although her words came out choppier than her usual verbose, wordy fashion it was said with truth. Slowly she watched Quinn smile and then it transition into a sly smirk.

"You're such a little pain. You're all I'm Rachel Berry and everything should be with grand romantic gestures but here we are..." she trailed off. "Its simple, we're laying in bed, there isn't a band around...if only people could see this side of you," Quinn teased and nuzzled her face against Rachel's whispering her musings into the girl's neck and making her squirm at the light vibrations on her skin. To Rachel the teasing wasn't annoying, it was just another side she was learning about Quinn who could be incredibly smart, insanely strong, emotionally reserved one minute and giving the next. What she caught was the word we. They were a we. They were connected not only physically but in the encompassing way that "we" implied so much. The content sigh that came from her was one that she didn't know had been in her for days...weeks. "We" felt solid. It felt like it was a firm start to an "us". It all felt wonderfully real. As did Quinn as she gently pushed her back.

"Even though you're a smart-alec I still love you," Rachel said playfully and narrowed her eyes at hazel ones. Quinn could have and wanted to joke that she had the power to make Rachel a little stupid or unlike herself but instead she kissed her. The smaller girl's fumbling was charming coming from the usually composed girl. More importantly Quinn wasn't going to lie to herself that it was cute or endearing. She wanted to wrap herself up in it, the warmth that came from Rachel when she was completely relaxed. As she gently pushed Rachel into the bed but gave the smaller girl enough room if the younger girl wanted to push her away. Quinn hated to feel trapped, it was just a fact and as she looked into dark eyes that held too many emotions and Quinn wanted some to go away. The fear and worry that was always lingering made Quinn lean in and claim her lips. Not in a possessive way, never in a domineering, aggressive fashion because she knew Rachel deserved softness. But she didn't allow the smaller woman to have the control. Rachel was forced into the leader position and although they never discussed it Quinn could sense that the ex glee captain needed a break. It had been drilled into Quinn to be the head cheerleader, to be the top, but in this instance it felt real. Something she wanted that wasn't shaped by her parents. She wanted to lead and be in control-for both of them.

A relationship is never balanced if someone holds more control than the other. Quinn was very aware of this. She had watched her father intimidate her mother and she was never going to do that to Rachel. Not that they were in a marriage but she wanted them to have a steady foundation. She let the emotional singer slowly remove her clothes with small nods that it was alright. Slowly she guided Rachel's hand from the few inches below her collar bone, donw her chest and stomach to between her legs. God, it was so slow. Like Rachel was trying to memorize her and take in every second. Every available texture and gasp that Quinn couldn't contain. She didn't know teasing could be this painful but she bared with it, knowing Rachel wasn't the type to do it intentionally. Not as she had done with her ex boyfriends simply because she could.

"Rach.."she said into the girl's neck after she kissed the soft skin to steady herself. Her arms were going to ache tomorrow as she hovered over the tiny leader, but she wrapped her hand around the small wrist and locked eyes with brown. It was time. She was ready. She wanted this. It wasn't fair to only give when she knew Rachel wanted to give and show her love as well. And maybe that was it. She had been waiting for Rachel to say her emotions, say the words rather than stick to actions. Yes, actions spoke louder than words but she still wanted to hear them. Weren't ears needed to take in music and songs and words? She needed to hear them and with Rachel's honesty she felt a barrier fade to the point that it was thin and more like a net. It could catch her but there were so many holes. And the restriction wasn't worth it. Not when Rachel was inches away. She ripped through her own shield and helped Rachel guide into her. It hurt a little, with an sharpness that slowly went away but her breath hitched and Rachel waited. Quinn didn't have to stop her. Instead she removed her hand and focused on breathing as Rachel kept stroking the side of her face and whispering how beautiful she was, how she was the prettiest girl she knew. Those words would never get old, but Rachel kept talking while Quinn relaxed more above her. She exclaimed she was beautiful in her heart and her mind. That she loved her mind. And that drove Quinn on, it made her fall at a faster speed as she moved her hips slowly into Rachel, silently telling her it was okay and that she wanted this. She didn't fear it and there wouldn't be anymore tears or the supression of them. Rachel was beautiful and they were going to be something amazing.

She gave direction and Rachel surprisingly took them well. It was comfortable. Something that shocked her considering this was her second time or really her first since she didn't remember her time with Puck in detail, but she wanted to memorize the moment with Rachel. The girl who always took the time to look below the surface, who was being gentle and attentive. This wasn't about earning another notch or hightening their relationship, it was about connecting. And as Quinn came with Rachel looking at her and telling her she's beautiful she felt loved for another firsts in a long time.

Morning was bliss and jarring. It was a mix and Quinn wondered why so many things came in a mixture. Rachel had her arm thrown over her back, her entire side was pressed into hers and the blonde stretched as she layed on her stomach then looked the smaller girl over who seemed content. At ease and relaxed, something few people were able to see from a neurotic Rachel. Shifting a little she rolled onto her side and nuzzled her nose against the smaller girl's. Her hands followed the movements and wrapped up her side into her hair. Really soft hair that Quinn wasn't going to deny she loved. Her fingertips kept sliding up and down her tan neck as she looked at her pulse rate steadily ripple but stilled when Rachel started to wake. It was selfish to a degree but Quinn wanted time to take Rachel in.

Then again...she was usually amused by what Rachel had to say. Lately they had been a little flirty and verbally teasing at night. It might have started with Quinn saying she hated the smaller girl with a smirk on her lips but they were past their childish ways of proclaiming she started it.

"Mmm. Hi beautiful," Rachel said in her haze of half sleep.

"Hi pretty girl," the blonde whispered back and watched the girl duck her head down. They stared at one another, unguarded and without apprehension with hands grazing over soft skin. Rachel kept moving her index finger over the line in Quinn's upper abs, admiring the strength and look of Quinn's body. She knew the girl worked for it and although she didn't have her cheerleading practices anymore she still made a point to work out with her bow and arrow. And she knew chasing after Beth and doing activities with her was a whole other way to burn calories too. "How about we get dressed..." Quinn started and smirked when Rachel started to immediately shake her head as she bit her lower lip "and I make an announcement to everyone during breakfast" she continued anyway because if she gave in to the smaller girl's plans they wouldn't leave the bed and hell-they had things to do.

"Fine. If you must be in charge," she said in a playful tone as she kissed Quinn's cheek. Slowly she removed herself from the blonde's side. It was a very gradual process since she thought Quinn was very comfortable to half lay on but they did have plans. "but get dressed or I have no desire to leave this room," she said with another smirk. _Jesus in hell_, Quinn thought Rachel was going to be the death of her if she kept that up but she waited for Rachel to grab her shirt from the side of the bed and exit before she moved out of bed herself. She picked out comfortable clothes and walked over to the shower across the hall with them in her hands as she clutched the towel around her tightly. Quietly shutting the door she tried to compose what she'd say to all her friends but sometimes words didn't work. She was uprooting them and if some of them didn't want to go she wasn't sure Rachel would abandon them. Because Rachel threw herself into situations and commited to them in an all or nothing way.

The shower wasn't long enough. The words weren't coming, to her annoyance. Being prepared was a Fabray trait and maybe winging it would have to be a Lucy quality. As she dressed and dried her hair she smirked in the mirror at her disheveled hair that made her look a little like a rock star. She stopped in the hallway when she heard Rachel's laughter.

"You're adorable. Come here," she said as she moved closer to the blonde and although Quinn didn't like to be bossed around it was commanded in a rather gentle way that she moved a few inches closer to the smaller girl. Fingers wound their way into her hair and even twirled a few strands to get them to be less wild. It was strangely relaxing that Rachel was trying to control her messy hair and she would have blushed at being called adorable if it hadn't been for the gears overworking in her head. "Ready?" The brunette asked after she looked the taller girl over who didn't seem fully with her. The nod didn't completely confirm that Quinn was present but it was enough and Rachel knew to give Quinn space to be heady. She did give a light squeeze to her hand though. "I'll meet you downstairs," she said gently and turned away, knowing they understood one another with such clarity that she didn't have to look back over her shoulder to double check if it was real.

Quinn was overthinking. She didn't need a scarf anymore, the bruises were gone, she didn't want to look overly professional-they weren't holding a meeting and she didn't want to look like she was going to be a hipster once she intended to get to Yale, but she didn't want to wear a dress. The black pants, white top and dark grey button down sweater made her feel more relaxed. A mature look that was still her and not at all the cheerleader she once was forced to be. With a deep breath she looked herself over. She knew she was a little flat chested but after last night she really didn't care anymore. Rachel liked her body. That much was apparent given the attention she recieved, but she stopped her thoughts there. It was that or she'd need a cold shower and she wasn't about to subject herself to those.

Slowly walking down the stairs she found everyone eating or sitting at the breakfast bar. Everyone stopped and turned to look at her. Santana raised her eyebrows in a "well look at you Q" sort of way, Brittany smiled, Finn looked confused but up for whatever seemed to be building, Will looked like he forgot she existed, Emma looked patient, Tina looked tired, Artie seemed apprehensive, Mike of course looked worried about Tina, Sam looked happy as Mercedes whispered in his ear as she held Beth in her arms. This was her quirky family.

"Alright everyone," she started. Feeling every set of eyes on her but without the pressure. Rachel was looking at her with pride and a slight edge of being turned on in those brown eyes. She almost smirked knowing that being in her position of power was a turn on for Rachel. But she could play with that later, she only planned to skim that notion right now. "All stir crazy, powerhouse divas, broadway enthusiasts, educators, dirt bike lovers, whipped girlfriends, dancers and baby," she said making eye contact with every person the title applied to and really, it was all very obvious, though Santana sent her a glare at the whipped comment, "its time we move on. This house is large enough for all of us but we should reach our potentials. This is...suppose to be the best years of our lives. Our prime. We would be in college or going out and making a life for ourselves but we're here. And its not out of fear. We're strong together. We've run out of excuses. So we're putting this to a vote. You can stay, you can come with us. Its your choice. This had never been a monopoly. I hope its never seemed like one. But I'd like for all of us to leave as a group. That's only my opinion and I don't want that to influence your decision but that's all. B-can you hand me the cheerios?" Quinn said looking at the taller blonde?

Brittany didn't waste a second and walked over to the former head cheerleader with the box and gave her a hug. "Blah blah blah. Underneath a lot of that you said you loved us," the dancer whispered softly as everyone started their conversations and reactions to Quinn's announcement. Leave it to Britt to simplify it all.

"Quinn, that's a wonderful idea and I think a large endevour to take on," Will began, "but...I think Emma and myself...we're going to head towards my parents. They're only a few hours away and we didn't want to leave any of you, but you seem ready. You all seem capable of so much more," he finished. Quinn stood strongly and forced herself not to roll her eyes. Though from the corner of her eyes she noticed Santana do so and that helped. Will Schuester-decent guy, horrible teacher and a little on the self-righteous side but she couldn't fault him for doing what he wanted. And even though he was a tad delusional for thinking he was waiting for them to be ready she chalked it up to him believeing he's the adult and believes he should look after them. Emma stood by supportively but seemed to have a more prideful look in her as she peered at them; nonverbally saying she knew they were ready and she was waiting for Will to be ready to leave, as absurd as that was given how meek she seemed.

"Okay. Everyone else I figure you can think on it for a day but Beth and I..and Rachel are leaving." She didn't want to speak for the tiny brunette but she was put in that position but the other leader only nodded when their friends looked away from Quinn to Rachel. The nod was also an admittance that they were more than friends.

"I'm in," Sam said with certainty as he rubbed Mercedes back.

"Count me in girl," the soulful singer said with her large smile. Artie gave a thumbs up as he ate then pushed up his glasses.

"I think it'd be good to get out. Let's do it," Tina said with gentle nods and Mike of course agreed in his own way by hugging her.

"Q, about time. I wants out of this house. I needs more showers." Santana added.

"Don't let her fool you, she wants to make sure everyone's safe. Its why she's gotten really good with the guns," Brittany said shaking her head and wrapped her arms around the Latina's waist who just leaned back into her.

"Why not? Not much here except like...empty stores," Finn said as he sat with relaxed shoulders after a shurg.

"Its decided then? That was quick," Rachel said slowly. "How does a day to pack and prepare sound? Too soon?" She looked around the room and took the reins. Quinn started it but she would finish it, that was fair. The blonde stood back and watched. It was surreal how she felt a bond to these people, she worried about them and cared. Even if some drove her nuts or to the edge she would stay with them. It went in a rush and she only caught parts of their conversation until Rachel made her sit down and eat breakfast. Only when a bowl or cheerios was poured in front of her did she realize she hadn't eaten and it wasn't until she noticed the quiet did she notice everyone was gone.

"Beth is going to ride with us to the coast. I think she should see the ocean," Rachel said gently and it hit the blonde it was said in a way that the smaller girl seemed to be tentatively co-parenting. "And...everyone will be ready in a day. Its not as though we all have a not of things to bring with us," she said as she swept her hand back and forth over Quinn's shoulders until she leaned down and kissed the exposed skin of her neck.

"A day. We can do this. Everyone gets a car. I mean we're all split into couples in a way except for Artie and Finn but this will work." She said as she worked out the details.

"Yes, so maybe you could relax a little, stop being so pensive, though its a very intense and attractive look on you, but I would like to take a nap with you later before we pack." Rachel supplied.

Quinn smirked at the subtle implications Rachel said. She fugured Rachel would always be a little bossy but she found it rather endearing. "Okay pretty girl, we can do that and then head out tomorrow." She said as she turned around and kissed a tan cheek. These little displays of affection were growing on her. She hated them in the hallways, how her ex boyfriends seemed to have a brutish undertone to their actions by saying with their bodies back off guys, this is my girlfriend. Rachel on the other hand kissed her for the sake of kissing her, to make her less tense, to bring about happiness, to enjoy it. And with that thought she let the smaller woman pull her towards the stairs for their nap.

Packing was easy. Well it was for Quinn. Rachel kept mumbling to herself as she went through her mind of items she deemed she needed and Quinn tried to pack what they actually needed while Rachel went for some frivolous choices. by the time they were done Quinn had sneaked a few things out of their bags and threw them in a closet. Rachel had wanted Quinn to take a few of her dresses "for nostalgic purposes" she said until Quinn had sucked in a breath to ready herself for what she had to say because sometimes the look of shock on Rachel's face was worth being blunt and a little outside her usual norm.

"I thought you'd prefer me without clothes..." she drifted off and saw Rachel's jaw drop. Bam! Well worth it.

Before the sun fell with lots of grumbling from Rachel that Quinn should in fact wear less clothes when they're alone, the blonde went out to the store and got walkie talkies. One for each car. Officially they were ready. Having the means to openly communicate and keep in touch, even if the cars were going to be directly behind one another settled the last remaining sensative nerves.

When she settled into bed with Rachel curled into her side after a very brief lecture that she shouldn't go out alone they went off to dreamland...where school were open for Beth, where they could see a movie, where Quinn could sit in the audience as Rachel sang an off broadway show only to be signed to do a real broadway show...

The next day everyone moved slowly. Not zombie slow, but when Beth immitated the instinctuals by going raaaar with her arms out and walking shaky like she already did everyone laughed and it broke the tension. They were leaving and they were starting something new. With all their bags in their respective cars Quinn slammed the trunk to her pt-cruiser shut and looked back at everyone. Santana and Britt were behind them, the snarky brunette on a four wheeler while the blonde was on a dirt bike. The smaller girl had defensively said that it wasn't butch but better on gas, okay? Rachel had laughed behind her hand when Brittany told Santana she needed to wear a helmet only to be told but it'll mess up my hair.

Kurt added that he liked Blaine's non-gelled hair and although Blaine was wearing his ray ban sunglasses everyone could swear the former Warbler member was looking at his boyfriend with adoration.

Even Mercedes rolled her eyes as she climbed into the hybrid suv Sam had taken from an abandoned house.

Quinn looked down the line and saw Finn and Artie getting in a geo tracker. Artie was excited because he was high up versus in a mustang that Finn wanted but the mustang went to Mike and Tina who were already in the black car. With a glance to the house she saw Will and Emma standing on the porch, arms around each other's sides as they looked on. They had said they'd leave the house in a few days and head west. Literally the opposite direction of where the younger members of the group were intended. Will waved to all of them and Emma smiled back. Quinn chose not to wave.

Kurt rolled his eyes and she heard him say, "silly teacher with nothing to teach us" under his breath. Smoothly Blaine and the pale boy got into their Aston Martin which Kurt deemed classy.

Once she had wanted Beth to have a father like Will but it seems that was a premature thought. After the instinctuals and the madness that came with them she noticed Will didn't really step up. He didn't try to actively protect them. The house was used for that and he was focused on Emma. Again, she couldn't fault him for that. Rachel clouded her judgement and so did Beth, but from the other end of the spectrum maybe they made her stronger. As she looked at Beth who slept in her car seat in the back she finally got in on the driver's side and buckled in. The gas peddle was ignored until Rachel placed her small hand near her knee and gave a gentle squeeze to her thigh. Taking her aviator sunglasses from the visor and sliding them on she didn't beep the horn to tell everyone this was it, no, she didn't want to draw any U.D's close. She pressed on the gas and slowly went forward until she reached the paved street.

They were going at a steady sixty miles per hour. She didn't want to go any faster with Santana and Brittany on their bikes, they were too exposed for her, even though her second in command had a gun strapped to each leg. After a few hours they stopped and stretched. Beth needed fresh air and to not be so confined. As they walked around for a good ten minutes Santana undid one of her guns and shot into what seemed to be a blank, open area. It wasn't until the thump hit the ground that seemed more like a rock did Rachel's eyes widen at the girl's ability to shoot a U.D. from such a distance.

"There's more coming, let's go," she said with command in her voice and Quinn remembered with that tone how lethal Santana could be. And someone gave her guns to play with...that was scarier than some instinctuals she'd come across, but again she could only smirk at her friend who was such a softy around her girlfriend.

Everyone climbed into their vehicles or mounted them and they started up. Quinn kept smirking when Rachel turned a map upside down then rightside up.

"Are we lost?" She asked with a huff.

"No." Quinn said with a smile as she kept her eyes on the road. Even though it had been deserted most of the way blockades could happen.

"How do you know?" Rachel asked back with narrowed eyes.

"I'm driving," the blonde said naturally and felt Rachel push into her shoulder. Rather than give a clever retort Quinn heard the walkie talkie crackle.

"Hey, we've been driving for hours again. It feels like days. Or maybe its cause Artie keeps mentioning stuff I have no clue about." Finn said to everyone and didn't seem to mind that he set himself up for laughter or mockery in the least.

"That's because all you did was play video games. I'm going to introduce you to books Finn. They live in these places called libraries." Artie's voice was heard distantly and Quinn pressed her lips together rather than laugh at Finn forgetting to release the button.

"We're almost there. Maybe in an hour. It'll start to get dark when we arrive." She said after she grabbed her talkie from the cupholder.

"Alright 'cause I don't think I can take anymore of this. Ow dude. Why do you have such boney elbows" they heard from Finn followed by frackling then static and nothing. Rachel shook her head.

"I don't know what you saw in him." she said to her lap.

"Me? That's directed at me?" Quinn asked in shock, voice rising unnaturally. "Have you seen you? You were in love with him. I never was." she said amused at how obtuse Rachel was being but was met with laughter.

"Sometimes you're easy to bother Quinn," she said with a smirk.

"Evil Rachel Berry. Hear that Beth? Do not learn anything from Rachel except to sing," she said as she glanced into her mirror but of course was faced with the top of the carseat rather than her daughter's face. Light laughter was heard from the back however and made Quinn wink to Rachel. "Smart girl in the back there," she said to her passenger who only laughed and rubbed her thumb over a pale hand in circles.

The hour was winding down and Rachel didn't know where they were but she trusted Quinn. She shut her eyes for five minutes only to open them when Quinn squeezed her hand. Welcome to New York City was getting closer and closer to her. The white letters growing larger until they passed under the green sign. She breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she would find her fathers here in the city that never sleeps. Maybe they'd start a new life with the bright lights that were magickally on and working. Maybe they'd come across people who were trying to survive as they were...they had to. She felt it in her bones, in herself that there was more here. And she heard everyone screaming in excitement and exclimations from the walkie talkie. Maybe...as she looked at the ex cheerleader with short blonde hair and hazel eyes that were currently uncovered...that she'd tell her she was in love with her.

The End


End file.
